Diaper Pants David Vitter joked he would never let Rachel Maddow put diapers on him, because that would be gross: Rachel Maddow has man-features! And then David Vitter apologized to Rachel Maddow and his entire family, as is his wont. [MOAR WORDS!
While you were at home stuffing turkey into your tongue cave with a fork lift, DEA agents and Navy SEALs were napalming the dickens out of Boone Forest, which means all of your evil marijuana plants are now incinerated forever. Happy Thanksgiving, you degenerate stoners! MOAR WORDS!
Knock-knock! Ezra Klein, are you there? So. There is sexual predator that rides the same bus as you. He knows your name. He likes you. In a sexual way. Next time you take the bus, look around you. Is there a strange man staring at you as he touches himself? THAT’S HIM! [MOAR WORDS!
Before you appear on a reality tee-vee program, make sure to read the STD clause in your release very carefully. Very very carefully. Because MTV will not fix your genitals if you dry-hump a MOAR WORDS!
Summer. It’s over, and not even Bryan Adams can make it sound sexy (you might have bought that six-string at the five-and-dime, but MJ is fucking dead). Anyway, an intern needs your help. Last night he smoked a marijuana cigarette. Will John Ensign ask him to pee in a Dixie cup? ...
Who twitters for Metro? Tolstoy? You cannot write long-winded descriptions of the Great Steppe of Russia, where the peasants are honest and work with their hands (and the Metro stop has no working escalators). Sorry Leo, there’s a 140-character limit. [MOAR WORDS!
OH GREAT JOB everybody. You were all too busy downloading penis enlargement pills, and paying for cheese pizza over the Internet, to bother using our nation’s postal service! Now the USPS is downsizing, and it might even stop delivering mail on Saturday, the Jewish sabbath (!?). ...