Wonkette

You, the humans on the internet, voted earlier today for Texas to be that lucky state that secedes and forms Paultardia. We expect the Texas legislature to listen to Wonkette’s readership and draft secession papers immediately. Be sure to keep this slimy alien out, too. [The Plank]

On one hand, an endorsement from a Kennedy is a pretty big political prize, even in 2008. On the other hand, it’s an endorsement from Ted Kennedy …. [Breitbart]

This is too adorable. Look how those darling Hispanics in Texas like Hillary now that they can’t vote for Bill Richardson! After seeing this, we’ll grant Hillary die-hards some amnesty for the twin abominations of “Hillary 4 U & Me” and “Hillary Clinton: Making Our Dreams Come True.” It’s got a beat. You can dance to it. [YouTube]

Barack’s win streak is over at eight! In a sense! After a long, winding, self-indulgent speech, a New Mexico Democratic official — Brian “Listening To You Is Worse Than Having Cancer Of The” Colon — just declared Hillary Clinton the winner of the state’s caucuses, which were held on Super Tuesday. So it actually happened before Barack’s eight-state win streak, but who’s counting! Expect a huge Hillary spin rally in the near future, with lots of mariachi children gently strumming in the background. [CNN]

On Monday, I directed you to an ultra-glamorous velvet painting of the secretary of state as an example of the wonderful world of Condi-inspired art. Since I was in a Condicentric mood (as usual), I never thought to see what else this gifted painter had to offer. Well, let me tell you, the Condi painting on black velvet was only the tip of a fabulous iceberg! Join me after the jump to marvel over Velvet Rove, Velvet Cheney, Velvet Ashcroft and… Velvet Lynndie England? Are these the most superfantastic portraits of our time? Probably!

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Thank you “Pebble Beach Cavuto” for showing us that WALNUTS! is not only a liberal, but a Democrat as well. [via Crooks and Liars]

Sweet Jesus, it’s a conservative explaining a non-conservative opinion to crazy conservative wildebeests at CPAC! What is happening to “our Republican Party,” where they need to explain things? This is not America. This is Mexico. This is what the Mexicans do.

Everyone loves orange-headed Space.com founder Lou Dobbs. After all, he has protected you from the Mexican. By hosting a teevee show about how he will stop the Terrible Mexicans, Lou Dobbs truly personifies America: He is a very rich person making millions of additional dollars every year saying things that make certain unemployed people feel angry. And then those angry unemployed people watch the commercials for denture slime or protections against home intruders or time-share offers or over-the-counter solutions to the heartbreak of incontinence. LOU DOBBS IS AMERICA. [Lou Dobbs For President]

The top US immigration enforcement lady is gearing up to send about 10% of America’s prison population packing this year on account of being criminally Mexican. Julie Meyers, who is an assistant secretary at DHS, has ramped up prison deportations from a puny 64,000 in 2006 to a still-puny 164,000 in 2007, and sees no need to stop there. Many of the foreigns in question lost their legal status as a result of the crimes they committed and have families here and whatnot, but they just should have thought of that before they went and did a bunch of crimes. After decades of overcrowding, there should now be plenty of room for hard-working American felons in this country’s various penal facilities. [New York Times]

Crybaby candidate Hillary Clinton, after spending five days in New Hampshire telling everyone how human and nice she was, went door-to-door in Las Vegas Thursday ripping on that 4-year-old hobo Barack Obama. She described his background as “a part-time state senator for a few years, and then he came to the Senate and immediately started running for president.” Clearly the people of Nevada would prefer a candidate who came out of the womb and immediately started running for president. MORE »

Poor Mexico Bill. He lost in a country where he’s not even a citizen. Just goes to show that democracy can be bought. [Photo by Darryl Knudsen]