These people …. Here’s the executive summary of the White House plan for Iraq:

The Consequences Of Failure In Iraq Could Not Be Graver — The War On Terror Cannot Be Won If We Fail In Iraq. Our enemies throughout the Middle East are trying to defeat us in Iraq. If we step back now, the problems in Iraq will become more lethal, and make our troops fight an uglier battle than we are seeing today.

First, how wonderful that the White House is announcing a plan tonight for a war they started four years ago.

Second, we’ve got the whole stupid White House document, after the jump. Come on in, glance over the thing until your eyes get heavy — it takes about two minutes — and then go to dinner and don’t bother watching the speech, because it’s all here except for the nervous rat eyes, comical mispronunciations and telling malaprops.

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The Navy’s crazed researchers can only perform “severe or unusual intrusions” on human brains and bodies with approval of the undersecretary of the Navy, according to a new Pentagon memo — and that covers the usual “consciousness-altering drugs or mind-control techniques,” too. MORE »

Wonkette operative reports: DNC karaoke in full effect, Howard Dean apparently not paying his bills: MORE »

No one ever won a war with a bad attitude, guys.

The U.S. Embassy in Iraq, demonstrating an admirable unwillingness to aide in the President’s PR blitz, sent a memo to Condoleezza Rice last week on the day of Bush’s surprise Baghdad trip detailing just how much fun everyone’s having in the Green Zone these days. It raises the question: Why doesn’t the U.S. Embassy ever tell the State Department the good news from Iraq? (Will we ever get tired of that line?)

Our exclusive hungover and cranky analysis, after the jump.

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Still no sign of the Xylophone. (Photo by, you guessed it, Liz Gorman)

Typ-i-cal. As soon as The Atlantic moves to Washington, suddenly no one there knows how to dress. So here comes management with a friendly list of guidelines.

Per the New York Observer’s Gabe Sherman:

“Our policy is intentionally vague and does not specifically exclude certain articles of clothing or types of shoes,” Susan Lavigne, Atlantic director of benefits and compensation wrote. Lavigne then went on to specifically exclude certain articles of clothing and types of shoes: “Flip-flops, crop tops, tank tops, spaghetti-strap tops, and shorts (to name a few) are not appropriate.”

Full memo after the jump.

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* Rep. Cynthia McKinney hits a Capitol Police officer with her cell phone. We’ve been all over this one — our coverage is collected here (scroll down). MORE »

Oh, Media Matters. This was almost too much even for relentless sadists like us: MORE »

What, you think working for a free paper is all loosey-goosey anything goes hippie bullshit? It’s a business, dammit, you’ll treat it as such! Here, for your perusal, are samples from the dress code at the DC Examiner (instututed, no doubt, after Vivienne Sosnowski showed up in torn denim mini-skit and studded collar) — we note that it doesn’t appear to have been written (or read) by a copy-editor.

From the “Appropriate” column:

* Dresses (length cannot be more than three inches above the knee). ["more than"?]
* Pants in business suitable fabrics. [Satin, leather, vinyl, etc.]

And the more fun “Inappropriate” column:

* Any type of denim (including jean dresses, denim shirts, denim pants, denim skirts, etc.).
* Any material resembling denim.
* Khaki or Docker- style pants. [Harsh, but fair -- we have a similar rule against tucking your t-shirt into your jeans]
* Stirrup pants and leggings. [That, along with their anti-sweatband and big sunglasses provision, explains their disappointing lack of hipster coverage]
* Camouflage clothing [Despite this, they still manage to poach Wash Times staffers]
* Clothing is not to be overly tight nor draw undue attention to ones self.

Full memo after the jump.

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(Well, so far, anyway.) MORE »

The good people are Media Matter for America: hard at work fighting conservative bias, still pissing off the janitorial staff: MORE »