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Tag: mel martinez

Desperately Poor GOP Lobbyists Finally Finding Work Again

Americans are POOR AND BROKE, YA HEARD? Those who still haven't hocked their eyes tend to look to newspapers for two purposes: for warmth, obviously, as they sleep on park benches in the frigid September night, but also...

Senator Mel Martinez Quits Early

Everybody knew Senator Mel Martinez, the Florida guy who took advantage of what's known as "the Cuban Exemption" in order to become both a Republican and a Hispanic at the same time, would not run for re-election in...

Jeb Will Carry Bush Family Curse Into Senate

Among the Bushes, Jeb is known as "the smart one with the Mexican wife and the hot son and the pillhead daughter." He had dibs on the presidency, but then George stepped in first, and now Jeb Bush is...

Mel Martinez Latest Republican To Give Up

Forgotten Florida Republican Senator Mel Martinez announced his retirement today, two years early, and nobody really cares. Martinez is a Cuban alien who somehow got to Florida and became mayor of some town, in Florida, so George Bush Junior...

Gossip Roundup: Hot Wax

God Still Hates Katherine Harris

Gossip Roundup: Movers and Shakers