Hey bitchez. Whatcha doin’? Being stupid bitches? That sounds about right. Here, for instance, is a documentary prepared by some cool guy at whoever does the in-house documentaries for the DC Metro public transportation system, which everyone loves very much, and it is all about how their buses only break down every 8,000 miles, so […]

Virginia Congressman Jim Moran was none too pleased when he heard about the ad shown above, which says “Barack Obama wants politicians and bureaucrats to control America’s entire medical system. Go to hell Barack” and can be found in the Clarendon, Virginia Metro station. (Sorry if this post is “inside baseball,” since it involves the […]

A “blinking Christmas ornament” was put in the trash at the Pentagon Metro stop this morning, so of course the station had to be shut down, because terrorism. Officials told the AP they “took it seriously,” which is what they always do, even though they should be racist-profiling blinking Eid ornaments, not Christmas ornaments. The […]

Up in New York City, the gay bars are called things like “The Cock,” and the go-go boys start going full-nude at about 4 PM. In Los Angeles, all of West Hollywood is gay — especially your favorite action movie heroes. But in DC, “go-go” is a junkyard music I’m still trying to like, and […]

A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District’s WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she was angry that I’d not leveled a similar attack on the preferred footwear of DC men. […]

Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really sort of fine part of town that idiot teabaggers call a “gay area.” Lawyers are mad […]

This smarmy crybaby in pleated trousers was just bitching so loudly because the escalator at the Shaw metro stop was “broken” yesterday. He was a grown man eating a candy bar, which is against The Subway Rules in the first place, and his too-pretty-for-him girlfriend was in those weird ballet shoes with the Neverending Story […]

What do you do when a young black man you don’t even know dies in a hail of gang-related gunfire? To be honest, I don’t do much but briefly consider the crushing absurdity of violence before getting on with my day. I’m not a particularly religious man, but you might say a little prayer for […]

As long as Wonkette keeps calling people “Quiznos-stuffed slobs” and “corn-syrup-chugging Hot Pockets monsters,” I figure that it’s only fair that I try not being a wheezing lard burden on society myself. Thus, I’ve been trying frickin’ yoga, an increasingly popular DC pastime in which pretentious people get to sometimes literally sniff each other’s butts […]

On the one hand, Washington is the perfect venue for this Saturday’s Glenn Beck Caveman Jamboree/Eagle Cookout: Not only are there goddamn Subways everywhere — the better to measure your salami and Ranch dressing intake in inches — but it’s a scientific fact that the homeless urinate on DC’s public transportation 90% less than they […]

Diaper Pants David Vitter joked he would never let Rachel Maddow put diapers on him, because that would be gross: Rachel Maddow has man-features! And then David Vitter apologized to Rachel Maddow and his entire family, as is his wont. [Washington Post] Matt Yglesias is very concerned about overcrowding on the Metro in 2020. This […]

DO ANY AND ALL TRAVELING WITHIN THE D.C. AREA THAT YOU WILL NEED TO DO IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. This Sunday socialist death cartel Metro is raising bus and rail fares $0.25 to $0.35. SmarTrip (isn’t that cool how they combined the “T,” and not dumb at all?) cards have been lowered to $2.50, […]

A reporter for hot gossip emporium Yeas & Nays was “publicly berated” for asking Sean Penn why he wished a bout of rectal cancer upon her posterior. [Washington Examiner] The ACLU is suing a Mississippi high school that canceled its prom as a precautionary measure intended to discourage lesbian girls from attending its prom. The […]

WONKETTE TRANSIT DESK  11:51 am February 12, 2010

by Jim Newell

STUPID RED LINE, WHAT WITH THE CONSTANT BREAKING: “The front wheels of the first car of a Red Line train derailed at 10:13 a.m. as it was approaching the Farragut North Metro station. Passengers are being evacuated and no injuries have been reported. Other Red Line trains are being turned back from Farragut North, and […]

While you were at home stuffing turkey into your tongue cave with a fork lift, DEA agents and Navy SEALs were napalming the dickens out of Boone Forest, which means all of your evil marijuana plants are now incinerated forever. Happy Thanksgiving, you degenerate stoners!