metaphors
Ted Nugent Has More ‘Metaphors’ About Shooting People To Death, Again
Ted Nugent, a wise and gentle seeker of cosmic truth, as well as a known lover of humanity and rainbows and raping people into submission, has made words with the butt on his face again, and would you be surprised to learn they involve shooting people with guns? We will wait as you pick yourself [...]
Rhode Island Prof Learns Only Wingnuts Allowed To Use Violent Metaphors
by Doktor Zoom
[Updated 12/22/12; see end] So, after the Newtown massacre last Friday, Erik Loomis, a University of Rhode Island history professor, got on the Twitter Machine and expressed the sort of outrage that a lot of people were feeling that day toward the Gun Lobby and its chief: I was heartbroken in the first 20 mass [...]
GOP Apologizes For ‘Armed Revolution’ ‘Metaphor’ With Reminder To Shed Blood Of Tyrants
Seems ol’ Diddles McGee at the Greene County, Virginia, GOP, has caught some unfriendly fire after his insane ramblings about how we must have “armed revolution” if Obama succeeds at the ballot box. He tried to pull a Wyclef — “When I say gun, I mean my pen and paper” — and claim it was [...]
Gigantic Radical Homosexual Agenda Busy Tearing Holes In All The Bottoms (VIDEO)
Quick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It [...]
Bald Eagle Dies In Line of Duty Being Perfect Metaphor For Our Awful Country
by Jack Stuef
A bald eagle was killed by a train Thursday morning while enjoying breakfast on a stretch of tracks near Abderdeen, according to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Craig Koppie, an eagle coordinator with the federal agency, said the rare encounter happened in a flash. The bird was eating a deer carcass about 8:30 a.m. [...]
Mike Huckabee Waiting Until Summer To Decide If He Wants To Lose Again
by Jack Stuef
While the rest of the Republican field waits to get in, Herman Cain only gets stronger. Mike Huckabee says he will wait until the summer to start running for president, because he learned the last time he ran that it’s hard to raise a lot of money from fellow squirrel-frying entrepreneurs, and people get sick [...]
Teabag Lady First Person Ever To Use ‘Forced Down Our Throats’ Correctly
If you follow American politics and you have a soul, one of your least favorite phrases is some variation of “forced down our throats.” This is generally used to imply that some law or regulation has gone into effect as a result of an election in which the winning side received 52 to 56 percent [...]
Freepers So Angry They Will Burn Toast At You!
The latest “put a food item in the mail to Washington, DC in order to send a strongly worded message to whomever” stunt involves … a cooked bread thing! Note that bread does not appear even once in the Constitution, which is a smear on Ron Paul and our other Founding Fathers. This is why [...]
Hey MIKE HUCKABEE, Mittens “Willard” Romney sees your new book’s disparaging excerpts directed at him and raises you a brisk retort through “Eric” the traveling spokesman! “This type of pettiness is beneath Mike Huckabee… If we’re going to move the party forward, we need to offer more than personal recriminations. Unfortunately, in this book, Mike [...]
AP McCain Feature Just Chock Full of Awful Metaphors About Accordion Players
by Ken Layne
It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag [...]
Rove To Republicans: Obama Is Totally ‘That Guy’ At The Country Club
by Jim Newell
Brilliant Republican strategist Karl Rove is not Arrogant, or an Elitist. He has helped his party help poor people and the underrepresented by flying young men and women to Iraq, which they may colonize for a brighter, more prosperous future. Rove knows what an Elitist is, and it is Elitist Barack Obama. This morning, Rove [...]
Mike Huckabee Fantasizes About Prom Night Fling With John McCain
by Jim Newell
As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee had no money, staff, or knowledge of foreign policy. He did have an economic policy, but it was the Fair Tax, that famously comical pyramid scheme. So how did he get the second most delegates? Metaphors. Extended metaphors. Millions of extended metaphors about key lime pie and yard work [...]
Cartoon Violence Thinks It’s Like This But Really It’s Like This
by Alex Pareene
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