Wonkette: Metro Section

Taking Turns Baking Worms With The Bacon & Eggs

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:15:15 EDT

"In the past 3 seasons, the Nationals have exceeded expectations, which was mostly a function of having very low expectations. After disappointing everyone last year by not having a historically bad season, expectations are higher this year." [DCist]
"Herb Peterson's passing reminds me of a time when invention and passion went hand in hand and unencumbered by focus groups and years of scientific analysis. With that in mind, I think we should take a second to celebrate all that is the Egg McMuffin." [Brightest Young Things]
"Attention, all you Ye Old Towne Alexandria tourists: the King Street Trolley is coming. Oh, and it will ring a very annoying brass bell for as many times as the driver sees fit." [Metroblogging DC]
"Kandula, the National Zoo's 6-year-old bull elephant, began showing signs of a change a little over a year ago. He started spending more time away from his mother and lashing out at his toys. Keepers could see him flexing his growing muscles, occasionally flashing the whites of his eyes." [City Paper]

Hip-Hop Macaca

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:12:32 EDT

"For our purposes, the definition of hip-hop will be broader than it's typically constructed, and will include R&B, soul, certain electronic, or whatever else deemed appropriate by the author." [DCist]
"The Republican's move, coupled with former Governor George Allen's decision to sit out the race, leaves Attorney General Bob McDonnell uncontested for the GOP nomination." [WAVY10]
"Three nights ago, I yelled at a man throwing a beer bottle in our yard. He came back, picked it up, and then threw it on the other side of the street." [Prince of Petworth]
"I've received emails that many of the local area outlets are advertising hiring in case of a strike, something that at least one of the emails that I've received has taken issue with, as a form of 'intimidation.' Some have suggested that patrons of these stores support their local grocery workers in response and pledge not to cross picket lines." [Metroblogging DC]
"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?" [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]

She Was Workin' In A Topless Place And I Stopped In For A Beer

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:02:13 EDT

"We've got to hand it to WMATA for coming up with plenty of fun, low-budget ways (in some cases, extremely low-budget) to encourage Nationals fans to take Metro to the new ballpark." [DCist]
"It is definitively impossible to be 'nit-picky' over tens of millions of dollars. How 24 million dollars is spent will always be of consequence to someone or other. So not only is this post a waste of time, it can't be even bothered to get the crux of its own question right." [why.i.hate.dc]
"I think it's some interesting stuff, but then I'm an amateur law nerd. A big part of the government's case here is that they're not violating the 2nd amendment because while they're restricting some
arms they're not restricting all arms." [Metroblogging DC]
"I've been waiting for this day for a long time. It feels like even longer than the anticipation of the Target opening. And of course it was well worth the wait." [Prince of Petworth]
"Although there are a few upscale bars in the area that have some ladies who are looking for friendship plus, it's probably a really bad idea. My advice is to steer clear of potential legal troubles and
public humiliation (of the likes of Eliot), and just do as the commoners do and hit up your local strip bar." [DC Concierge]

Moron Protesters And Mango Blendinis

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:47:09 EDT

"Seriously? You're aiming to squeak into the playoffs and you want me to commit a non-refundable up-front purchase of seats for all four rounds?" [Metroblogging DC]
"Winard Harper is a local boy done good, and it's always a pleasure to see musicians come back to perform to a hometown crowd. The 46-year-old drummer will be doing just that as he leads his wonderful sextet through two sets tomorrow night at the Kennedy Center." [DCist]

"Sorry for not updating recently, but I can't get in a lather over gun laws or the protesters. I've written about my hatred for DC's handgun ban too many times to count. And if you think one hundred moron protesters is going to work me into enough of a lather that it'll be worth it's own post, then you've got another thing coming." [why.i.hate.dc]
"Today being the vernal equinox, also known as the first day of spring, it seems like an appropriate time to mention DC's Equinox, its own rebirth and some of the cool local product they're serving." [Metrocurean]
"I recently treated my Rita's-virgin intern to the unfortunately named mango/vanilla Blendini. What I consider to be the best item on the menu, this majestic treat consists of mango italian ice, vanilla custard, and Nilla (Nilla!!) wafer bits lightly swirled together. After consuming this he turned to me and said, 'This is the best thing that happened to me all summer'." [Brightest Young Things]

