Tag Archives: mexico

  THE PERSECUTION HAS BEGUNNETH!!!!

Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!

Kim Davis, RIGHT NOW.
Kim Davis, RIGHT NOW. CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! Oh, we are just joshing, nobody wants Kim Davis crucified. (OR DO WE?) Wingnuts, though? Remember that time they lost their whole country in the span of a week, because gay marriage was legalized and the Confederate flag came down? Well, they’ve lost it again! NO COUNTRY FOR STUPID WINGNUTS, that’s what we like to say. And they are good and damn sure that a judge putting Kentucky clerk Kim Davis in jail for failing to do HER EFFING JOB is just the beginning of the persecution and the Holocaust and getting ISIS-ed right in their fundamentalist Christian shame buttholes. Because this is the sad thing about wingnuts: They think we care about them enough to actively persecute them. Awwww. The sad truth is that decent Americans are more than happy to abide these dumbasses in our midst, for entertainment purposes mostly, as long as they follow the law. How simple is that? Read more on Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!…
  Another Prick With A Wall

Donald Trump’s Analogies Not Making America Great Again

We didn't say you have simply tons of ideas, Donnie. We said you had the ideas of a simpleton
We didn’t say you have simply tons of ideas, Donnie. We said you had the ideas of a simpleton Just in case you had any doubts that Donald Trump is the smartest, YOOGEST, most knowledgeable security expert running for president, we bring you this thought about border security from his Twitter feed, which belongs to him and is his: Read more on Donald Trump’s Analogies Not Making America Great Again…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  But Is It Tough Enough?

Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
Looks like we all have to start taking Donald Trump seriously now, because his campaign has posted a very serious position paper on immigration that explains how Donald Trump would make all the scary immigrants go back where they came from and never rape and murder us anymore like they have been, and he finally revealed how he would make Mexico pay for The Wall. Also, it would Make America Great Again, which is an important component of the plan’s inevitable success. Read more on Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific…
  ¡Dios Mío!

Mexico Rudely Refuses To Build Gold-Plated Border Fence For Donald Trump

Artistic rendering.
Artistic rendering, may not be to scale. Oh, southern Messican neighbor, why must you disappoint our Donald Trump so? First you send a new army of rapists to America to scare him EVERY DAMN DAY, and now you say you don’t have any plans to pay for a beautiful, classy border wall, and that’s unfair because Trump has been drawing plans for it on the backs of restaurant napkins and telling people about it for MONTHS. How could you do this to him, making him look stupid in front of the whole class? More stupid, we mean: Read more on Mexico Rudely Refuses To Build Gold-Plated Border Fence For Donald Trump…
  Yooge Classy Foreign Workers

Donald Trump Imports Waitstaff From Mexico, To Keep An Eye On Them Probably

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
The greatest jobs president God ever created is doing a fantastic job of creating jobs in America, even before he’s president. Donald Trump’s hotels and resorts have been especially good at creating jobs for foreign workers, according to an investigation by Reuters published Sunday. Not that this in any way contradicts his promise to bring all the jobs back from China and Mexico, because Donald Trump had a really good reason for getting visas for all those foreigners: They were cheaper, like the immigrant workers building his hotel in Washington DC. Look, the guy’s a businessman, and maybe China made him do it, just like it forced him to make his crappy Trump-branded clothing line in China. And if Donald Trump were president, this outrageous practice would stop, unless it were still profitable. Read more on Donald Trump Imports Waitstaff From Mexico, To Keep An Eye On Them Probably…
  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
You know that thing during the Super Bowl, where there is the Puppy Bowl for all the girls and homosexuals who are only there for the spiked punch? And know how, as per Mike Huckabee, Obama is doing the REAL HOLOCAUST to Israel, by making a deal to keep Iran nuke-free? Well, apparently Obama’s got time for a puppy Holocaust for Allah, during the commercial breaks of the real Holocaust, according to wingnut radio host Michael Savage, who we actually didn’t know still existed: Read more on Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!…
  He'll make Mexico great again too!

