Tag Archives: medicine

  Sucks To Your Ass-Mar

Obama Says Climate Change Causes Asthma; Republicans Immediately Stop Breathing To Show Him Who’s Boss

Oh, look at him acting like he Knows Things
Despite the fact that only 97% of climate scientists are convinced that global warming is real, President Barack Obama nonetheless met with medical and scientific experts Tuesday for a roundtable discussion of the public health impacts of climate change. You’d almost think that there’s a problem or something! Read more on Obama Says Climate Change Causes Asthma; Republicans Immediately Stop Breathing To Show Him Who’s Boss…
  You See Us Together Chasing The Moonlight My Cinnamon Girl

Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Like Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee is going to tell you a few secrets that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know. No, seriously! That’s how he’s making money these days, and it’s all because he wants to be president and definitely not because Huck knows a good grift when he sees one. The New York Times explains how Huckabee is using this one weird trick to cure diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses all the way to the goddamn bank. Read more on Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)…
  You Say "Te Deum" We Say "Tedium"

Catholic Mommy Bloggers Explain Why They Don’t Like Or Understand Birth Control

Another good reason to use birth control
A couple weeks back, Buzzfeed posted photos of its employees explaining why they used birth control. It’s a lot of the old, tired “I deserve a say in what happens to my body and my life,” and “I take birth control for my endometriosis” blah-blah-blah we’ve come to expect from the man-hatin’ pro-abortion left. Well, the mommy bloggers at Catholic Sistas weren’t going to take this Buzzfeed thing lying down, if you catch our drift, and we think you do. They posted their own “Why I Don’t Use Birth Control” piece, and it is just a barrel full of monkeys. Read more on Catholic Mommy Bloggers Explain Why They Don’t Like Or Understand Birth Control…
  lucky duckies

Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer

Isn’t it wonderful to live in the land of socialized health care, where You People can all go to the ER of our local hospitals and receive medical services that everyone else pays for? As Mitt pointed out, “If someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance and take them to the hospital and give them care.” And indeed we do! But what if that same uninsured or underinsured Someone has, say, testicular cancer? Do we pick him up in an ambulance and take him to the hospital and give him care? No. We do not. We tell him that we won’t treat him, but that it’s “urgent” he get care. Read more on Socialized ER Care Is Such A Sweet Deal, Unless You Have Ball Cancer…
  turning vicious sexual assault into lemonade

Mitt Romney To Nutter Rapey Doctor Last Year: ‘We Agree On Almost Everything’

You may have heard over the past few days of Dr. Jack Willke (because you read Wonkette with slavish devotion), the crazy man who spreads the lie that you can’t get pregnant if you’re goodly and righteously raped. You probably also heard that he was buddy-buddy with Mitt Romney in 2008, because Mitt Romney would do a soccer potluck with Idi Amin and the Tamil Tigers if it got the Family Research Council off his back for a week. Read more on Mitt Romney To Nutter Rapey Doctor Last Year: ‘We Agree On Almost Everything’…
  health insurance is awesome

You Still Can’t Take A Chicken To The Doctor Unless It Is A Chicken Doctor

Remember that LA Times article from a couple months back where they revealed that the average American family pays about $20,000 for health care every year? And then ran the article with a picture of a Hyundai sedan, because they are charging $20,000 for a Hyundai sedan these days? Anyway, turns out that’s only true for Americans who have insurance. The LA Times has since learned that the rest of us — the Poors who are uninsured and the unemployed, basically — are not missing out on Hyundai sedans by paying for health care. This is because hospitals just go on ahead and charge people whatever they feel like, so uninsured people can get services for 10% of what they would cost insured people. DAMN YOU, POORS. Read more on You Still Can’t Take A Chicken To The Doctor Unless It Is A Chicken Doctor… Read more on You Still Can’t Take A Chicken To The Doctor Unless It Is A Chicken Doctor…
  she performed it herself!