Send Lawyers, Guns & Money

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 12:49:25 EDT

"At stake is much more than the District's gun laws. While the city's restrictions on the ownership of handguns is the example that provoked the lawsuit that pushed the issue through the American legal system, the Supreme Court will focus its sights on a larger question — does the U.S. Constitution guarantee a collective or individual right to own a gun?" [DCist]
"A friend of mine pointed out this hilarious lost sign. For an Igloo Lunch Box...not a lost cat or dog. A lunch box. And there is a reward!" [Prince of Petworth]
"Share Our Strength's annual Taste of the Nation is the preeminent tasting event in town, and if you've never been, you owe it to yourself to go." [Metrocurean]
"So is he gay now?" [Eavesdrop DC]
"Anti-war demonstrations to occur in Washington D.C. on March 19, 2008. Expect travel disruptions on streets north of the White House between H Street, NW and P Street, NW and between 12th Street, NW and 19th Street, NW." [Life in Mount Vernon Square]

Rounding Third He Was Headed For Home

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:19:06 EDT

"Every March I almost keel over in anticipation for the start of the new baseball season. This year is of course especially important for my fellow DC residents. The new Nationals Park opens in only a few weeks. And, sure, the parking situation still hasn't been figured out and the team will probably be pretty terrible, but, come on!" [why.i.hate.dc]
"I love this girl. Look how cool she is. She's making out with me at Shamrock Fest. She must really love me. I think I'm going to introduce her to my mom." [Arjewtino]
"Bloom simply freaks me out. It's like a love bomb, one step away from a low-protein, high-carbohydrate diet, closely followed by a coerced disowning of friends and family." [Metroblogging DC]
"Tomorrow, the Supreme Court will hear oral argument in District of Columber v. Heller, the case challenging the District of Columbia's decades-old and near-complete ban on gun ownership by city residents. At stake is interpretation of an Amendment that has received almost no judicial scrutiny in 209 years since it was enacted." [The Liberty Papers]
"I don't think the animal would appreciate you trying to have sex with it." [Eavesdrop DC]

Going Back To Houston, Do The Hot Dog Dance

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 16:45:22 EDT

"We returned to Columbia Heights and witnessed a mass congregation of firetrucks and pedestrians lurking on the sidewalk as a major blaze took hold of an apartment building on Mt. Pleasant St. We were able to get close to the blaze, scale a building and capture some moments as DC's finest attempted to quell a wild fire." [Brightest Young Things]
"Oh yes indeed, I asked for hot dog controversy, and WaPo has tracked it down for me. The guys who sell the junk food to the street vendors are outraged — appalled, even! — that the city might grant some vendor licenses to people who wouldn't buy their Utz potato chips and crappy hot dogs." [Metroblogging DC]

"After a slew of EPs, they've finally released their first full length album, Cross, and Gaspard Augé and Xavier de Rosnay are now traveling the country making sure that if you didn't know them before, you will now. They played a sold out show last night at the 9:30 Club, a night when the venue felt very much like an actual night club, as opposed to your standard rock show." [DCist]

"Guns and illicit drugs have a lot of things in common in the District. They're both illegal. They're both highly valued by their owner. And they tend to be expensive." [why.i.hate.dc]

"No skinny to tell you about but Donna was talking about a conversation she had with Nancy Pelosi yesterday and that they are confident a democrat will take over the White House, stem cell and AIDS research will be funded full force and NIH will get a shit load of money." [Diary of a DC Cabbie]

I Love You-ou, This Old Heart ...

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:50:21 EDT

"One group of local guys took their 'rock band,' breadpig, out of the living room and into Chinatown. They set up their instruments (which, when not connected to a gaming system, don't actually emit any sound) and "played" for a building crowd. They even recruited a lead singer from the bystanders, who specialized in Isely Brothers lyrics." [DCist]
"Isn't that the guy on the dollar bill? What's-his-name?" [Eavesdrop DC]

"However, I wanted to go deeper. I wanted to get beyond the dry facts of the law and try to understand what made these criminals tick. I wanted to penetrate — hey, no laughing in the back — the private world of crime." [Countersignature]

"The deplorable state of street food in DC has been a given for so long (just how many hot dog carts DOES one square mile need?) that I almost don't know what to do with this." [Metroblogging DC]

"Last January, when Minnesota's Keith Ellison was about to become the first Muslim Member of Congress, Virginia Congressman Virgil Goode went off on what can only be described as an insane rant .... Well, someone better tell the Congressman to take a Xanax, because we've got another Muslim Member of Congress." [Below the Beltway]

Just Like Calvin Coolidge's Blues

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:02:34 EDT

"The pretty people are descending upon our city. A couple big movie shoots are in town, so if you're into that sort of thing, now's your chance for an Affleck or LaBeouf sighting." [DCist]

