Tag Archives: “meh

  bowties in the news

Openly Partisan Organization Run By Loudmouth Kook Notes Other Openly Partisan Organization Run By Loudmouth Kook

Tucker Carlson’s right-wing whack-job blog has discovered there’s another openly partisan website, but this one is liberal! We will go ahead and not worry about reading the hard-hitting investigation in The Daily Caller that reveals Media Matters of America is just what it claims to be, an anti-wingnut collection of outrages from Fox News and its ilk. Instead, we will laugh at The Awl’s description, and then maybe go get a cup of coffee: Read more on Openly Partisan Organization Run By Loudmouth Kook Notes Other Openly Partisan Organization Run By Loudmouth Kook…
  stfu sotu

States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux

Oh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil extraction to ruin the Earth for a thousand generations, etc. Yay? Why not just, uh, stop having a civilization based on the burning of fossil fuels? Well, that will happen soon enough! ALSO: What is with the Pac-Man Jobs Program? Read more on States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux…
 

Parody Wingnut Radio Host Offers $1 Million If Newt Drops Out

We have, let’s see, zero interest in the dull antics of the AM talk radio hosts. But now and then, one of their desperate stunts percolates through the layers of illiteracy and finally appears over here on the “reading medium,” the Internet blogs. So, here you go: Parody wingnut radio host Michael “Savage” Weiner has apparently offered Newt Gingrich a million dollars, and all the money-grubbing amoral piglet needs to do is drop out of the 2012 GOP race to claim this precious money. Read more on Parody Wingnut Radio Host Offers $1 Million If Newt Drops Out…
  war all the time

Obama Starting New War In … Uganda! Sure, Uganda Sounds Good

Is the War of Libya over? Who knows. How about the War In Iraq? Kind of dull these days, we guess. War against Afghanistan? Very expensive and busy, as always, but it’s mostly boring Robot Raptors laser-blasting poor families in mud huts. And then we (ha ha, “we”) have soldiers and troops and special forces and androids in another 117 countries around the world. A hundred and seventeen! Who knew we even had so many countries! But that’s the Obama Administration for you! (The Bush Administration had military forces in 75 countries. So, Obama is better, we guess, at having American military operatives destabilizing the world, constantly.) Anyway, it’s time for a war in a different kind of place. So much desert, right? Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan, Somalia, Yemen …. just one arid-ass place after another. You always need to have like two chapsticks. How about a jungle, for a change? That’s different! Great, then Uganda it is. Send the “military advisers,” haw haw. Read more on Obama Starting New War In … Uganda! Sure, Uganda Sounds Good…
  asleep at the wheel

Obama Making Some Statement About Japan Today, A Week Later

Remember when Barack Obama couldn’t go two hours without a press conference or a speech or an appearance somewhere? Now he just hides in his bunker doing NCAA brackets and sexting the Republicans in Congress, but he will supposedly pop his head of the hole and see his nuclear shadow any second now (he’s 15 minutes late already), and maybe he’ll say he’s “monitoring the situation” and that nobody should worry and just go shopping or whatever. Barack Obama, everybody! Read more on Obama Making Some Statement About Japan Today, A Week Later…
  my name is laika

Obama Wants To Send Stray Dogs Into Space, To Die

About two-hundred years ago, our enemies The Rooskies put an alive dog in a space capsule and shot it into orbit, for laughs. Russians have a very dark sense of humor. But Americans — especially the kind of Americans who run things, in Washington — do not have any sense of humor at all. Instead of coming up with something even more ridiculous, like putting a cat in a submarine or setting Elvis Presley on fire, the Americans freaked out and said “Good Gravy we have got to also send some unwanted little creatures into space,” so they captured John Glenn and next thing you know Tom Wolfe was selling the movie rights to The Right Stuff and half a century later it’s almost impossible to remember that by the 21st Century we would most definitely have human space colonies all over the Solar System and mod orbital sex resorts. Anyway, Obama says today is our “Sputnik Moment,” even though that was pretty clearly 53 years ago. It’s like Obama doesn’t even know how to use Wikipedia, probably because he’s afraid it will leak all over the place. Read more on Obama Wants To Send Stray Dogs Into Space, To Die…
  scam confirmations

