What the headline said! We’ll give the Corner credit for the unrolling of this special feature — it’s posted #25 - #13 only as of this minute — which makes us wait patiently for the full list UNLESS we purchase a National Review subscription. In other words, they managed to make us consider seriously subscribing to the National Review for a full three seconds. Such teases! Well, whatever, let’s discuss the first half of this historic list. MORE »

Here’s a priceless video from Hutton Gibson, the conspiracy theory-obsessed, Holocaust-denying father of similarly insane Mel Gibson, endorsing who else but Ron Paul. The video opens and closes with stark images of the Holy Cross in the middle of a thunderstorm. Then Gibson, 84, and a “Jeopardy Champion” (go Josh!), says that “the only way we can save the country is to vote for Ron Paul. [3-second pause]. In 2008.” [YouTube]

Mayan wizards are furious about Bush’s upcoming visit to the ancient Guatemalan city of Iximche, so they’re going to “spiritually cleanse” the pre-Columbian temples and palaces after Stinkoman leaves. Why so angry? Because they’re a bunch of libtard hippies, that’s why!

“That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture,” Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

We don’t want to make a habit of defending our crappy president, but the dude has hardly persecuted the migrant brothers. Dude is basically merging Mexico with the United States, and the Bush Family is actually becoming Latino so they can rule the New Demographic, too. MORE »

This very special edition of Cartoon Violence is brought to you by Today’s Cartoons and Snakes on a Plane FEVER, which has infected our resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon — along with, uh, The Descent fever, Floyd Landis fever, and drunk anti-semitism fever. Tragically, the Gawker Contributor health plan does not cover conditions caused by pointless action movie references (nor, we shoud clarify, any other conditions).

After the jump, cartoons tackle pop culture, wrestle it to the ground, and drain it of joy.

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The Comics Curmudgeon has been guest blogging as one half of your Wonkette team all week, but he’s still been paying attention to Today’s Cartoons. He’s also a bit concerned about this whole airplane terrorism situation, mostly because his mother is flying into town tonight and he had to spend some time on the phone convincing her that al Qaeda had not declared a jihad against Southwest’s low low prices. He analyzes the cartoons of the moment, and stops talking about himself in the third person, after the jump.

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• Tonight Mike Wallace interviews Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Let’s go behind the scenes: “He’s actually, in a strange way, he’s a rather attractive man, very smart, savvy, self-assured, good looking in a strange way,” Wallace said, “He’s very, very short but he’s comfortable in his own skin.” [Powerline]
• Raul Castro still hasn’t been seen in public. [Babalu Blog]
• Cuter “conversation avoidance devices” please. [HP]
• If you still have energy for Mel Gibson, his problem is “a life not surrendered to Jesus Christ.” [Slice of Laodicea]
• Muslims hate airplanes, us. [Scrappleface]

The heat and Today’s Cartoons have, quite possibly, driven our poor little cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon right over the edge. He’s starving them and making them fight — the upside is, whoever loses, we win!

After the jump — Joementum, Iraq, anti-semitic action stars, and the unbearable heat.

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• Alec Baldwin handsome, clever, good blogger: “Mel Gibson…the Opus Dei buzz-kill.” [HuffPo]
• Rush Limbaugh and Osama bin Laden in agreement that because we “directly install” our government, we are responsible for the “crimes the American government has committed.” [The Angry Fag]
• Brooklyn Public Library not stocking “potentially incendiary” books like Londonistan. [Powerline]
• Backers of Rick Santorum donated nearly $60,000 to Green Party candidate Carl J. Romanelli. [Hotline On Call]
• FOX News pays $225,000 to settle a sex discrimination suit. [Feministing]
• Seems as good a time as any to remember what Bill O’Reilly allegedly said to Andrea Mackris.
  

  You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back… rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water… and um… you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm — it’s one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it… and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard… ‘cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

  So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind… and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.

Bush just broke into the last press briefing in the Brady room — used the “we felt your pain” line. He’s got nothing prepared, and can’t name the former Press Secretaries he’s surrounded by. He looked uncomfortable. Now, jokes. MORE »

Still wishing to perform its civic duty and help ensure that the world never forgets what went on in those dark days, ABC is looking to a production team headed by Pat Buchanan and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad to complete the series. MORE »

The Billings Gazette reports that Senator Conrad Burns’ reasoned, calm criticism of America’s Favoritest Heroes Evah (aka “firefighters”) was, in fact, a little more strongly worded (and blasphemous) than the official report indicated: MORE »