"The hotel has hosted an inauguration ball every year since Calvin Coolidge's presidency and is said to be the place where FDR penned his famous "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" inaugural address. The Mayflower is also where I once 'illegally' took a piss." [Arjewtino]

"It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts!" [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]

"Unlike Boleyn Girl or Semi-Pro, most of the free movies this week would be more worthy of your 10 dollars. However, since you live in DC, you don't have to pay ANYTHING ...." [Brightest Young Things]

"Some crazy dude wearing ear phones was shouting and running in circles at a busy intersection. I called 911 because I did not want it on my conscience if he got brained by a semi . The operator said that guy was responsible for more 911 calls than anyone else in the city. So at least I got to walk past a local celebrity." [why.i.hate.dc]

Thousand Dollar Wedding

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 16:20:08 EDT

"Everyone's favorite falafel joint in Adams Morgan has always screamed European. Obviously with the name, Amsterdam Falafelshop, the Dutch mayo, and pictures of the Netherlands pasted all over. But now they're going European in one more way." [DCist]
"I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people — cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you." [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
"I've never been to a Target before. Will it make things better or make things worse? It'll make things better for the city and for Columbia Heights property owners. Not so much for tenants. But, what about me? A young adult living in AU Park .... Is Target any better or cheaper than making separate visits to Best Buy and Safeway?" [why.i.hate.dc]
"Where can I get bills higher than $100?" [Eavesdrop DC]

Viajo Sin Rumbo Fijo En Mis Botas Viejas

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:55:07 EST

"Former Prince George's County homeland security official Keith A. Washington, jailed awaiting sentencing for fatally shooting a furniture deliveryman and wounding another, was found last week with a handcuff key and had a 'clear intention of escaping', according to court papers filed by prosecutors." [WP]
"There are a lot of options for cheap bus rides to New York, so what makes BoltBus different? It operates on the EasyJet principle, where tickets start out dirt cheap and get more expensive as the bus gets fuller." [DCist]
"Connecticut Avenue around mid-day. Various Greenpeace fanatics around. One is professing her love of the environment on some yuppie. Another spots her next target: A tall man, long coat, just lit a cigarette." [Eavesdrop DC]
"You already eat out most nights. Admit it. Go on. Now, this Thursday, you get to know that a portion of that price you're paying for not dirtying up your dishes is going for a good cause. Yes, kids, it is time for the annual 'Dining Out for Life' Night, all of which is to benefit 'Food and Friends'." [Brightest Young Things]
"I'm not going to lie. I am no stranger to drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band. I think it is one of life's great pleasures. I just never thought I'd be drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band in a Target ...." [Prince of Petworth]

Take Him To A Whorehouse

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:42:44 EST

"I buy the Post every weekday. I spend $120 a year on the Post. I can't do it anymore .... I will not support an organization that promotes such outdated and misogynistic bullshit." [why.i.hate.dc]
"You're not going to like the sound of this: the final set of rules governing the switch from the zone system to time and distance taxi meters were published in the in the D.C. Register on Friday, and the additional passenger fee was added back in." [DCist]
"[T]the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public." [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
"There's just one problem with this idea; right now, Mark Warner is virtually guaranteed to be the next Senator from Virginia and Democrats are hungry to pick this seat up." [Below the Beltway]
"My nephew is going to be in town for a few days in April. He is 15. Do you know of any places to hear jazz (and maybe eat) where he can get in?" [DC Concierge]

And Your Deck Of Cards Missing The Jack And The Ace

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:09:28 EST

"Parents who testified last night were mostly critical of the closures, using language like, 'they want to take away education' and comparing the closures to 'taking a seed out of the ground that's already been planted'." [DCist]
"Slot machines and blackjack are both excellent ways to raise a lot of money while not fleecing your citizenry." [why.i.hate.dc]
"The plan will prevent those who don't live in the neighborhood of the stadium from parking legally on nearby streets long enough to attend a game." [WP]
"You should never get out of the cab but instead warn the driver that you will call the police and demand that the driver shows you his taxi license." [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]

Embassy Row, The Fumes They Lay Low

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:19:14 EST

“The statues grimace, scream, tear at their hair and skin. Several have collapsed in agony. Others cry and rage at the heavens.” [WP]
“The program, which starts Monday, directs county police officers to check the citizenship status of people suspected of breaking the law, no matter how minor the crime. The county also will start to deny some services to illegal immigrants.” [Below the Beltway]
“Hmmm… I’ll take a ballsmatic one” [Eavesdrop DC]
“Though Maryland doesn’t ban drivers from talking on phones while driving, sponsors said texting is even more dangerous and should be banned.” [WTOP]
“I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust pizza. You know, the one that packs as much cheese as possible into every crevice of the pizza pie? Wait — are there crevices on a pizza?” [Metroblogging DC]

