Tag Archives: megyn kelly

  Give until it hurts.

It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Nothing cuter in the world than the newborn baby burrito. NOTHING.
WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY. Hey, did you hear Wonkette had a baby? As you read this, Ms. Donna Rose, daughter of yr Editrix Rebecca and her dashing pixel husband Shy, is on her third full day of being a fully formed, bee-yootiful babby, and her Wonkette uncles and aunt could not be more excited. Read more on It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  New investigation maybe?

What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?

Terrible people
If your family was once famous for making babies all day long, every day, for Jesus, but now it’s known as that sick reality TV star family that covered up the oldest son’s repeated sexual molestation of his kid sisters, you know what you should definitely NOT do? You should definitely NOT refuse to cooperate with a fresh new investigation into your family. But apparently the Duggar Homeschool Textbook of Homeschooling doesn’t cover that. Read more on What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?…
  oh look it's honesty we think?

Duck Dynasty Dude Was Molested Too, And Not Just By Family’s Gross Religious Beliefs

Not A Duggar.
The fundamentalist wackaloon “Duck Dynasty” family still exists, and youngest son Jep Robertson has decided now is a good time to come forward with his own story about being a reality teevee star who was molested as a child. (Not by an older sibling, though; that would be REALLY messed up.) Read more on Duck Dynasty Dude Was Molested Too, And Not Just By Family’s Gross Religious Beliefs…
  Um WHAT????

Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIs Sarah Palin on drugs? We don’t know, but maybe! We hear Alaska is a great place for scoring meth, to buy with your government hand-out checks from sweet drill-baby-drilled oil profits. And maybe those drugs have eated up the itsy bits of Palin’s brain? We’re just asking, with question marks, which makes it OK to say whatever we want. Read more on Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox…
  Won't Someone Please Think Of The HOA?

Wingnuts Outraged Teen In Bikini Forced Hero Cop To Smack Her Around Some

She probably doesn't like crosseyed pegasi in the pool either.
The National Conversation On The Pool Party Gone Awry in McKinney, Texas, took a familiar turn after the first full day of media exposure. Yr Wonkette was astonished to see that on Sunday, even the nine full-time staffers of Twitchy initially condemned the McKinney police officer, now identified as Cpl. Eric Casebolt, for manhandling a 15-year-old girl in a swimsuit. But by Monday night, they had rejoined their readers in worrying about how All The Blacks are blowing this out of proportion, with a scary story warning that the Nation of Islam and the New Black Panthers were joining the growing protests. And thus was order restored to the WingnuttoSphere. Read more on Wingnuts Outraged Teen In Bikini Forced Hero Cop To Smack Her Around Some…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  Please Don't Throw Us In The Media Patch!

Megyn Kelly Asks Duggar Girls: Show Us On The Doll Where The Liberal Media Touched You

These people ARE Television
OK, we think we’ve got it figured out, now: Megyn Kelly’s Fox News interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar Wednesday was like the end of the “19 Kids and Counting” franchise, and her follow-up interview with sisters Jill and Jessa Duggar Friday night paved the way for the rumored spinoff series focusing on Duggars: The Next Generation, which is set in the same fantasy universe as the original series but has better special effects. The Daily Banter’s Bob Cesca accurately predicted the overall shape of the interview with this tweet, 20 minutes into the interview: Read more on Megyn Kelly Asks Duggar Girls: Show Us On The Doll Where The Liberal Media Touched You…
  but we thought the Duggars had been forgiven by Jesus

Mike Huckabee Removes Nasty Duggar Stains From Campaign Website

Hands where we can see them, gentlemen.
Mike Huckabee has been a BFF of the Duggar family for a long time. In 2008, the family publicly endorsed him in his failed bid for the presidency, and when news of Josh Duggar’s sister-touching broke, Huckabee was the first wingnut to step up and say that Josh’s crimes were “‘inexcusable,’ but that doesn’t mean ‘unforgivable.’” Because Jesus forgives everybody, even Huck’s son, for murdering that dog, and even the homosexuals, as long as they stop doing gay stuff! Read more on Mike Huckabee Removes Nasty Duggar Stains From Campaign Website…
  softball interviews

The Duggar Interview: Why Won’t The Liberal Media Stop Molesting Our Kids?

But Jesus forgave us!
Did you watch the EXCLUSIVE Megyn Kelly interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar last night? The one where Megyn Kelly said she wasn’t going to give them some sort of interrogation about how their son Josh molested his sisters, because hey, look over there, Bill Clinton? If you have been living inside a rock, all you need to know is that Josh Duggar, eldest son of Jim Bob and Michelle, molested five girls, including four of his sisters, starting when he was a teenager. One of his victims was 5 years old at the time. His parents did very little in the way of reporting the crimes, and everybody has been forgiven by Jesus now, HALLELU! Read more on The Duggar Interview: Why Won’t The Liberal Media Stop Molesting Our Kids?…
  gross

Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions

Was 19 Kids And Counting also the name of Josh Duggar's bucket list?
In Touch Weekly is doing the journalism again, having obtained ANOTHER police report through a Freedom Of Information Act request, pertaining to young Josh Duggar’s sister touching. A lot of it rehashes what we already know, but we get a couple of new, specific details, to help us all put a fine point on how grossed out we are by this. For one thing, the report states that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were told not only by their daughters, but by Josh himself, on three separate occasions, that he just couldn’t stop fondling his sisters –one of whom was only five years old — in their beds at night. And his parents still waited 16 MONTHS to do anything about it, even after being told “multiple times.” The new report claims Ma and Pa were just shrugging it off all those times Josh told them, “I am so sorry, for I have fallen short and diddled your younger girl children once again.” What did they say, those “multiple times?” “Oh, Josh, we’ve told you TIME AND TIME AGAIN. The only girl you’re allowed to diddle against her will is your Christian Wife, when you are older. You’re GROUNDED from homeschool, for a week!” Read more on Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions…
  D'Felon D'Freed

