While you hamburger sacks may conceive of Memorial Day as little more than a free 24-hour session of experimental masturbation R&D, it is actually a “memorial” to those Americans, throughout our History, who have laid down their lives in the service of the King. Your Wonkette would like to thank and honor The Troops past and present, in Mexico and Afghanistan, in Vietnam and Cambodia VIETNAM. Because as notable American word-writer Peggington Noonington opines today, the U.S. hasn’t celebrated any brave war heroes since the strife of the Sixties. (She offers no mention of two of the most popular Americans in America right now, Colin Powell and David Petraeus; perhaps she had imbibed too much Alckoholl.) Let us quote her words and hope that one day, George Washington shall be worthy to our hobbits anew. MORE »

The first thing wrong with this video is it shows a mixed-race couple, which must still be illegal somewhere in the “Real America,” maybe Alabama or Texas? But the rest teaches our children a valuable lesson about why they can’t have nice things: Because that’s socialist! So if you want to go to the beach, try the “American way” and earn millions of dollars, and buy some beachfront property, and shoot any mixed-race couples you catch trying to use your beach, the end. [YouTube via Wonkette tipster Curt]

Wednesday, May 20: There’s no shame if the only charitable contribution you ever make to the District of Columbia is via eating at fundraisers. If a full stomach is your way of saying, “Thanks DC for heightening my chance of getting AIDS and for granting me the opportunity to almost be murdered on multiple occasions,” we highly recommend heading to the Verizon Center today for “Taste of Eleven,” a fundraiser put on by Wizards Care that raises money for the Capital Area Food Bank. MORE »

* Standing up for what you believe is difficult and MS Paint doesn’t make it any easier. [Recovering Overachiever]
* No matter how many bullet points are used, we still don’t really care how you spent your Memorial Day. [Average Jane]
* It’s finally starting to dawn on some other people that Say Anything is a shitty movie and Cameron Crowe is a shitty filmmaker. [Bathroom Reading]
* Nothing like a missed connection to make you sad as fuck on a beautiful day. [Craigslist]

How did you honor our fallen heroes this solemn Memorial Day? Remember: Freedom ain’t free, but Biggie-sizing that Frosty will cost merely an additional thirty-two cents. MORE »

* “Zis is peanuts, yah?” [Sour 'N Sweet]
* “I’ve already consumed a number of pills of some sort and waited patiently for someone to make me some coffee, but it appears that too many of my coworkers are off doing less important things [Manifest Destiny]
* “Props to the cop at 21st and M” [DC Sidewalk Blog]
* “Yes, the only individual in this car — a 50-something suit — was a man with whom, up until the moment he pulled up and motioned me over to his passenger window, I was not at all acquainted.” [A Serious Job Is No Excuse]
* “It’s pretty obvious that his lines were written by the same stoned dudes who wrote the script for Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. And I’ll note, dorkingly, that Malibu probably wouldn’t come out from a day of ‘cosmic rays’ with the deep beach tan he’s prominently displaying to all the girls in the audience with hot pink tank tops and cut-off jean shorts.” [End The Cola Wars!]
* “Thank God It’s A Fucking Three Day Weekend” [Yeah, So I'm...]

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It all starts out so tranquil and well-intentioned.

You’re used to seeing them riding around with your SEC filings and PAC checks in their bags. But couriers ride for fun, too.

And they party like it’s their job. Sunday’s Perverts Invitational open street race was a prelude to late night debauchery at Chief Ike’s that was gratuitous even for Adams Morgan.

Check out the fun photographs — including pics of sweaty, shirtless men — after the jump.

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• Bush marks Memorial Day with vow to finish the wars to honor those who lost their lives: “I am in awe of the men and women who sacrifice for the freedom of the United States of America.” [NYT, WT]
• “Missing pieces” about Sen. Hillary Clinton: “What does she stand for? And where would she try to take the country if elected?” She says her philosophy “doesn’t perhaps fit in a preexisting box, but many of the problems we face as a nation don’t either.” [WP]
• Sen. Reid (D-Nev.) accepted free ringside boxing tickets from the Nevada Athletic Commission “as he was pressing legislation to increase government oversight of the sport.” Reid: “I’m not Goodie Two Shoes. I just feel these events are nothing I did wrong.” [WP]
• Both sides motivated by prospects for “Speaker Pelosi.” Republican strategist: “She ought to be a big component of the fall campaign. There are some Democrats who make really good bad guys.” [NYT]
• Trial of David Safavian will increase attention on Rep. Bob Ney (R-Ohio) because of the testimony of his former chief of staff. [NYT]
• Security concerns linger for electronic voting machines. [WP]

A perfectly good roof deck, wasted. Where are the sunbathers and barbecue grills?

Memorial Day, originally known as Decoration Day, is a time for us to remember the brave men and women who have died in military service to our country.

It’s also a federal holiday, as well as the unofficial start of summer. In addition to visiting cemeteries and memorials, many people observe this holiday by gorging on hot dogs and getting really drunk (preferably poolside).

For those of you unlucky enough to be in front of your computers today, here are a few photos of the glorious weather and rooftop recreation that you’re missing out on. Check them out, after the jump.

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Citizens! The time for bread and circuses is here — processed meat and beer for all!

Ah, the lazy Memorial Day weekend baseball outing — what a classical American tradition!

You don’t need us to cover the actual game action. But here are some pretty pictures from yesterday’s Nats game.

Check them out — courtesy of Nats fan Intern Nick — after the jump.

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