Tag Archives: megyn kelly

  Resign Already

Screw You Guys, Gov. Paul LePage Gonna Go Be A Senator Now

Stupider things have happened
Stupider things have happened. Like his reelection. Maine Gov. Paul LePage has apparently not been paying attention to all the mail requesting that he resign, but he does at least have some thoughts about leaving office eventually. Like maybe he’ll run for the U.S. Senate in 2018 against mustache model and independent Sen. Angus King, a thought that LePage had floated before, only to proclaim that he was joking. But maybe this time he’s serious. Or MAYBE HE’S “JOKING” AGAIN, you simply cannot tell with Paul LePage, who is a Jedi with an unknowable mind. Or undetectable, maybe that’s it. In any case, it’s good to see he’s given some thought to what he’ll do after he’s impeached. Read more on Screw You Guys, Gov. Paul LePage Gonna Go Be A Senator Now…
  Clash Of The Titans

Fox News Dudes Being Total Girls About Donald Trump’s Sexism

Two minds with but a single thought
Two minds with but a single thought Oh, golly goodness, it would appear that there is once again discord in the House That Ailes Built. After taking a brief vacation, Fox’s Megyn Kelly returned to the network Monday night, and Donald Trump drunk-tweeted a bunch of mean stuff about her. (We are not accusing Mr. Trump of being a drunkard, of course — we know he only drinks at church. We just assume that anyone on Twitter is drunk, because it is Twitter). Read more on Fox News Dudes Being Total Girls About Donald Trump’s Sexism…
  wonksplainer

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Perry seems to have better technique
Rick Perry wins on technique. Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There’s enough meat-on-sticks to make Rick Santorum yearn for a return to the Senate’s weekly butt-fuck night (Tuesdays at 7 pm in Russell 290). There’s a cow made out of enough butter to make Paula Deen momentarily forget the good ol’ days of plantation living. But what makes politicians line up to shake the hands of babies and kiss farmers? What’s this fair all about? Let’s wonksplain. Read more on More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained…
  We exist! We really exist!

Rachel Maddow Wants To Gay Marry Yr Wonkette, And We Accept!

Wonkette's fiance
Wonkette is pleased to report that we officially exist on the internet, after years of relying on strangers to notice us wearing Wonkette T-shirts and carrying Wonkette tote bags (available in the Wonkette Sweat Shop for the low, low price of “money”!) and crinkle their eyebrows like maybe they recognize that logo from somewhere. Read more on Rachel Maddow Wants To Gay Marry Yr Wonkette, And We Accept!…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Wonkette baby has formed opinions.
Wonkette baby has formed opinions. Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and it is also August, which means the news is WEIRD and all the journalists who write the important stories about why everything is the Holocaust are on vacation, which means your top ten stories are ALL OVER THE PLACE. And only ONE of them is remotely related to Donald Trump, aren’t you happy? Moreover, only ONE of them is about candidates in the 2016 Republican primary. Because really, fuck all those nerds. Read more on Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Our Bad

We Are Sorry, Mr. Trump, We Really Thought You Were Joking

If only we’d known he meant it It seems we, Yr Wonkette, owe one Mister Donald J. Trump an apology. For months — nay, years — we have mocked Mr. Trump’s presidential aspirations as “fake.” When he formed an exploratory committee in March, we smugly pronounced that he was merely “pretending he is really going to run for president this time.” Even when he declared his candidacy, we rather sarcastically welcomed him to the race, and then very sarcastically referred to him as “Serious Presidential Contender Donald Trump.” Read more on We Are Sorry, Mr. Trump, We Really Thought You Were Joking…
  busted

Dr. Ben Carson Was Big Fan Of Using Baby Parts Back In His Doctorin’ Days

Dumb at doctoring.
Dumb at doctoring. OOH! OOH! BREAKING FETUS PARTS NEWS! You know how “pro-life” Ben Carson is running for president, but before that, he was the BEST doctor in all the land, and the first person ever to separate twins conjoined at the head? And know how Carson, as a doctor, recently offered his very medical opinion that not only is Planned Parenthood chopping up babies and auctioning them off on eBay (no it’s not), but it also does racist genocide to the blacks, racistly, because this one time Margaret Sanger, blah blah blah bullshit? Yes well, Dr. Jen Gunter, a ladyparts doctor-blogger who specializes in “wielding the lasso of truth,” uncovered a fun little nugget of information, which is that the very same Ben Carson not only did research on fetal tissue, but also wrote papers about it like he’s not even ashamed of it! Who’s the racist genociding Planned Parenthood baby parts secret shopper now, HUH? Read more on Dr. Ben Carson Was Big Fan Of Using Baby Parts Back In His Doctorin’ Days…
  We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho

Talk to the hand, and also YOUR MOM Once upon a time, there was a guy with with a real dumb redundant name that is dumb, and for an entire millisecond, he fancied himself a great defender of womenfolk and decency. And fellow feminist icon Jeb! Bush declared him to be “on the side of women,” so it must be true. Read more on Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho…
  And now you're throwing up

Megyn Kelly Gives Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever, In His Penis

A song about Megyn Kelly, apparently.
A song about Megyn Kelly, apparently. Well, this argument about whether Donald Trump or Megyn Kelly is the biggest sexist is officially OVER, even more than when Bristol Palin finally commented on the situation, because Ted Nugent has spoken, and what do you know, he said something really gross. You see, he COMES down on the side of Donald Trump, except for when he’s CUMMING on his television, because Megyn Kelly is on the screen, being all dreamy-like, and the combination of that, and the phallic gun in his hand, and the fact that he is SITTING THERE NAKED, just overtakes his NOOOOGE Peen, and he can’t help but squeeze off a couple rounds. Rich Lowry only WISHES his Sarah Palin Penile Starbursts had this much muzzle velocity: Read more on Megyn Kelly Gives Ted Nugent Cat Scratch Fever, In His Penis…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  He says What He Thinks -- Which Varies

Relax, Ladies, Donald Trump Will Let Planned Parenthood Treat Your Wherevers

CALL ME MAYBE
So here’s something that might, in a different political year or for a different candidate, actually get Donald Trump in trouble with his Republican supporters: Trump said on CNN Tuesday morning that he would be OK with keeping some federal funding for Planned Parenthood. Not that any of his supporters actually give a rat’s fundament about his “policies” — because he has none, really, other than Making America Great Again, which covers everything. But if anyone on the right wanted to, they might have some fun with this snippet of an interview with Chris Cuomo, where Trump carefully lays out how he’d handle Planned Parenthood: Read more on Relax, Ladies, Donald Trump Will Let Planned Parenthood Treat Your Wherevers…
  LISTEN UP ASSHOLES

Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob

Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS. Attention, everyone, for Our Lady Of However Many Immaculate Conceptions, Bristol Palin, has taken to the blogotubes to discuss how the media is doing all the liberal censorship crimes to our prince and Palin family hero Donald Trump, just because he said Megyn Kelly did a bad job moderating that debate due to profuse bleeding from her “wherever.” It’s a bad situation because, for one thing, Bristol is way too busy to be commenting on such things, but WHEN HER NATION CALLS, she answers. Today, we will be discussing “decency,” or Bristol’s concept of it at least. Take it away, Mama Morals: Read more on Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump’s Knob…
  Someone stop the bleeding

If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi

Jeffrey Lord, apparently OK, folks, we can all go home now, because we have reached the penultimate* plu-perfect** fucktasm of stupid on Aunt Flo-gate. You know, the Very Serious Matter of whether Fox News word-speaker Megyn Kelly was a girl dick to Donald Trump during the GOP debate, for asking him why he’s such a sexist boy dick, because her va-jay-jay was on the rag; or whether she is just a big dumb stupid, and only a pervert would think Trump was talking about her lady whatsit when he said she was “bleeding from her wherever” because he obviously meant her NOSE, you sick losers; or whether she was asking inappropriate questions and should be YOU’RE FIRED! from Fox and apologize to Trump; or whether it’s time for us to start drinking. Read more on If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi…
  Who's the REAL sexist Megyn?

Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry

The true face of feminism.
The true face of feminism. Megyn Kelly is mean and bad and should be the one saying “sorry,” y’all. Let’s recap everything that’s happened between Donald Trump, blowhard verbal diarrhea presidential candidate, and Kelly, Fox News anchor who sucks a lot but actually did a decent job moderating the first Republican debate of Fuckshow 2016: Read more on Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry…
  Republicans in so much damned disarray

Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome

They sure love us
How’s the lady outreach going? The Republican Party is in the middle of a terribly bloody fight right now about which one of these assholes is the biggest asshole to women. (Hint: It’s all of them.) Thanks to the party’s current favorite presidential contender, Donald Trump, the GOP is trying, yet again, to prove it does not hate Vagina-Americans. And, like all the other failed attempts before this one, it’s going as well as you’d expect. Read more on Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome…