On Wednesday and Thursday the Internet’s First Daughter, Meghan McCain, will be appearing on The View, America’s most threatening daytime pastiche! She will be filling in for one of the ladies, the Elizabeth one, who plays an uninformed blond conservative named “Elizabeth.” It will be the greatest performance of young Meg’s blossoming guest-hosting/role modeling/media criticism/blog/Tina Brown/Twitter/The Hills/boys!!/punditry career. She will obviously be interviewing Rod Blagojevich. MORE »

Ah, Sturgis … it’s like the “Gathering of the Juggalos” for middle-aged people who saved up enough for a Gold Wing! And the $100-million McCain family just adores acting like they love this dumb populist cretin crap, because, after all, the McCains have those riches only because Cindy’s dad actually worked for a living, selling Budweiser to guys with choppers, in Arizona. It’s circular! MORE »

More revelations than usual this week on Tina Brown’s pro-bono Electra Complex study, The Daily Beast. Famous “daughter of” Elizabeth Gates, daughter of Skip Gates, has insights about last week’s impossibly crucial Treaty of Beersailles between her father, the cop who handcuffed him to the Past, and the President of the United States. Blind item! WHICH major player in this incident wore “an appropriately heavy and charmingly untrained amount of green eyeliner on her lower lashes”—a savvy cosmetological atonement that, in many ways, taught everyone something about America? MORE »

Much like the earlier generations of unemployed bloggers, Meghan McCain is just so deep in the Internet right now that she’s going double insane. Behold her nervous, illiterate twitters about somebody she doesn’t know who may or may not exist, on the Internet, and perhaps at minimum exists on the other side of the country, typing some sadsack stuff about wanting to die. Teen-agers are hyper-emotional, Meghan, sort of like you, except you haven’t been a teen-ager since your dad almost joined John Kerry’s presidential ticket. MORE »

Merciful heavens, Meghan McCain has contracted the Consumption! And what folk remedy has her personal Obamacare physician prescribed? Leech therapy? A cardiac needle full of Demerol? Maybe a soothing oatmeal bath? Nein! She was maliciously instructed to devour pint after pint of disgusting Airborne juice. But it’s a good thing she got a second opinion from Dr. Twitter, because it turns out that Airborne stuff is just another hyped commodity Goldman Sachs tricked America into buying. Get well soon, Meghan! [Twitter]

Meghan McCain Twitter-biographer MEGHAN McCAIN has special maternal feelings for sexy senator LINDSEY GRAHAM (R-SC), who served with distinction as First Mate aboard the Straight Talk Express. The two were practically inseparable on the campaign trail, and during long cold nights, Lindsey would often sit on Meghan’s WARM LAP as she French-braided his GOLDEN TOUPEE. But now Meghan’s Little Lindsey-Lamb has received volleys of disrespect from conservatives for saying he might “vote Yea for WISE SOTOMAYOR-AY!” Are these smack-talkers prepared to duel Meghan, on Twitter, using TRADITIONAL FLINTLOCK BLACKBERRY MACHINES? Because that is the price they must pay, for dishonoring Lindsey Graham so thoroughly …. MORE »

Oh come now, don’t mind us. We’re just a dumb smut blog that likes to take screen grabs for easy posts. Never stop keeping it real! NEVER! [Twitter]

Oh Jesus, Meghan McCain’s goin’ nuts, again, on Twitter. MORE »

Meghan! She told Stephen Colbert last night that there should be room for “24-year-old pro-sex women” in the Republican Party. Who said there wasn’t? They are all married with nine kids, is the thing. Come to think of it, shouldn’t Meghan McCain have babies by her age? [The Week]

Everyone was so mean to Meghan McCain at the White House Correspondents Dinner, it says in the papers! Oh my. Meghan wanted to bring all her girlfriends in so they could be gettin’ that drink on, grindin’ up against Mark’s Penn’s leg, woot woot, Meghan just being Meghan, right? But then they only gave her two tickets, right? And she needed three, right? If only those security slaves knew that she was a columnist for a little thing called UMM THE DAILY BEAST, then they wouldn’t be gettin’ all up in her grill. Right? MORE »

Nah, we’ve read the whole thing, and there’s nothing dirty. Tricksy tricksy Meghan! The column’s called “The GOP Doesn’t Understand Sex” and it’s like, for serious, what is up with the GOP totally not ever talking about sex? What is up with that dudes? But she’s Meghan McCain and she don’t censor nothin’, she’ll write about sex (vaguely) all day long; can you hatin’ bitches even handle that? MORE »