metaphors

The good folks at RightWing Watch are worried about Glenn Beck’s emotional health; he’s been all over the place lately, what with the condom gloves and the messy breakup with Michele Bachmann and his strange fantasies about memorials for Rush Limbaugh. At the moment, he seems to be on an upswing; he’s ditched the ballcap […]

Ted Nugent, a wise and gentle seeker of cosmic truth, as well as a known lover of humanity and rainbows and raping people into submission, has made words with the butt on his face again, and would you be surprised to learn they involve shooting people with guns? We will wait as you pick yourself […]

[Updated 12/22/12; see end] So, after the Newtown massacre last Friday, Erik Loomis, a University of Rhode Island history professor, got on the Twitter Machine and expressed the sort of outrage that a lot of people were feeling that day toward the Gun Lobby and its chief: I was heartbroken in the first 20 mass […]

Seems ol’ Diddles McGee at the Greene County, Virginia, GOP, has caught some unfriendly fire after his insane ramblings about how we must have “armed revolution” if Obama succeeds at the ballot box. He tried to pull a Wyclef — “When I say gun, I mean my pen and paper” — and claim it was […]

Quick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It […]

A bald eagle was killed by a train Thursday morning while enjoying breakfast on a stretch of tracks near Abderdeen, according to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Craig Koppie, an eagle coordinator with the federal agency, said the rare encounter happened in a flash. The bird was eating a deer carcass about 8:30 a.m. […]

While the rest of the Republican field waits to get in, Herman Cain only gets stronger. Mike Huckabee says he will wait until the summer to start running for president, because he learned the last time he ran that it’s hard to raise a lot of money from fellow squirrel-frying entrepreneurs, and people get sick […]

If you follow American politics and you have a soul, one of your least favorite phrases is some variation of “forced down our throats.” This is generally used to imply that some law or regulation has gone into effect as a result of an election in which the winning side received 52 to 56 percent […]

The latest “put a food item in the mail to Washington, DC in order to send a strongly worded message to whomever” stunt involves … a cooked bread thing! Note that bread does not appear even once in the Constitution, which is a smear on Ron Paul and our other Founding Fathers. This is why […]

...WHY?  5:36 pm November 17, 2008

Romney, Huckabee Officially Feuding

by Jim Newell

Hey MIKE HUCKABEE, Mittens “Willard” Romney sees your new book’s disparaging excerpts directed at him and raises you a brisk retort through “Eric” the traveling spokesman! “This type of pettiness is beneath Mike Huckabee… If we’re going to move the party forward, we need to offer more than personal recriminations. Unfortunately, in this book, Mike […]

It’s the New Associated Press! Less boring facts and whatever, and more shitty, shitty writing like you might find on a Live Journal, for the Retarded. Let’s enjoy some of the dozens of terrible metaphors in today’s AP feature on how John McCain is a shameful old fraud who should be locked in a bag […]

Brilliant Republican strategist Karl Rove is not Arrogant, or an Elitist. He has helped his party help poor people and the underrepresented by flying young men and women to Iraq, which they may colonize for a brighter, more prosperous future. Rove knows what an Elitist is, and it is Elitist Barack Obama. This morning, Rove […]

As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee had no money, staff, or knowledge of foreign policy. He did have an economic policy, but it was the Fair Tax, that famously comical pyramid scheme. So how did he get the second most delegates? Metaphors. Extended metaphors. Millions of extended metaphors about key lime pie and yard work […]

CAMPAIGNS  12:47 pm October 16, 2006

Stray Cat Blues

by Alex Pareene