Nobody's Crying 'Cause There's No One To Score For

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:48:50 EST

“A jury yesterday rejected a former Prince George’s County homeland security official’s claim that he acted in self-defense when he opened fire on two unarmed furniture deliverymen.” [WP]
“Starbucks will be closing its 7,100 stores nationwide tonight from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. in order to re-train all of its employees simultaneously on … how to make coffee.” [DCist]
“If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“Had I just seen what I thought I saw? Did this dude just eat my cookie?” [Arjewtino]
“I know there is something deeply offensive about these commercials (other than the surplus of man titties). But I can’t quite my finger on it. It’s such a bombardment of crazy.” [why.i.hate.dc]

And All Us Mortals Struggle So

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:07:08 EST

“We had a very nice place in Pennsylvania for many years before we relocated down here. However, the cost differential between Western PA and the MD/VA/DC area was quite a staggering shock to my own financial sensibilities.” [Metroblogging DC]
“About 50 demonstrators participated in the emotional rally Saturday morning. No protesters were arrested. Protester Marco Del Fuego says the group promotes a white supremacist agenda, like the Nazis.” [Examiner]
“Fifty medical workers — doctors, nurses, therapists and administrators among them — sat in a room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center gazing at a slide of Donald Duck on a screen.” [WP]
“So Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee, in order to protect students from their counselors’ ineptitude, says no more foreign talk until you’re a sophomore.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“When I fell back down to the ground, I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look again. At this point the hawk is staring at me and I could easily see from its eyes that it was telling me to back the
fuck up.” [Prince of Petworth]

Disconnect These Cables, Overturn These Tables

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:51:53 EST

“The latest Rasmussen Reports telephone survey of Virginia voters found Democrat Mark Warner still holding a significant lead over Republican Jim Gilmore in the race for the U.S. Senate.” [Below the Beltway]
“The sign is formed by curling your forefinger down and tucking it into the fold of your skin between that finger and your thumb.” [Arjewtino]
“The use of surveillance cameras by D.C. police has lowered violence in some areas of the city and helped to identify suspects and solve crimes, police say in a report released this week.” [WP]
“Okay, now that we’ve all had time to get past the thought of some skeevy person randomly typing in letters and numbers in hopes of seeing god-knows-what in people’s private photo collections ….” [Metroblogging DC]

Ain't Got No Soul, No No No No

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:06:54 EST

“Washington Monument! Lots and lots of government! A donkey and an elephant! The White House with the President!” [DCist]
“Perhaps I should have looked a little deeper. Sure, the walk featured nothing but houses and a military retirement community. But one of the houses was special. One of the houses was not just a house, but a home. A home to the greatest thief in the history of DC.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“My representation of the total snow output resulting from this snow advisory.” [Metroblogging DC]
“Let’s pretend you are a member of the Prince William County Board of Supervisors. Tax revenues are down, you’ve got a budget shortfall coming, and real estate values have plummeted. So what do you do?” [Below the Beltway]
“Just kill her, if you kill her that means you don’t have a soul.” [Eavesdrop DC]

Vote, Cheeseheads, Vote

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:20:10 EST

“This is the Lent of baseball. We wait in patient hope for the return of the game that brings us summertime joy and no shortage of rollercoaster moments.” [Metroblogging DC]
“So put down your cheese hats and irrational love for the Packers and listen up. You have a primary today.” [Arjewtino]
“In case you weren’t already convinced that the one-man crusade against Silver Spring’s Discovery Channel, which also produced a series of ads promoting the protest in the print edition of Express, was more than a little light on widespread support, take a look at the photo above.” [DCist]
“So here we go, with the District, as always, playing gameboard for right-wing and neo-liberal dreams of private contractor utopias, where we can privatize all services because someone in economics 101 talked about competition and free markets.” [Countersignature]
“As long as it isn’t Baja Fresh. I hate Baja Fresh. You made me hate it.” [Eavesdrop DC]