Donald Trump Risks His Life To Yell At Messicans

Listen up, you Messico losers!
The Donald already knows everything there is to know about everything, including Mexico. That’s where they make all the rapists and the drugs and the murderers too, and also the Donald Trump piñatas. And when he is president, he is going to build a YOOOOOOOGE fence around it, and it will be made of gold and say TRUMP and it will be so fuckin’ classy, you don’t even know. Read more on Donald Trump Risks His Life To Yell At Messicans…
  Cantaloupe calves

Rep. Steve King Is Most Mexicanest Person Alive, Says Rep. Steve King

Olé!
What comes to mind when you think of Iowa Rep. Steve King? Racist? Wingnut? Asshole? Dumb as a knapsack full of syphilitic fucks? Well you are wrong, because the only thing that should come into your mind when you hear the name “Steve King” is “Most Likely To Be So Mexican,” because that’s what’s true: Read more on Rep. Steve King Is Most Mexicanest Person Alive, Says Rep. Steve King…
  Lube sold separately

Hey, GOP, If You Love Donald Trump So Much, You Can Shove Him Up Your Butthole

Not available at any Trump retail locations
Do you love Donald Trump SOOOO much you’d gay-marry him and his totally not fake hair, if that weren’t a gross abomination? If you are a Republican, probably yes! (But without the gay marriage, obvs; you’d just anonymously blow him in a truck stop glory hole, then go home to your lovely wife.) Turns out, Republicans are falling madly in love with Trump, on the real: Read more on Hey, GOP, If You Love Donald Trump So Much, You Can Shove Him Up Your Butthole…
  Hes a Ficus Conservative

Democratic Plant Donald Trump Is Not Democratic Plant, Says Donald Trump

They can't all be masterpieces. Or any of them.
Serious Presidential Contender Donald Trump (we almost typed that with a straight face … almost) angrily denied suggestions that he was a secret Democratic operative loosed on the 2016 Republican field to make the party look stupid. For one thing, with Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb! Bush, and several thousand other candidates, the field needed no extra help. Specifically, Trump took issue with Florida Republican congresstroll Carlos Curbelo’s recent suggestion that maybe, just maybe, Trump might be a stealth Democrat. Curbelo, who supports Jeb! Bush, said in a recent radio interview: Read more on Democratic Plant Donald Trump Is Not Democratic Plant, Says Donald Trump…
  Trick question they both lose

Who Would Win In A Cage Fight Between Donald Trump And El Chapo?

Oooooooops, accidentally picked on somebody bigger than him.
Ooh ooh ooh! Donald Trump seems to have pissed off an ACTUAL Mexican crime-lord, and it is the biggest one of all: Sinaloa cartel leader Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, who recently pulled off ANOTHER insane escape from prison, involving a tunnel that started in the shower in his jail cell and ended up almost a mile away in a house under construction. (Wonder if he had help!) Read more on Who Would Win In A Cage Fight Between Donald Trump And El Chapo?…
  A Really Smart Person

Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
The Great American Hairball, Donald Trump, reportedly offered an amusing variation this weekend on his longstanding view that the Iraq War was a huge, not-classy mistake. At a meeting of the conservative Hollywood group “Friends of Abe” (Lincoln, not Vigoda), Trump explained what George W. Bush got wrong in the years after 9/11, according to LA Weekly: Read more on Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe…
  Won't somebody think of the younglings?

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Anti-Vaxxer Death Squads Will Set Us Free

Welcome back, folks! It’s time again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly guide for all the hottest tips and tricks to feng shui your crystals into an alignment more conducive for your chakral energy surges. Y’know, bullshit. We’ve got a full collection of stories to cover so let’s dive right in. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Anti-Vaxxer Death Squads Will Set Us Free…
  Wonkette movie review

A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell

Donald Trump has become persona non grata among decent people these days, because he said Mexican immigrants are “bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Sure, he allowed that some Mexicans are just the sweetest, except for the rape. Thursday, former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer affirmed that she thinks Trump is completely right, that illegal immigration is out of control, and that the desert in Arizona is literally impassable these days, due to all the headless corpses. However, underneath xenophobic, racist, hateful, broad-brushing, nativist remarks like these, is there a grain of truth? Is there a story to be told here? Did you idiots even watch “Breaking Bad”? Read more on A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell…