Tag Archives: megyn kelly

  65% of new jersey voters can't be wrong

New Jersey Loves Chris Christie Too Much To Share Him With America

America needs him.
According to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, there is just not enough of him to go around, and New Jersey residents would be very upset and jealous if he betrayed them by running for president of U.S. America. In an interview with Fox News lady Megyn Kelly, Christie said that the little fact that 65 percent of New Jersey voters think he would be a bad president is of absolutely no consequence. Because, you see, New Jersey voters are just lying, because they would be far too upset if he left them to be the governor of all the Americas: Read more on New Jersey Loves Chris Christie Too Much To Share Him With America…
  well why does he?

Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?

Jeb frowns at the troops.
Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president. Monday: MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]? Read more on Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?…
  Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays

Maybe we can blame gay marriage.
Here’s a moment that’s more than a little iconic of what’s gone wrong with politics in your 2015 America: Within a few hours of the Amtrak crash in Philadelphia, House Republicans voted to cut Amtrak’s budget by about 20 percent. While they were at it, they rejected a Democratic attempt to increase funds to put in place a safety system that almost certainly would have prevented the crash. Read more on Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays…
  this is why he'll be a great president

Jeb Bush Appalled Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Answer Questions As Good As He Does

Jeb Buh points to the part of his brain where he processes the questions.
Ooh, it’s time for some fighting words! Jeb Bush is willing to face all the tough questions, and Hillary Clinton is not, according to Jeb Bush. He has nothing to say about what actually happens when he tries to answer those questions, let’s just forget about all that, because at least he’s trying, therefore he gives himself an A for effort: Read more on Jeb Bush Appalled Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Answer Questions As Good As He Does…
  Now we know

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother

Yes, he's that dumb
Jeb Bush has dreamed of being president since, oh, the last century. His dumb big brother got to skip ahead of him (UNFAIR, Dad), but now it is finally Jeb’s turn. So given his decades of dreaming and scheming and preparationing, you’d think he would know how to answer the most obvious question he will be asked during his not-yet-official campaign: Are you a fucking idiot just like your brother? Read more on Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother…
  never gonna be as smart as his brother

Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq

He's got a certain face when he's tryin' to figure stuff, just like his brother.
Jeb Bush sat down for a Fox News interview with Megyn Kelly that aired Monday, to talk about how much he wants to do presidenting, because his big brother (George W. Bush) got to do it and his dad got to do it, and he wants to be just like them. Kelly asked a completely straightforward very misleading question about the Iraq War his bro instigated: “Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion?” Either the baby Bush didn’t hear FULLY HALF OF THE VERY SIMPLE QUESTION, or he is a real big stupidhead, because this was his answer: Read more on Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Counterpoint

Rand Paul: Sexist Women Won’t Stop Sexisming Me!

I got this one, DAD
Look, Rand Paul already explained to us idiots that he is NOT sexist just because he has a habit of being a jerk to lady reporters. He is a jerk to ALL reporters, so there! But he has thought about it some — after Fox News lady Megyn Kelly told him a couple weeks ago, in her opinion “as a female reporter,” that it is sexist to say Rand Paul is sexist — and you know what? He has decided, all on his own (shut up, he is NOT also a plagiarist too), that it’s pretty sexist to say that, and YOU YES YOU are the real sexists! Read more on Rand Paul: Sexist Women Won’t Stop Sexisming Me!…
  rand paul f*ck-up watch

If Rand Paul F*cks Up One More Day This Week, He Wins A New Car!

He'll fuck up waving at some point, just watch.
Senator Dr. Rand Paul has fucked up in so many ways since kicking off his presidential campaign on Tuesday that we are probably going to be able to write a daily “How Is Rand Paul Fucking Up Today?” feature for this here Wonkette for the next year. We’re really looking forward to documenting all the ways Paul will fuck up between now and the day next February when he suspends his campaign after finishing ninth in Iowa behind Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Zombie Orval Faubus, and a placemat from a Council Bluffs Denny’s. Read more on If Rand Paul F*cks Up One More Day This Week, He Wins A New Car!…
  A victory for feminism!

Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick

He is genitals blind and will yell at ANYONE
Rand Paul has had a rough couple of days since he announced that he will be the next, LOL, president of these United States. He spent Day One being mocked ruthlessly on the intertubes for the disaster that is his campaign website, filled with misspelled words like “eductation,” ridiculous swag (hoodies and skull caps, Senator? Really?), and a page of “endorsements” from German stock photos. Read more on Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick…
  Fox Hix Nix Vax Fax

Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion

The stupid is growing
Now that at least a part of the Wingnut Wing of the Republican Party has decided there’s a debate about basic medical facts, like whether vaccines or even hand-washing should be mandatory, it stands to reason that Fox News wants in on the fun as well. Read more on Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion…
  fuckabee

Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!

Sometimes Megyn Kelly does a thing where we don’t hate her, and then we write “Megyn Kelly did a thing and we didn’t hate her” and the commenters go URGGGH UGHHHH WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE VENGEANCIER WE HATE YOU FOR NOT HATING HER REEDUCATION CAMPS FOR MEGYN KELLY AND ALSO FOR YOUUUUU! So boring you guys. Why not appreciate when terrible people are unterrible for a second? Why not give them gentle back-pats, and then they might like their gentle back-pats, and try to get more of them, by not being Megyn Kelly once in a while? Read more on Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!…
  strange fruit

Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow

Huh, he looks all right to us
Yes, Ferguson cop Darren Wilson killed an unarmed black teenager, to death, but in addition to getting a “Nah, man, it’s cool, we get it” from the local grand jury, he likely won’t have charges filed against him by the Department of Justice, either. Ergo, as Fox News has been spewing at us since the non-charges news was first leaked, it is an obvious simple fact that the DOJ never had any legitimate reason to investigate the Ferguson Police Department or Darren Wilson in the first place. It was all a scheme, man, nefariously plotted by Attorney General Eric Holder and Co-Attorney General Al Sharpton and Thinks He’s So President Obama, to start some riots an do some reverse racism. Read more on Fox News Takes Insane Acid Trip About Eric Holder Lynching Darren Wilson In Yemen, It Is Just Wow…
  Dispatches from the community confinement center

Felon Dinesh D’Souza Has Met African-Americans, And You, Obama, Are No African-American

Don't look at me, I'm just a fish lips, I'm not responsible for the dumb things I say
When pitiful, pouty, put-upon felon Dinesh D’Souza last embarrassed himself (that we know of), it was Monday, and he was delusionally ‘splaining that there was AN INTERESTING PARALLEL between his life and that of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. You see, King was the target of J. Edgar Hoover, and in D’Souza’s D’Imagination, he is being targeted by Barack Obama, for the crime of making a hilariously dumb movie that nobody paid attention to and that had absolutely no effect on Barack Obama or his presidency. Oh, and also Obama is targeting D’Souza for that other ACTUAL crime he committed, that of funneling illegal campaign contributions to a losing loser candidate. For his funneling, he got himself landed in a really cushy version of the pokey, and the judge did not enhance his sentence for the fact that his crime was also a really dumb losing game to begin with. I’d say Obama’s been PRETTY lenient. Read more on Felon Dinesh D’Souza Has Met African-Americans, And You, Obama, Are No African-American…
  Are You Afraid Enough? Please Be More Afraid

America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks

Nous ne sommes pas étonnés
So it looks like the search for the murderers of 12 people at the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo has come to its bloody end, with all the terrorists dead and four hostages killed in an attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris. As usual in these situations (and can we all just pause for a moment and be horrified that we know what’s “usual” in a terrorist attack?), a lot of the details are still not yet certain. But while we’re still learning the details, it’s definitely not too soon to move to the vital important next phase: explaining how the events in Paris fit into American culture-war politics, especially the all-important question of What To Do About All The Muslims. Read more on America Turns To Wingnuts For Comfort, Wisdom On Paris Attacks…
  Impeachment Fever: Catch It!

Your Morning Maddow: Oh Look, It’s Impeachment O’Clock In America! (Video)

Rachel Maddow knows the historical trends — every president since Eisenhower has faced an opposite-party Congress following midterm elections in the second term. It’s not a guarantee of today’s results, but them’s the odds. And if the R’s do take the Senate, then what? Beyond Ted Cruz already worrying that Mitch McConnell isn’t rightwing enough to be Majority leader — Maddow says, delightedly, “They’re already fighting over the booty when they haven’t even raided the castle yet!” — there’s one big job that lots of Republican supporters want done: Impeaching Barack Obama. Oh, yes, there’s plenty of anticipation on the weirdo right, and things could get very interesting for the relatively sane heads in the GOP establishment as they try to hold back the loons, who know that Obama has to be impeached, just as soon as they find an actual crime to hang on him. Where they think a 2/3 majority for conviction will come from is still another matter, of course. Read more on Your Morning Maddow: Oh Look, It’s Impeachment O’Clock In America! (Video)…
  And The Kids Just Don't Understand

Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus

We liked the Dodge Challenger in that show
9:00 PM, Channel 433 (HD): THE MOD SQUAD (1971): A brash younger member of the force (Megyn Kelly) explains the frustrations of the black underclass to a skeptical police Captain (Bill O’Reilly) whose traditionalist views blind him to the situation on the ground. Guest appearances by Huey Newton, Charles Nelson Reilly. Read more on Megyn Kelly Learns Bill O’Reilly A Thing Or Two About White Privilege, Santa Claus…
  clipbait

Mark Fuhrman – Yes, MARK FUHRMAN! – Will Now Speculate At You About Michael Brown

Yep, this happened.
Where in America can a retrograde, humiliated racist cop go for redemption 20 years after being cast out of decent society? Why, to Fox News of course! Which is lucky for Mark Fuhrman, infamous fuck-up from the O.J. Simpson trial of the mid-1990s. Otherwise he would be living a life of quiet obscurity, running a gas station or a bait shack in Idaho. Instead, he’s putting on a tie, getting Botox injected into his face, and going on the teevee to give his expert opinion on the Michael Brown shooting. Hooray for America, where anyone can get a second act. Read more on Mark Fuhrman – Yes, MARK FUHRMAN! – Will Now Speculate At You About Michael Brown…
  Why Haven't We Bombed Iran Yet?

Very Sane Reactions To The Murder Of James Foley By The Coward Barack Obama

You've all seen the other pic
American photojournalist James Foley was beheaded Tuesday by the group calling itself The Islamic State (or “ISIS, ISIL — whatever you want to call these guys,” in Lindsey Graham’s memorable phrase). The FBI has announced that it believes that a graphic video of the execution is authentic. In addition to the beheading, the video shows another American journalist, Steven Joel Sotloff, whom the video’s narrator threatened to kill as well if President Obama does not cease airstrikes against the group. Read more on Very Sane Reactions To The Murder Of James Foley By The Coward Barack Obama…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Megyn Kelly Knows White Santa Is Real, Has Serious Doubts About Women’s ‘Health’

You know why we can’t have nice things? Today, the reason is Megyn Kelly, the beloved hard-hitting journamalist of Fox “News,” who for some reason my brain cannot comprehend is golden-showered with praise every time she opens her mouth and says something that is remotely accurate. Read more on Megyn Kelly Knows White Santa Is Real, Has Serious Doubts About Women’s ‘Health’…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Is Loving The Iraq Pack’s Reunion Tour (Video)

On Thursday’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert welcomed the reunion tour of his favorite band, even though they’re all just playing the base. John McCain is absolutely right, Stephen says: in 2009, America had the war won, “when we left Iraq a peaceful, smoldering democracy.” And even the leader of the Iraq Pack, Old Dead Eyes, is back, even if that mean old liberal Megyn Kelly is attacking him. Read more on Stephen Colbert Is Loving The Iraq Pack’s Reunion Tour (Video)…
  bless his undead heart

Megyn Kelly So Mean To Dick Cheney, UNFAIR

For the most part, we are not big fans of Fox’s Megyn Kelly. There’s just something about her head-tilted, unbelieving-skeptic pose that screams Fakey McFakerton to us, as if attitude = hard-hitting journalism. All the same, it’s kind of fun to see that pissed-off sorority-girl-who-can’t-believe-she-got-a-“C” face turned on kitten-devouring warmonkey Dick Cheney and his prop daughter Liz. Take this clip from Wednesday’s The Kelly Files, where Megs opened the segment quoting a WaPo piece asking why anyone would listen to the one person in America “who has been more wrong and more shamelessly dishonest on the topic of Iraq.” And then the mood started getting a little unfriendly. Read more on Megyn Kelly So Mean To Dick Cheney, UNFAIR…