Liveblogging the Elena Kagan Confirmation Hearings

Are we really going to do this? Elena Kagan just walked in, hugged and kissed some ladies (?!) and some men (?!) and now Patrick Leahy is introducing everybody and explaining what’s happening. What is happening? Well, Senator Byrd died! Everybody’s so sad. Everybody’s so sad that it’s going to be impossible to really pay attention to this bullshit confirmation process. Read more on Liveblogging the Elena Kagan Confirmation Hearings…
  watergate x 1 billion

Legal, Normal Political Dealing With Sestak Made Sleazy By Bill Clinton’s Involvement

Ha ha, how’d that “White House investigation” go, Barack? Pretty good, we bet: “It has been suggested that the Administration may have offered Congressman Sestak the position of Secretary of the Navy in the hope that he would accept the offer and abandon a Senate candidacy. This is false.” Hooray! But what about the other thing, the part everybody’s actually jabbering about? “The White House Chief of Staff enlisted the support of former President Clinton who agreed to raise with Congressman Sestak options of service on a Presidential or other Senior Executive Branch Advisory Board. Congressman Sestak declined the suggested alternatives, remaining committed to his Senate candidacy.” Who is reporting this made-up sleaze? Oh, the White House counsel? Okay. Read more on Legal, Normal Political Dealing With Sestak Made Sleazy By Bill Clinton’s Involvement…
  midnight massacre

BLANCHE LINCOLN MUST SUFFER HUMILIATING RUNOFF: With 43% of the precincts reporting, it seems Senator Blanche Lincoln will continue having difficulty voting, as she will have to do a run-off against Lieutenant Governor Bill Halter, because right now it’s Lincoln 44%-Halter 42%. But she is expected to win the runoff, and maybe win her seat back. This is bad for _________. [Reuters] Read more on …
  payback

Obama Will Only Ruin the Coasts of Red States

So is there any correlation between today’s presidential announcement about drilling, baby, drilling for oil off these specific sections of America’s Coastlines? Ha ha, well yes, there is. States that voted for John McCain get to enjoy oil spills and coastal devastation. Not that they’re the kind of people who own swimwear or go to beaches or swim or whatever. But what about Virginia? It went Red for Bob McDonnell last November, and McDonnell loves him some oil drillin’! Enjoy that, Virginia! Read more on Obama Will Only Ruin the Coasts of Red States…
  do overs

ARGH: “The U.S. House of Representatives will have to vote again on changes to a landmark overhaul of the country’s health system after the Senate’s parliamentarian rejected two provisions in the measure. Senate Budget Committee Chairman Kent Conrad, a North Dakota Democrat, said the changes are minor and related to education, not health care. Still, any alteration requires the bill to be adopted again by the House before it can be sent to President Barack Obama to sign into law.” [Bloomberg] Read more on …
  202-559-4225

Here, Call Your Congress Idiots and Politely Yell At Them

Did Barack Obama sext you today? Us too! If you deleted it already, this is what it says: Call the 202-559-4225 number and you will be connected to the Congressional Switchboard (Eric Massa masturbating) and tell them your district or where you live or whatever, and they will connect you, and you tell the staffer or intern that you support the Health Care and please just get this over with so we can think about something else, like a naked, farting Eric Massa sitting on your face, forever. (This is what fascism looks like, according to George “Andrew Sullivan” Orwell.) Read more on Here, Call Your Congress Idiots and Politely Yell At Them…
  democracy is coming to the usa

Most Americans Hate Government, Democracy Itself

Important cable teevee station CNN has commissioned two (2) polls of the Americans, and the results are bad for the Tea Baggers’ beloved “U.S. Constitution” and “Democracy,” so it’s a good thing those people don’t actually like either of those things, when it leads to a common slave becoming the so-called “People’s President” who puts his feet on the desk. And yet … does anyone really love “democracy” anymore? Read more on Most Americans Hate Government, Democracy Itself…
  they get free bagels too

SCANDAL: TeeVee Cable News ‘Guests’ Actually Evil Shills From Various War/Death Corporations!

