meth

What is it about Drugs-N-Gators? What compels so many people with drugs to also have a member of Alligator mississipiensis on hand? Is it because gators are tough? Or useful in protecting one’s stash, as in the classic example of the drug gator genre? Or are there just more people with drugs and people with […]

We didn’t think that any story could possibly top the November 2012 headline from Scott Lake, Washington: Two Alligators, A Pole Dancer And Pot At Olympia Area Shooting Scene. And yet we knew it was at least theoretically possible, however unlikely. And now, dear readers, we may finally have a winner — we’ll let you […]

In Fullerton, California, a forensic pathologist testified that a homeless man didn’t die from being beaten and tasered in 2011. Nah, that was just what was going on at the time when his heart happened to fail because he was a meth addict: Dr. Steven Karch, the final witness for two former city police officers […]

What is with the Brits these days? Seems like all they do is get outraged with America now, whether it’s our ????? in Syria, or some toy based on our teevee shows — like this newest example of most amazing unlicensed awesomeness, a fake-lego set awesomely called “Bricking Bad” that is inspiring “outrage” (on twitter!) […]

With her eyes bugging out of her head just so — that’s how you know when she means BIZNESS! — Gretchen Carlson took a whack or 40 at Eric Holder, the Justice Department, and anybody in the world who would, say, see terrible stories about 96-year-old ladies being denied the ID they’d need to vote […]

Do you see that lady? She is Nadia Lockyer, Alameda County, California, supervisor. Do you see that man? That is her husband, California state Treasurer Bill Lockyer. We know, right? So you could maybe understand why she has been having (allegedly) meth-feuled sex-tape sexytime with some dude she met in rehab (because of course), and […]

Meth-hungry gay hooker aficionado and Jesus salesman Ted “Swear I’m Not A Homo” Haggard is back in the news for agreeing to sell his wife to Gary Busey on national television in exchange for money that they will each be paid for doing this, as “popular entertainment.” We sincerely hope that the tapes of this […]

Former leading Bush evangelical megachurch pastor/guy who did crystal meth with gay prostitutes Ted Haggard is featured in the February issue of Gentlemen’s Quarterly, so that gentlemen can remove their top hats and waistcoats, sit down at the chair with some light reading, and laugh at him. “I cried when the Chilean miners got rescued. […]

Tom DeLay is back in court today for the “sentencing phase” of his trial. Although DeLay “faces up to life in prison on the money laundering charge and up to 20 years on the conspiracy charge,” he is also “white” and “eligible for probation.” And apparently many Experts believe he will receive probation. Haha, oh […]

From the noble Brownstones of Brooklyn to the hilltop villas of Malibu that fall onto incoming traffic whenever there’s a mudslide, America is full of architectural gems. So it’s rather worrisome that New Orleans officials are planning to rid their city of the last remaining FEMA trailers — national treasures which are widely recognized as […]

The most important thing you can do for your country at this moment is buy a “WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?” billboard, but you probably don’t know where to start. “How do I make a sign that big?” you’re asking yourself, “And how do I get the money? Small businesses are hurting everywhere, including my own […]

NEWS SHOCKER: Meg Stapleton, holder of the World’s Worst Job as spokeswoman for an increasingly fragile and erratic unemployed publicity hound, had to once again explain at the very last minute how Sarah Palin would not be headlining an event that the event organizers thought she would be headlining. This happens every five days or […]

Like Sarah Palin said last night, mayors have Actual Responsibilities, unlike community organizers who just help poor people stay alive after their steel plant jobs are outsourced. And Sarah Palin’s responsibilities included funding “the meth capitol of Alaska,” as Alaskan State Troopers call the Wasilla region: “When authorities surrounded a converted bus housing a meth […]

GAWKER  11:00 am November 30, 2006

Happy National Meth Day!

by Alex Pareene