messicans
Arizona Town Hall Folk Murder John McCain, Tear Lifeless Body To Shreds With Their Teeth
Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy That is sad, you guys. United States Senator John McCain is dead, murdered by these fat insane Arizonans for loving Messicans too much. “These people care for our babies,” he moaned, as the crowd descended upon him.
GOP Puts Politics In Terms That Lady Voters Can Understand
This is the THING about lady voters you guys: they do not understand anything about politics or policy, it is too complex with them. If you want ladies to vote for your candidate, you must therefore explain things in terms they can understand, using metaphors about periods and boyfriends and shopping and whatnot. This is [...]
Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!
Republicans are mad at Mexican lover Barack Obama because he wants to temporarily not destroy the lives of brown people who have lived in America pretty much their whole life by renditioning them to a country they have never lived in so they can starve in a lonely wasteland of fear. Go get em GOP! [...]
Lucha Libre Wrestler ‘Jan Brewer’s Fake Son’ Will Kick All Messicans Butts Now
Enter the warrior, he’s today’s Tom Sawyer, they call him RJ Brewer and he waves his flag in one hand and a copy of SB1070 in the other. RJ Brewer, being the fake son of Jan Brewer, fake governor of Arizona, enters the ring as if he owns it. Waiting for his opponent, he stops [...]
Meet Your Newest Wonkette, Kirsten Boyd Johnson, From Mexico!
FAITHFUL READERS: Here is a quick note from your newest patriot/Wonkette contributor. Hello, you! I just spent the last four years as an expatriate journalist in Mexico, this popular beach colony whose most famous exports are the swine flu and Republican talking points about space aliens. No one told me to go to Mexico, but [...]
Nation Celebrates Columbus Day Eve By Throwing Book, Showing Its Dick
Everyone decided it was Do Shit to Obama Day when the president had a rally in Philadelphia yesterday. Some unknown person threw a paperback book at him, for one, though apparently the president didn’t notice, so our antsy nation must wait until next time to try to change Obama’s reading habits again by tossing magazines [...]
Mexican-Hating Lou Dobbs Employs Illegal Mexicans
Orange-headed Space.com founder and fired cable-news host Lou Dobbs was known for one thing during his long last years of anchoring a CNN show even dumber than Rick’s List: Lou Dobbs HATED the Mexicans. Oh man they drove him NUTS! And once CNN management decided Lou Dobbs was too awful even for CNN, Lou Dobbs [...]
Idaho Republicans Hate Word ‘Fiesta’ For Reason You May Suspect
Some depressing county fair in Idaho decided its theme this year would be “Fiesta at the Fair,” as that seems exotic and fun (depressing). So of course the county GOP decided that this was an evil Messican idea. “Bonner County fair board Chairman Tim Cary said the fair was just looking for a theme that’s [...]
Rand Paul Wants To Build $1-Billion Electric Underground Fence To Keep Out Mexican Gophers
Senate candidate Rand Paul has a lot of new, interesting ideas. On the immigration issue, your average Republican would just mumble something about building a fence at the Mexican border. Not Rand Paul! Paul has come up with his own fence idea. Instead of building one above ground, it will be underground, where the Mexicans [...]
Trying To Decipher Meg Whitman’s Messican Advertisement
WHAT? Speak American! Meg Whitman has decided to court the Messicans in her race for California governor, and here is her first ad. It airs today during a soccer match, so apparently she’s trying to get the gay vote too. What is being said? WE DON’T KNOW, WE’RE AMERICAN. So here’s an attempt to figure [...]
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