Tag: meth

Florida Man Now Doing Bath Salts While Writing Journamalism

Florida: It's not the heat, it's the turgidity.
Also, they're not so crazy about his followers

Trump Tells Roomful Of Nevadans They Say ‘Nevada’ Wrong, Because Why Not At This Point?

Donald Trump isn't your "typical politician" in much the same way that an empty beer can smooshed between two mummified rats isn't your "typical sandwich." This beer-can-between-rats quality was again on display at a campaign stop in Reno, Nevada, Wednesday night, when...
Ew gay.

Breitbart And Stupidest Man On Internet Can’t Stop Posting Fake-Ass Trump Rally Pictures

It's weird how all Trump rallies look like Cleveland Cavaliers celebrations.

Derp Roundup: Andrea Tantaros Does Bondage!

Time for another quick check-in with stories what were clogging up our browser tabs all week but we couldn't quite bring ourselves to do a full post on, but which were too wonderfully stoopit to ignore altogether. Also a...
Scary Monsters then, Scary Monsters now

McCain Fundraiser Nabbed In Meth-Lab Bust. This Is Excellent News For John McCain!

A top fundraiser for Sen. John McCain was arrested Tuesday in a Phoenix meth lab bust -- or at least, according to the very careful phrasing in the Arizona Republic, Emily Pitha is a "woman listed as the RSVP...

Donald Trump’s Mouthbreathing Supporters Will Burn This Mofo DOWN!

When Donald Trump sends his rage-fueled idiot-ass supporters to the Republican National Convention, he's not sending the best America has to offer. He's sending bitter, dumbass white people who are convinced they're only dead-end losers because The Blacks and The Mexicans took something...
Vatican expert

Mike Huckabee Furious With Gay Liberals Who Run Roman Catholic Church

Did you know that Pope Francis is secretly a cousin-fucking hillbilly Mike Huckabee/Kim Davis supporter? It's true! (According to Mike Huckabee.) And did you know that the pope is being prevented from telling THE REAL TRUTH about how he...
Take that, Austin!

The One Place In Texas It’s Not OK To Carry A Gun Is In Your Vagina

You know what we love about working at Wonkette? We love coming across a story with a headline like "Cops: Woman Concealed Loaded Gun in Vagina" and having to double-check to make sure it's different from that OTHER loaded-gun-in-a-vagina...
This might explain The Great And Powerful Trixie's distrust of wheels.

PSA: Don’t Make Meth In Federal Labs And Blow Them Up. You Might Lose Your Job.

One more thing to add to your New Employee Handbook: Please do not cook meth in your workplace. A law enforcement officer at a federal lab has resigned after an explosion destroyed a security door in a building at...

A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell

Donald Trump has become persona non grata among decent people these days, because he said Mexican immigrants are "bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Sure, he allowed that some Mexicans are just the sweetest, except for the rape. Thursday, former...

It’s Another Oregon Meth-Bust Alligator Story!

What is it about Drugs-N-Gators? What compels so many people with drugs to also have a member of Alligator mississipiensis on hand? Is it because gators are tough? Or useful in protecting one's stash, as in the classic example...

Oregon Meth Binge Generates 2013’s Greatest Headline

We didn't think that any story could possibly top the November 2012 headline from Scott Lake, Washington: Two Alligators, A Pole Dancer And Pot At Olympia Area Shooting Scene. And yet we knew it was at least theoretically possible,...

Doctor Testifies Homeless Man Kelly Thomas Killed By Meth, Not All That Beating By Police

In Fullerton, California, a forensic pathologist testified that a homeless man didn't die from being beaten and tasered in 2011. Nah, that was just what was going on at the time when his heart happened to fail because he...

Breaking Bad Legos-Not-Legos Toyset Greatly Outrages Perennially Outraged Daily Mail

What is with the Brits these days? Seems like all they do is get outraged with America now, whether it's our ????? in Syria, or some toy based on our teevee shows -- like this newest example of most...

Gretchen Carlson All Hung Up on Her Right to Buy Sudafed

With her eyes bugging out of her head just so -- that's how you know when she means BIZNESS! -- Gretchen Carlson took a whack or 40 at Eric Holder, the Justice Department, and anybody in the world who...

Nation’s Sexiest Supervisor in Meth-Fueled Sex-Tape Sexytime

Do you see that lady? She is Nadia Lockyer, Alameda County, California, supervisor. Do you see that man? That is her husband, California state Treasurer Bill Lockyer. We know, right? So you could maybe understand why she has been...