Did you know that the various “experts” and “guests” and “pundits” on the cable-news shows are almost all corporate shills and lobbyists for various death conglomerates? This is true, and actually kind of obvious to many skilled media observers — just these two guys, really — but The Nation would still like you to know the excruciating details. So how about, say, 45,000 words on the subject? YES WE CAN. Read more on SCANDAL: TeeVee Cable News ‘Guests’ Actually Evil Shills From Various War/Death Corporations!…
  our generation's watergate

NYT Drops Second Paterson Bombshell: Governor Is A Bit Of A Slacker

As if the amazing revelations that New York Governor David Paterson has a pal who sucks weren’t enough, now the New York Times has an even sexier sex-related scandal to report! It seems that when it comes to actual governing, Paterson is kind of “meh” and would prefer to hang out in the Hamptons with his rich patrons. Salacious! Read more on NYT Drops Second Paterson Bombshell: Governor Is A Bit Of A Slacker…
  america's governor

Oh Did You Yawn and Miss the New York Times’ SCANDAL SHOCKER About David Paterson?

For weeks now, several hundred people who follow New York state politics have been very excited about a possible BOMBSHELL related to David Paterson, the wacky blind governor who used to do so much blow and bang all these gals at an uptown motel. Paterson only ended up as governor by mistake — Eliot Spitzer’s mistake of loving hookers more than life itself — and nobody really gives a damn about him. Even his racial ally Barack Obama was all, “I really would rather you not run for governor, Democrats kind of have enough trouble.” So the NYT was going to Finish the Job and run this incredible sexytime story about, uh, nobody knows, maybe Paterson doing even more blow, and more girlfriends? But it’s the New York Times, America’s most timid newspaper when it comes to anything beyond DESTROYING SOVEREIGN NATIONS, as long as Washington neo-cons are pulling the trigger, so the Paterson story is an Utter Fail. Read more on Oh Did You Yawn and Miss the New York Times’ SCANDAL SHOCKER About David Paterson?…
  liberal blog news

Ned Lamont Will Lose Connecticut Gov Race Next

Liberal warblog celebrity Ned Lamont was last in the news back in 2008, when he sat down for a lengthy interview (“Hey are you Ned Lamont?”) with Wonkette’s Jim Newell aboard a shuttle bus in Denver, can’t remember the occasion. And before that, Lamont was a pin-up for the Daily Kos webzine, and then poor Ned proved he could not even beat Joe Lieberman, the world’s most hated sack of medical waste. So what will Ned do now, many years after people quit asking? Read more on Ned Lamont Will Lose Connecticut Gov Race Next…
  revolution lite

Revolution of Jan. 23, 2010, Will Suck Just Like Everything Else, So Far, in the 2000s

People get ready, there is a Revolution a-comin’, on January 23, brothers and sisters of the Socialist Brotherhood (and Sisterhood, we guess?), get up, smash up your seats, shit is gonna get real Red, oh yeah, oh people get ready, the USAjobs.gov classified-ads system is probably going to have some minor improvements, maybe like that “Monster.com” from 2003 or whatever, rock steady, smash the system (ha ha because you’re not getting a government job, either), and do dig the incredibly lame Casio/MIDI ripoff of Kashmir, because why not, that’s the soundtrack to USAjobs.gov. Read more on Revolution of Jan. 23, 2010, Will Suck Just Like Everything Else, So Far, in the 2000s…
  this bird should be tried by the military!

Awkward Video Moments Preserved Forever: Barack Obama Pardons a Turkey

In the days before YouTube, our computers were pretty safe from stuff like this. But, as slaves to audio-visual technology, we must now be exposed to moments best captured by a single photograph — as in turkey pardons of past presidencies — and then quickly forgotten. Here, President Obama again shows his cruel elitism, as he “jokes” about wishing he was doing something other than “pardoning a turkey and sending it to Disneyland.” Maureen Dowd is going to lose her shit. But what about the YouTube commenters? Read more on Awkward Video Moments Preserved Forever: Barack Obama Pardons a Turkey…
  so it's too late to bomb dc?

SOUNDS LIKE A WONKETTE STAFF MEETING: “The fierce Latina who grew up in a trailer park, the annoying little brother who will hook up with anyone, the inner-city orphan with enough machismo to own this city, the country girl who lived in a barn, the high school sweetheart who discovered he was bisexual, the rebel from a Christian cult and the wannabe rocker ….” But, ha ha, we don’t even have staff meetings. Meet the idiots from MTV’s Real World in DC. [Examiner] Read more on …