Bristol Palin’s Facelift Was ‘Necessary For Medical Reasons’

Sure, it seemed strange when we read famed Hollywood reproducer Bristol Palin was moving “to Los Angeles from Wasilla, Alaska” to live with two black people and will be “working” at “a job” for what will be the most fictional show in the history of American television, not the least because, as we are embarrased to know, she has been living in Arizona, not Alaska, for quite some time. But this is more odd: Bristol Palin had all the fat sucked out from underneath her face and suddenly has a new Jay Leno chin. This allowed her a chance to once again tap some food money from US Weekly, by denying the procedure was plastic surgery. The problem, she says, was that her snowbilly teeth were all screwed up and her jaw was about to rot off or something. Even better! Read more on Bristol Palin’s Facelift Was ‘Necessary For Medical Reasons’…
  don't let those stem cells shower with our soldiers

Evil Stem Cells Further Gay Agenda By Curing Guy With HIV

Doctors in Germany believe they have cured a 42-year-old man of HIV after giving him a stem cell transplant three years ago, apparent Halloween-novelty medical journal Blood reports. Well isn’t this just great news for the Gay Agenda. Germany, as we all know, is where the Nazis came from, so it should come as no surprise that they have teamed up with something so librul as stem cells to figure out something so evil as curing a disease that has killed so many people gay people. If the Gay Agenda has found a cure for HIV/AIDS, the American Family Association and Bryan Fischer are simply going to melt, because it will mean there is no longer a “justification” for making gay sex illegal. Read more on Evil Stem Cells Further Gay Agenda By Curing Guy With HIV…
  people your hmo will send you to

Rand Paul Doctor Club: Obama Elected By Literally Hypnotizing Voters

Rand Paul does not believe in joining legitimate medical organizations that are the industry standard, so instead of joining the American Medical Association, he joined the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, of which his father is also a member. Rand Paul likes to talk about this organization and how its literature informs the crap he says about medicine. But, interestingly, the AAPS publishes some weird literature! Like in 2007, when they said AIDS isn’t linked to HIV. And in 2008, they said Barack Obama was using hypnotism techniques to trick the American public into electing him. Read more on Rand Paul Doctor Club: Obama Elected By Literally Hypnotizing Voters…
  america: still in the running

GOOD THING BARACK OBAMA DID NOT ALSO ASK THAT AMERICA RECEIVE THIS TOO: Hey mazel tov to the three Americans who have WON the Nobel Prize in Medicine and therefore the morning. It is also the first time that two lady scientists have shared the prize. “The three scientists won the prize for experiments that showed that the long thread-like molecules that carry genes inside every cell known as chromosomes have protective caps on their ends — like the protective tips on shoelaces — called telomeres, which are replenished with an enzyme known as telomerase.” TOO INSIDERY. [Washington Post] Read more on …
  nation of trannies

Socialized Medicine=Mandatory Sex Changes!

Little-known fact about this revolutionary new healthcare scheme for all Americans: it will force you to have your genitals remade into opposite-looking genitals. But the procedure will be “free,” sort of, just like those abortions you’ll be enjoying on demand. Read more on Socialized Medicine=Mandatory Sex Changes!…
  president of swine flu

Obama Picks Some Non-Sanjay Gupta Person For Surgeon General

The world will always remember the day when the Obama presidency began its tragic downward spiral: the day that Dr. Sanjay Gupta, television’s handsomest authority on thyroid pills, decided that he wanted to “spend more time with his family” rather than Serve the Nation as surgeon general. Since then, Obama has been helplessly casting about looking for America’s Doctor and finding nothing but a swarm of venal insurance industry whores in white coats. Read more on Obama Picks Some Non-Sanjay Gupta Person For Surgeon General…
  meet your meat

Butterstick Takes It Up The Hindquarters For Science

The life of Butterstick the National Zoo panda follows an all-too-common trajectory: we’ve seen him grow from adorable infant to teenage crack-whore to compulsive leg-humper and now, to a middle-aged adult with irritable bowels. Read more on Butterstick Takes It Up The Hindquarters For Science…
  whoa hey

Person Who Answers To Wolf Blitzer Will Run America’s Doctors

Hey Obama waited until the last minute to pick a surgeon general, the government’s top doctor! SHIT SHIT SHIT who should he pick?? Uh uh uhhhhhh… quick, without even thinking: name a famous real-life teevee doctor! Him? Sure, fine, whatever, he can run America’s doctors. Read more on Person Who Answers To Wolf Blitzer Will Run America’s Doctors…
  nation of toxic boils

New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere). Read more on New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor…
 

Cabal Of Doctors To Declare John McCain Physically Sound(ish)

Everybody wants to know if John McCain is equipped to serve out a full term in office before expiring of the Old Age Vapours, so his team is assembling a squadron of doctors to vouch for his excellent physical health. This is a man who broke every bone in his body, including the little dealies in his inner ear, before having them each systematically removed and then re-inserted at a 45 degree angle in a sterile Vietnamese Torture Prison. He also had half his face cut off because of Face Cancer. Read more on Cabal Of Doctors To Declare John McCain Physically Sound(ish)…