mel martinez

Americans are POOR AND BROKE, YA HEARD? Those who still haven’t hocked their eyes tend to look to newspapers for two purposes: for warmth, obviously, as they sleep on park benches in the frigid September night, but also for inspiration, for the knowledge that even if they’re doomed, there are Americans out there who are […]

Everybody knew Senator Mel Martinez, the Florida guy who took advantage of what’s known as “the Cuban Exemption” in order to become both a Republican and a Hispanic at the same time, would not run for re-election in 2010. But who knew he’d be resigning his seat a year early?

Among the Bushes, Jeb is known as “the smart one with the Mexican wife and the hot son and the pillhead daughter.” He had dibs on the presidency, but then George stepped in first, and now Jeb Bush is just the former governor of a state full of alligators and Truck Nutz addicts. But now […]

Forgotten Florida Republican Senator Mel Martinez announced his retirement today, two years early, and nobody really cares. Martinez is a Cuban alien who somehow got to Florida and became mayor of some town, in Florida, so George Bush Junior made him the HUD secretary, so Martinez caused the housing collapse probably, and then he ran […]

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