Hardened Criminal Dinesh D’Souza Finally Freed From Maximum Security Sleep-Away Camp

He calls this his 'hoodlum chic' look. Really.
Convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza is free at last, FREE AT LAST! from his eight-month sentence of being held in “overnight captivity” in a “community confinement center.” D’Souza, as we all know because of how he has been on TV and radio shows every five minutes to talk about it, was sent to the San Diego gulag by Barack Obama himself, in an attempt to silence D’Souza from criticizing the Obama administration, aka, making illegal campaign donations, in violation of federal elections law, because THAT’S HOW MUCH HE LOVES AMERICA. Read more on Hardened Criminal Dinesh D’Souza Finally Freed From Maximum Security Sleep-Away Camp…
  65% of new jersey voters can't be wrong

New Jersey Loves Chris Christie Too Much To Share Him With America

America needs him.
According to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, there is just not enough of him to go around, and New Jersey residents would be very upset and jealous if he betrayed them by running for president of U.S. America. In an interview with Fox News lady Megyn Kelly, Christie said that the little fact that 65 percent of New Jersey voters think he would be a bad president is of absolutely no consequence. Because, you see, New Jersey voters are just lying, because they would be far too upset if he left them to be the governor of all the Americas: Read more on New Jersey Loves Chris Christie Too Much To Share Him With America…
  well why does he?

Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?

Jeb! doesn't like questions
Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president. Monday: MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]? Read more on Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?…
  Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays

Maybe we can blame gay marriage.
Here’s a moment that’s more than a little iconic of what’s gone wrong with politics in your 2015 America: Within a few hours of the Amtrak crash in Philadelphia, House Republicans voted to cut Amtrak’s budget by about 20 percent. While they were at it, they rejected a Democratic attempt to increase funds to put in place a safety system that almost certainly would have prevented the crash. Read more on Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays…
  this is why he'll be a great president

Jeb Bush Appalled Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Answer Questions As Good As He Does

Jeb Buh points to the part of his brain where he processes the questions.
Ooh, it’s time for some fighting words! Jeb Bush is willing to face all the tough questions, and Hillary Clinton is not, according to Jeb Bush. He has nothing to say about what actually happens when he tries to answer those questions, let’s just forget about all that, because at least he’s trying, therefore he gives himself an A for effort: Read more on Jeb Bush Appalled Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Answer Questions As Good As He Does…
  Now we know

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother

Yes, he's that dumb
Jeb Bush has dreamed of being president since, oh, the last century. His dumb big brother got to skip ahead of him (UNFAIR, Dad), but now it is finally Jeb’s turn. So given his decades of dreaming and scheming and preparationing, you’d think he would know how to answer the most obvious question he will be asked during his not-yet-official campaign: Are you a fucking idiot just like your brother? Read more on Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother…
  never gonna be as smart as his brother

Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq

Take your time, buddy
Jeb Bush sat down for a Fox News interview with Megyn Kelly that aired Monday, to talk about how much he wants to do presidenting, because his big brother (George W. Bush) got to do it and his dad got to do it, and he wants to be just like them. Kelly asked a completely straightforward very misleading question about the Iraq War his bro instigated: “Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion?” Either the baby Bush didn’t hear FULLY HALF OF THE VERY SIMPLE QUESTION, or he is a real big stupidhead, because this was his answer: Read more on Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Counterpoint

Rand Paul: Sexist Women Won’t Stop Sexisming Me!

I'm here to protect your freedom or at least ask for your vote
Look, Rand Paul already explained to us idiots that he is NOT sexist just because he has a habit of being a jerk to lady reporters. He is a jerk to ALL reporters, so there! But he has thought about it some — after Fox News lady Megyn Kelly told him a couple weeks ago, in her opinion “as a female reporter,” that it is sexist to say Rand Paul is sexist — and you know what? He has decided, all on his own (shut up, he is NOT also a plagiarist too), that it’s pretty sexist to say that, and YOU YES YOU are the real sexists! Read more on Rand Paul: Sexist Women Won’t Stop Sexisming Me!…
  rand paul f*ck-up watch

If Rand Paul F*cks Up One More Day This Week, He Wins A New Car!

He'll fuck up waving at some point, just watch.
Senator Dr. Rand Paul has fucked up in so many ways since kicking off his presidential campaign on Tuesday that we are probably going to be able to write a daily “How Is Rand Paul Fucking Up Today?” feature for this here Wonkette for the next year. We’re really looking forward to documenting all the ways Paul will fuck up between now and the day next February when he suspends his campaign after finishing ninth in Iowa behind Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Zombie Orval Faubus, and a placemat from a Council Bluffs Denny’s. Read more on If Rand Paul F*cks Up One More Day This Week, He Wins A New Car!…
  A victory for feminism!

Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick

He is genitals blind and will yell at ANYONE
Rand Paul has had a rough couple of days since he announced that he will be the next, LOL, president of these United States. He spent Day One being mocked ruthlessly on the intertubes for the disaster that is his campaign website, filled with misspelled words like “eductation,” ridiculous swag (hoodies and skull caps, Senator? Really?), and a page of “endorsements” from German stock photos. Read more on Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick…
  Fox Hix Nix Vax Fax

Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion

The stupid is growing
Now that at least a part of the Wingnut Wing of the Republican Party has decided there’s a debate about basic medical facts, like whether vaccines or even hand-washing should be mandatory, it stands to reason that Fox News wants in on the fun as well. Read more on Fox News Injects Known Toxins Into Vaccination Discussion…