Valentine's Day Brings Rare Night of Sex to DC

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:24:28 EST

“The story says the strike began at 6 a.m. this morning and is planned to last 24 hours, until 6 a.m. tomorrow. But DCist just took a walk from Thomas Circle down to Freedom Plaza, and we spotted dozens of working D.C. cabs with fares inside their vehicles on the way.” [DCist]
“Stop looking at my vajayjay!” [Eavesdrop DC]
“Prince William Board of County Supervisors Chairman Corey A. Stewart, who engineered the county’s crackdown on illegal aliens last summer, plans to run for lieutenant governor next year.” [Below the Beltway]
“Yep, this is it, folks. If you haven’t bought a gift by now, probably you are scrambling and sweating or else are simply single and glad to not have to scramble and sweat. Don’t forget the meaning of this day, though. The whole idea is to show your love, not to empty your wallet.” [Metroblogging DC]

Every Resident In DC Voted For Barack Obama, Forever

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:14:18 EST

“We’ll leave you readers to interpret the results, but recommend against the folly of divvying the results into class, social, or racial categories. District voters are largely in agreement about their preferred presidential candidate, and braying about the difference between one neighborhood that voted 65 percent for Obama and another that voted 72 percent would be silly.” [DCist]
“A friend of mine sent me this but suggested I might want to check with my darling girlfriend first. I told him I didn’t think she was skilled enough to do virus repair.” [Metroblogging DC]
“A fire disrupted classes this morning at Woodson Senior High School in Northeast. The flames broke out in a janitor’s closet on the 5th floor of the school building, which is located at 5500 Eads St. NE.” [Washington City Paper]
“I’m surprised that blogging, which I have been doing now for more than 18 months, hasn’t caused any weight loss. It’s worked for some people, apparently. Check out Lynn Bering, a blogger who somehow gained 100 pounds over the course of four years but lost it thanks to her habit of keeping an online journal.” [Arjewtino]
“Starting today and continuing every Tuesday leading up to the general election on Nov. 4, the 1331 Lounge is offering politically charged snacks and drinks from 5 to 11 p.m.” [Metrocurean]

In German It Means 'Whale's Vagina'

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:53:02 EST

“Last week’s strike, on Monday, definitely affected morning commutes and traffic, but seemed to end before really causing problems for folks trying to catch a cab on their way from work to happy hour.” [DCist]
“Do you hate your job? Are you doing the same dumb ass shit every day?” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“Kellie and I voted at our precinct at 6am, the third and fourth people in line, and there was only one check-in table; one woman read off the name from her book, while the other checked that against the name in her book.” [Below the Beltway]
“Here I am, all of 25 years old, and I finally get a say in who will become nominee on the Democratic ticket. I’ve waited a long time for this.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“San Diego is the best! It’s always great weather, even in the winter.” [Eavesdrop DC]

They Put Coffee In The Coffee In Brazil

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 16:33:41 EST

“What? You don’t care about how Virginia or Maryland voters can make a selection in the Tuesday primary? You want to know how DC folks can do it?” [Metroblogging DC]
“The City Paper’s Mike DeBonis (aka Loose Lips) provides a handy roundup of endorsements so far by city officials.” [DCist]
“We’re totes impressed with this DC themed coffee table.” [DCeiver]
“Internationally, I have received visitors from 123 countries.” [Arjewtino]
“I love how people pretend that DC used to be stuffy but now it’s very chic. Well, it’s still stuffy and these young professionals and empty nesters are a big part of the problem. Nothing says ‘hip’ like a single ladder-climbing lawyer in his 30s.” [why.i.hate.dc]

Sucks To Be You, Virginia and Maryland and D.C.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:52:34 EST

“Some folks were apparently unaware that Virginia’s Republican and Democratic primaries are being held Feb. 12, a week from today, along with Maryland and D.C..” [DCist]
“People are shuffling around, not making eye contact, as I prance around shirtless, my body painted green, purple and silver, the only person enjoying the significance of this day. Bethesda — I ask — what gives?” [Metroblogging DC]
“Yesterday was, apparently, the first day of the weekly taxi cab strike. Next week drivers will strike on Tuesday. The next week on Wednesday.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“This ‘hyperculture’ encompasses a wide range of expression — from the wizardry of robots and the dazzling action of anime to the hypnotic movement of butoh and the propulsive energy of taiko.” [Brightest Young Things]
“Tuesday is hogging all the attention this week being both Fat and ‘Super.’ What about lil’ old Thursday? It’s the start of the Chinese New Year.” [Metrocurean]

