[HEY KEN why do you HATE ME? -- A Colleague] [Because I wrote my version 12 hours ago and you should have maybe seen it scheduled to post since last night? -- A Supervisor] Guess who jumped on the “Facebook status-update health-care thing” pretty quick? That’s right, Barack Obama is thrilled to see that educated money-having Facebook internet people are putting the do-gooder thing on their Facebooks. [Thanks to "Noam L." for the tip!]

Are there many things less funny than hot new memes rife with LOLcat spin-offs? Well, this one, “Pete Hoekstra is a Meme” — based on this tragic war tale — is pretty funny, and should be for the next seven hours or so. Anyway, some of you have asked for an Iran open thread, about (the start of) the Khamenei crackdown, so consider this it. Hopefully everyone in Iran and on Twitter stays safe. Fuck bad people.

Few e-mails — especially press releases! — have ever been so deserving of a Gmail Star. Oh, GAHH, this was for “Immediate Release” and we’re 11 hours late! Sorry! Onward. MORE »

John McCain made a vice presidential choice, but no one knows her? Time to establish a complete waste-of-time TWITTER MEME in which one may use other INTERNET MEME JOKES to describe her. This is the most important Internet development since TUMBLR. Oh who are we kidding. We’re still getting over the lack of Mittens on this ticket, and it’ll take some time. [Twitter]

Corrupt Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens, the old hack whose limited understanding of the Internet as a “series of tubes” launched a soul-crushing meme, has redesigned his Internet web site! And he’s sent out a release about the changes that we found funny, but probably only because, you know, he’s Ted Stevens and he’s writing about the Internet again. For example: “Online communities - We now have a presence on YouTube, Flickr (photo sharing site), and MySpace in addition to the Facebook page we have had. You can become a friend or subscriber to these pages and this will allow you to stay in touch with the campaign in a whole new way. Links to all of these sites are located on the front page of the website.” OK, you tell us Flickr is for photo sharing, but what in the hell are YouTube, MySpace and the Facebook?? [Ted Stevens]

Need a new Internet Slogan now that all your other old, worn-out slogans were used up by Weezer or immigrants? Here is one for you, only a day old and still pretty much used up like Krusty’s porn: I am aware of all Internet Traditions. What the hell? We will tell you, and you’ll feel dumber for it. MORE »

Finally, people are mocking that “Yes, We Can” internet sensation video, a.k.a. the most compelling reason thus far not to vote for Barack Obama. After the jump, two somewhat funny parodies involving John “WALNUTS!” McCain. See, if they’re parodies, they also support Barack Obama, but in a less grating way than “Yes, We Can” does! This parody concept is brilliant. MORE »