And so continues the most sordid tale in the history of Earth, in which Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston argue publicly about who called Trig Palin a “retard,” how many times, and with what inflection. You’ll recall that yesterday, Levi went on teevee, uhh, some show, let’s say game one of the World Series, in which someone—probably Derek Jeter—asked him whether or not it was true that Palin called Trig a retard constantly. He affirmed! Now Meg Stapleton is like, “Yeah, nice try, except impossible, because were too busy calling Trig a ‘blessed little angel’ to call him a retard.” No but like actually. MORE »

The news of Sarah Palin’s literary fortunes—both fiscal and fictive—also brought a smaller bit of news about a secret mystery company owned by Palin. “In April, while still governor, she founded what she describes as a “marketing” business, called ‘Pie Spy.’ Palin lists herself as the owner of the limited liability company, which was incorporated in March by her spokeswoman, Meghan Stapleton, who listed Palin’s lawyer, Thomas Van Flien, as its agent.” Extensive journalism Googling by Ben Smith also reveals that the dessert-based marketing company has something to do with helping disabled people, possibly old disabled people, by spying on them. Um, and corollary sub-revelation: of course Meg Stapleton is essentially also her de facto lawyer. [Ben Smith]

Okay, all aboard, the next stop of the Sarah Palin’s Preemptive Book Tour will be… the Oprah Winfrey show! The big day is the 16th of November—the book is being released on the the day after—so you should just go ahead and pencil in these important dates. Or you know what, use pen. This is Oprah, alright, not some backwoods three-foodstamps-a-couple picnic with Palin’s constituents that she’d normally just skip out on. It’s Hollywood by way of Chicago, baby—she’ll be there. Also: We shudder to consider what truly horrific thing Oprah must have done in her past that somehow only Meg Stapleton knows about. What is the equivalent, in murders, of writing Going Rogue? [HuffPost]

On Friday, America’s spokesperson Meg Stapleton publicly announced that Sarah Palin was totally willing to help out Bob McDonnell win his governor’s race in Virgina, which is like the “contiguous states equivalent” of avoiding being elected governor of Alaska. Anyway, McDonnell did not appear to be too excited about this, which is funny, considering how into it he used to be, back in August. Says McDonnell: “There was a time earlier on when she was governor when I thought she would come here. But I think she seems to be busy with books and other things like that. We’ve still got about 20 different events scheduled down the road and she’s not one of them.” He was pretty sure it was a casual summer thing, is the point. MORE »

Sarah Palin was once elected Governor of Alaska! This is like winning the Nobel Prize in Mattering. So as you can see, this Sarah Palin politics expert knows a thing or two about elections and winning them, mmhmm! It is so fortunate then, that she offered to campaign for Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie to help them out in Virginia and New Jersey, respectively. Except neither one is taking her up on her generous goodwill PR stunt! Meg Stapleton, beta version of a human being, GO: “The governor offered her assistance with both races. The ball is in their court.” It’s like Bob McDonnell and Chris Christie don’t even care about the Going Rogue book sales. [POLITICO]

IMPORTANT GOING ROGUE CONTENT UPDATE LITERARY SPOILER: Newsweek has Meg Stapleton making hilariously ominous threat-y remarks about Steve Schmidt! “Meg Stapleton, Palin’s spokeswoman, responds via e-mail: ‘The Governor will write about all of this in her book. There will be plenty of time to talk about it then.’” HA HA MEG STAPLETON, will there also be time to talk about how Sarah Palin is no longer “The Governor?” UPDATE, SPOILER ALERT #2: No, there will not. [Newsweek/The Gaggle]

It’s the future in Hong Kong already, which means that all the details about Palin’s mega-secret speech to some investment company have arrived! Oh but first of all, Mazel Tov to Meg Stapleton, who will not be needing to feed some terrible lie into Google Translator only to at first frantically discover that there is no “English-to-Asian” option and later have to explain in Korean or Tagalog to the Hong Konger investors that Sarah “would house speech Vanity Fair mom wink values.” MORE »

“Congratulations,” or whatever the equivalent is in Twitter or Alaskan, are in order to virtuoso grifter Sarah Palin, who has landed herself a prime commercial (”$”, in Twitter) speaking gig! This is not just going to be some low-grade demagoguery on behalf of Christian wolves or whatever. You see, for fees unknown, Palin is going to Asia, the famous continent! MORE »

NEWS SHOCKER: Meg Stapleton, holder of the World’s Worst Job as spokeswoman for an increasingly fragile and erratic unemployed publicity hound, had to once again explain at the very last minute how Sarah Palin would not be headlining an event that the event organizers thought she would be headlining. This happens every five days or so, so Meg should probably just have some boilerplate text cooked up to explain these embarrassing incidents. MORE »

• OH GOD, DO WE AGREE WITH MEG STAPLETON? Man, a lot of you people are taking this thing quite seriously! Who knows if any of it is true, because my oh my, that’s some sketchy sourcing — it doesn’t even exist, in fact! And even if they were going to get a divorce, but wanted to keep it to themselves for now … that’s understandable. So everyone go PLAY OUTSIDE. The world is literally your oyster. [Alaska Report, Mediaite]

Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]