Thank God For The Rain To Wash The Trash Off The Sidewalk

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:26:15 EST

“The Taxicab Industry Group is encouraging a taxi strike to run from 7 a.m. Monday to 7 p.m. Monday in response to D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty’s plan to switch District cabs to a time-and-distance based
meter system.” [WTOP]
“A House of Delegates committee rejected Monday a proposal to raise Virginia’s gas tax by 5.5 cents a gallon, to 23 cents.” [WP]
“It’s different from the way most other Mid-Atlantic cities approach plowing, but seemingly the only real down side, assuming Fenty can pull it off, is that it will just cost more to do each time.” [DCist]
“There are over 50 advertisements in the Farragut North station alone. Yeah, I counted.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“Most of you DC residents love me for fucking those DC cab drivers up don’t you? Fuck them!” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]

School's Out

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:25:19 EST

“Dan Snyder goes on his annual power-trip trying to convince the rest of the NFL and his Redskins’ poor, unfortunate fanbase that he’s not merely a competent owner, but a brilliant one.” [DCist]
“After months of only visiting my MySpace profile in order to delete spam friend requests from half-nude women, I’ve reached the end of the line.” [WUSA9]
“A hard drive containing the Social Security numbers of nearly 40,000 Georgetown students, alumni, faculty and staff was reported stolen from the office of Student Affairs on Jan. 3.” [The Hoya]
“At this point it’s not even about the money anymore, but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver.” [Dairy of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“The Washington Academy shutdown will mark the first midschool-year closure of a D.C. charter site.” [The Examiner]

What's In That Drink?

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:09:29 EST

“We can’t let them get away with doing it anymore. Join me in the PROTEST AGAINST THE DISCOVERY NETWORK.” [DCist]
“I know Pat Buchanan is so declasse that he puts ice cubes in his white wine. I have Maureen Dowd’s and Reed Landry’s ticket stubs from the Neil Diamond tribute concert they attended last week. I know that
Charles Krauthammer uses the fastest wheelchair I’ve ever seen.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“Davis says he almost left Congress two years ago to head a trade association and has had headhunters calling him. But, he says he still wants to see what he can get accomplished on Capitol Hill.” [WTOP]
“With crafty cocktails popping up with greater frequency (and mixologists moving all over town), I got to wondering about the state of the cocktail in DC. [Metrocurean]

Obamarama

KLayne — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:57:34 EST

“It’s heartbreaking to consider it took a crime of the magnitude of the Jacks case for the city to get serious about overhauling its child welfare agency.” [DCist]
“I am proud to announce that my alma mater, American University, has equaled the accomplishments of Harvard, Brown, and Columbia in one important regard.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“So, I finally got the website up and running.” [Eavesdrop DC]
“I had quite a few stripper friends at JP’s and of course I go there because I enjoy the great gourmet food they serve, I don’t pay attention to the girls with hot nude bodies with their boobies hanging out.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“I figured, this was just another stump speech, just another appearance. I was wrong. The line was already four blocks long.” [Metroblogging DC]

Soylent Green Is People

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:42:07 EST

“Anyhow, they’re filtering the internet in DC offices now, so you don’t have to worry about needing to hose the desks down with Lysol.” [Metroblogging DC]
“Because, Jesus Christ, it’s loud and it’s annoying. It’s getting in the way of my enjoyment of Lifetime movies and Project Runway and that shit won’t stand.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“Organizer Maria Jones, an activist parent of a child at one of the schools on the current closure list, Burroughs Elementary, told Jason Cherkis that she and fellow organizers will encourage all teachers, students, and DCPS employees to skip work and school a week from today and march from DCPS to the Wilson Building.” [DCist]
“I was at Pentagon City Metro at 8:30pm this evening and saw one of the no-passenger trains go by. Nothing odd there. Except this one had one of the cars full of locked carts, with an armed guard standing in the doorway keeping us from getting in. He was carrying heat too, looked like an MP5. Any idea what the hell is in those carts?” [Silent Bob, via email]

They Never Even Played A Show, You Can't Hear 'Em On The Radio

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:25:14 EST

“This is Candy Tistadt, Dean Tistadt’s wife. This message is for Dave Kori. How dare you call us at home?! If you’ve got a problem with going to school, you do not call somebody’s house and complain about it.” [DCist]
“You guys are crazy! Wilco always does an unbelievable show at the 9:30 club.” [Prince of Petworth]
“One parent of an Idea Public Charter School student says the problem has been ongoing for weeks, but no one from Metro or either school was aware of the problem until Fox 5 showed them the video.” [FOX5]
“The proposal, which goes to the Senate, would require Northern Virginia residents to pay sales taxes on car purchases directly to the state instead of through dealers” [Read Express]
“Since I can’t make a decent living anymore driving a cab in DC thanks to Mayor Fenty, maybe this will be my resume in progress so you guys can hire me next year as your personal trainer so I can turn you in to a hot sexy chick or a fine strong hunk.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]

Strip Clubs On Fire

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:17:04 EST

“A gas fire destroyed most of a strip club just north of Georgetown early this morning, D.C. fire officials said, and an unrelated blaze in Bladensburg badly damaged a cocktail lounge.” [WP]
“Still, it’s pretty fun to plug and chug common taxi rides to find out how much you can expect to pay once taxi meters are in place. For example, a metered ride from U and 13th Streets NW to the main drag on Mt. Pleasant Street calculates out at $6 in normal traffic — a full $2.80 less than what drivers charge under the zone system.” [DCist]
“So, that $611,000,000 price cap on the stadium was, as expected, total bullshit.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“This moron, in addition to shilling for the AEI, works at a university, so he should be the first to know that universities tend to jump at opportunities to shed departments.” [Countersignature]

Brother, My Cup Is Empty

KLayne — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:29:26 EST

“One in three children in the District live in poverty. One in three. The city’s infant mortality rate and number of adults in foster care both on the rise, as well.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“Look at this guy. How comfortable does he look? Aside from that empty bread basket on his head, this dude really does embody the contemporary man.” [Arjewtino]
“You are gonna walk around with my gavel hanging out of your ass until your trial date, so you can remember what an arrogant, ignorant, no boating ass you are.” [DCeiver]
“Now DC cabs are the only ones that don’t have the surcharge for extra passengers …. More passengers means more consumption of gas, more tear and wear on the vehicle and more boring and painful conversations that passengers carry on amongst each other that the driver has to listen to.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“Yeah, my weekend was really relaxing…oh, by the way, is your brother still alive?” [DCist]

That's What I Like About the South

KLayne — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:59:38 EST

Gay firefighter incensed by accusations of gayness. [DCist]
“Another suspicious sign that we might be in the South is the way a lot of people talk.” [Used Wigs]
“This is the most mean-spirited piece of legislation I have seen in my 30 years down here.” — Senate Majority Leader Richard L. Saslaw, D-Fairfax. [Below the Beltway]
Customer, value, service? Care, volunteer, safety? [Eavesdrop DC]
“Urban heat has been implicated in increased summer thunderstorm activity, but in the case of today’s snow, it means that we get less accumulation here downtown, as more of it tends to melt as it falls or after hitting the ground.” [Metroblogging DC]

Cabs Cost Less Now, So Go Ride In One

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:56:38 EST

“Mayor Adrian Fenty held a news conference this morning announcing lower fares for the new time and distance taxi meters he has mandated to be operational in all D.C. taxicabs by April 6. The flag drop will be $3 instead of $4. There will also be no more rush hour surcharge, and no more additional passenger fee.” [DCist]
Vote (Republican) or die. [WP]
“So Mayor Fenty wants the City Council to spend another $200,000,000.00 of city money to help pay for a billion dollar project to revitalize the Southwest Waterfront. I’ve never been to Southwest. I hear it’s where concrete goes to die. Whatever. I doubt SW needs the money anymore than anything across the Anacostia, but, hey, if it ends up being a profitable venture for the city, so be it. But it won’t be.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“It shall be unlawful for any person or persons to display, exhibit, handle, or use any poisonous or dangerous reptile in such a manner as to endanger the life or health of any person. My question: Why keep them at all if not to endanger someone’s life or health?” [Metroblogging DC]

MLK To Spend MLK Day Being Dead

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:56:57 EST

“This year’s lineup includes six jazz quartets and four “urban music” quartets who the organizers feel will reflect the talent and diversity of musicians across the United States. The artists will kick of their tours with performances at National Geographic and New York’s Lincoln Center before heading off to destinations abroad.” [DCist]
“So do you have off for MLK day?” [Eavesdrop DC]
“I admit that sometimes this blog title is misleading. I guess it’s because I was always raised to never say “hate.” My mother would always tell me that “hate” was always too strong a word. But I honestly think it applies here. Hate. I have nothing but hate right now for D.C. I have nothing but hate for a place that could allow this to happen.” [why.i.hate.dc]

Driving In Virginia May Not Cost Your Soul Anymore

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:47:27 EST

“We must continue to look for strategies to promote safety on the road,” said Kaine, who has been under pressure from fellow Democrats to end the fees. “The abuser-fee idea has flunked with voters, and we should acknowledge it and move on.” [Below the Beltway]
“Did you know that D.C. has an Office of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Affairs? I certainly didn’t, and the Office’s annual report indicated that it has more work to do to raise awareness of its existence.” [DCist]
“We don’t weigh in ‘til next week right?” [Eavesdrop DC]
“I am from DC enough to know that confidence, even when unfounded, gets you pretty damn far in this town.” [Average Jane]
“Remember, any time you descend an escalator into the bowels on Metro after a long day of work, there is a one-in-five shot that your train will be significantly late. Even two minutes can turn a relatively comfortable commute into a nightmare. Maybe that’s the reason most people in this city seem so distant and grumpy.” [why.i.hate.dc]

The Mayor of DC Fires Someone Not in Iowa

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 17:30:55 EST

“I’m relatively new to this town, moved here in October and starting working for BYT four days into my stay here. Needless to say I got to know the nightlife scene rather well, rather quickly (I even have a drink named after me at the RNR, ask Fritz for the Pat Jarrett). However, in this flurry of hip nightlife bar hopping and fantastic concert covering I really overlooked the obvious. I made it my mission to see the big things by year’s end, and I finally completed my tourist trek last weekend. Here’s to being a tourist in your home town!” [Brightest Young Things]
“Office politics have become more important to the people in charge than a law that the Fenty Administration believes protects the safety of District residents. Think about those priorities. Morrison’s firing is outrageous. And I’m becoming more and more disillusioned with Mayor Fenty and the advisers that have his ear. How this move can be interpreted as anything but a disaster is beyond me. What were these people thinking?” [why.i.hate.dc]
“It probably was disturbing. But then again, it was fun. So I kept hitting them as their parents laughed or shrugged their shoulders. Dealing with girls is different, though.” [Arjewtino]

Avoid Getting Shot Tonight, If Possible

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 17:28:18 EST

“The incident began when Poke overpowered several corrections guards Wednesday morning on the hospital’s fourth floor, taking two guns. He then fired several shots as he tried to break free of shackles around his legs. Once outside the hospital, Poke carjacked a Toyota Camry after shooting out the car’s window and hitting the driver in the head.” [WTOP]
“Levy’s mother, Susan Levy, said she welcomes the renewed attention her daughter’s death will receive. Most of the investigators originally involved in the case have retired or moved on to other jobs.” [The Modesto Bee]
“An increase in violent crime is by no means good news, but we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — it is actually important to remember that this is the fourth year in a row that had fewer than 200 murders. The 168 homicides recorded in 2006 was actually a 21-year low. We’ve come a long way from the early 1990s…” [DCist]
“The MPD took 350 firearms off the DC streets this weekend as part of a buyback program, in which people are given between $10 and $100 for their firearms. It’s a good way to get rid of your guns, as they’ll be melted down by a local foundry, but since they’re test-fired by ballistics experts first, you might not want to turn in that murder weapon you’ve been keeping.” [Metroblogging DC]

Metro Operators Whoring for Presents

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 17:57:38 EST

“I think my friend Lugosi has a better chance pulling a threesome with two hot chicks in his taxicab tonight. But I have been a Redskins fan ever since I was 5 years old and when you’re a die hard fan the realist in you disappears and you keep believing.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie]
“I am going to set the JetBlue corporate offices on fire.” [why.i.hate.dc]
“Did you really screw up with the gift you got your wife/ husband/ sister/ brother/ boss/ secretary/ mistress/ masseur/ milkman/ gym buddy and now you need to make it right? Need a New Year’s gift for that special someone? Look no further.” [Metroblogging DC]
“Everyone have wonderful holiday this year. Please don’t forget your favorite train operator. I accept cards, gift cards, credit cards, offroad vehicles, sports cars, Mercedes Benz. If everyone on this train did a collection you could get me something real nice.” [DCist]

WaPo Continues To Be Free Online

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:03:07 EST

Hmm, I wonder how we might forestall the popular decline and ultimate financial death of print journalism as we know it…wait, here’s an idea! [DCist]
But what about Mike Gravel? Alan Keyes, at least? [Below the Beltway]
“You get to feel indulgent even though you’re eating some pretty healthy food. Two of DC’s best Italian restaurants are offering a fish feast over the holidays.” [Metrocurean]
Blackwater Worldwide has thus far denied any involvement in the incident, as Blackwater Worldwide founder Erik Prince is allergic to cats. [WTOP]
“Way to go out on a limb there, Chief. If those allegations are found to be true, you’re willing to call his employment into question? If I asked my bosses what they’d do if I got caught trying to diddle a 14-year-old, I’m guessing they’d go several degrees beyond an employment review.” [why.i.hate.dc]