Tag Archives: Medicare

  Teabagger Nice Time

Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare

Obamacare yay, gay sprinkles in mah coffee BOO.
Tyrant Obama sure did set a mighty fine trap for the Republican Party, with their constant efforts to repeal Obamacare! With the full benefits of the Affordable Care Act starting to come to fruition in 2014, and even more this year, people around the country — even those who don tri-cornered hats and hold Gadsden Flags at Koch Bros.-funded tea party rallies — are starting to realize, well, goddamn, look at my general healthcare situation getting better! Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers learned this the hard way when her FaceSpace call for “Obamacare horror stories” was met with a whole lot of “my healthcare is cheaper!” and “my grandmother didn’t die!” and “these are my slut pills now!” Read more on Even This Cuddly Teabagger Dude Might Vote For Hillary, So He Can Keep His Beloved Obamacare…
  What -- no lube?

Republican House Passes Budget Bill To Screw America Because Screw You, America!

He really loves us
It was just a week ago that House Republicans introduced their latest scheme to screw America, which they charmingly call the Balanced Budget for a Stronger America. It would not actually balance the budget (unless you do some fancy magic “math” to it, which does not work in the real world, sorry) nor does it make America stronger, but come ON, it’s got a nice-sounding name, isn’t that enough? Read more on Republican House Passes Budget Bill To Screw America Because Screw You, America!…
  You just have to love America enough for it to work

House Republicans’ New Budget Holds Every Terrific Idea The Teabaggers Have Had … And More!

You just have to love America enough for it to work
Oh neat, it’s that time again when Republicans introduce their plan to make America flush with cash and liberty by drowning government in a bathtub and letting olds figure out their own damn health care and generally requesting that we all grab our ankles and hold on tight. Again? Yes, again. So what kinds of nifty fix-everything ideas did the GOP come up with this time, using an abacus and some of Rep. Paul Ryan’s left over magic fairy dust from his days as budget chairman, when he tried and failed to save America? Oh, the usual: Read more on House Republicans’ New Budget Holds Every Terrific Idea The Teabaggers Have Had … And More!…
  Obama's filling your grandma's doughnut hole right nice

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.
U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can’t count moneys anymore? GOOD NEWS, it is not that, your Okie Mee-Maw is just fine! It turns out that, due to the Affordable Care Act, more popularly known as “Obamacare,” Grandma Rose has a bit more cash to throw around, stemming from Obamacare’s efforts to close the so-called “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D, a dumb coverage gap that causes seniors to spend many extra dollars per year on prescriptions that they actually need. So far, though, since Black President death paneled all the Olds in 2010, Oklahoma grandmas (and grandpas, and grandsgenders, and also disabled people covered by Medicare who are not “grand” age) have saved $191 million on their prescription drugs, hurray! You know who is going to the race track this weekend? Yes, it is Grandma Rose and her 65,158 best friends: Read more on Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money…
  Just heal yourself with bootstraps

Arizona Wants To Help The Poors By Taking Away Their Medicaid

He's here to protect the taxpayers
Arizona’s new Republican governor, Doug Ducey, sure is in a hurry to undo all the socialism the state’s previous radical liberal Marxist Obama-lovin’ governor, Jan “Judas” Brewer, did when she was still in charge of the place. Read more on Arizona Wants To Help The Poors By Taking Away Their Medicaid…
  For good this time

Meet The WND Commenters Trying To Kill Obamacare

Even though the Supreme Court already heard a case about Obamacare and told opponents that sorry, it IS legal, stop whining, the Court has decided, not unlike the Republicans in Congress who can’t stop trying to repeal, to give it another shot. Read more on Meet The WND Commenters Trying To Kill Obamacare…
  Tomorrow Belongs To Him

Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America

Lots of good jobs for women, too!
Remember the anecdote about what Gandhi supposedly said when asked what he thought of Western Civilization? “I think it would be a good idea.” Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson has a slightly different answer — he’d say “I think it’s been corrupted by Satan from the very beginning.” This is why people like the Gandhi quote, even if it’s probably apocryphal. But here we are, finally, at the end of Swanson’s e-tirade, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which lays out his case that most of what we think of as Western Culture is in fact a grand plot by the Father of Lies to turn Europe and America away from Biblical truth and clean Christian living. In his final chapter, “Gardens in the Ashes,” Swanson presents his vision for how American Christians can begin to rebuild a truly Christian society after the inevitable collapse of secularism. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America…
  Here have some news n stuff

House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It

Finally they came for the Nazis
We may be the most polarized America we have ever been, including that time we Civil Warred — THANKS, OBAMA — but it’s nice to know that we can put aside our partisan bickering for one half of one second to come together to screw over some Nazis. Which has not always been the position of our fine United States government, at least when it came to “moderate Nazis,” but hey, we’ve made progress! You may recall the proposed Senate legislation we told you about in October to deny Social Security benefits to accused Nazi war criminals. Somehow, on Tuesday, the House of Representatives found time in its busy schedule of suing the president, whining about the onslaught of immigrants who are already here, and contemplating a shutdown out of spite to vote on its version of the bill: Read more on House Unanimously Passes Super Controversial Bill Telling Nazis To Suck It…
  Here have some news n stuff

John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!

Finally a reason to smile
For a guy who keeps insisting he will impeach the hell out of Obamacare, Weeper of the House John Boehner sure does seem to like it. A LOT. Now that he is 65 years orange, he’s eligible for Social Security and Medicare, as his good friend across the aisle and excellent Twitter troll Nancy Pelosi reminded him. You’d think he’d be so grateful to finally be able to opt out of a health insurance system he hates so he can opt in to the taxpayer-funded socialized healthcare system known as Medicare. But no! Read more on John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!…
  Grimdark Rimrack Gimcracks And Gewgaws

Mitch McConnell Won’t Let Obamacare Do Buttsechs To America Anymore

If you get this you're a Smeghead
Monday night, Mitch McConnell and Alison Lundergan Grimes held their only debate in the race for U.S. Senate for Kentucky, and sure, there were some weird moments, like Grimes continuing to not say whether she voted for Barack Obama, as if that somehow were important, or McConnell’s weird insistence that if he gets his wish and Obamacare goes away forever, that somehow won’t change anything for the 500,000 people who’ve gotten health insurance through Kentucky’s exchange website, Kynect. Read more on Mitch McConnell Won’t Let Obamacare Do Buttsechs To America Anymore…
  Sunday Bloody New York Times Sunday

At The New York Times, A Slow News Day

Fred Stein, 'Children reading newspaper' 1936
Things have quieted down in Ferguson and we have a holiday weekend, so the New York Times is full of analysis-type stuff today. There’s a pretty good piece on Democrats’ attempts to mobilize African-American voters who are outraged over Michael Brown’s shooting (and another story about that effort in Ferguson, specifically). There’s also longish story about the Chinese Communist Party’s attempt to prevent Hong Kong from doing free-n-fair elections, which is both well-reported and interesting, but which we bet you won’t read because it is not sexxay, you laggards. Go on, we dare you! You probably can’t handle it! The big breaking news of the morning, we guess, is the St. Louis Rams’ cutting Michael Sam, and if you read the New York Times for sports news, that’s in there too. Read more on At The New York Times, A Slow News Day…
  Are there no workhouses?

Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die

Yesterday, we brought you the story of a real death panel, the Florida Legislature, whose continued refusal to expand Medicaid is literally — the literal kind of literally — killing people. Or not, say the teabaggers, because after all the poors can always go to the ER, and then we can bitch about all those lazy poors clogging the ER. What we’re getting at here is that Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R-I Got Mine) vetoed a bill to expand Medicaid in that state Wednesday, explaining that there’s just no way that Maine can afford the expansion, which will be paid for 100% by the Federal Government for the first three years, and 90% until 2022. It’s his third veto of Medicaid expansion, and will leave over 24,000 Maine residents (out of 1.3 million Mainers total) in the coverage gap between existing Medicaid eligibility and the income level for subsidized plans on the ACA exchange. We sure hope those folks appreciate what a great chance this is for them to declare themselves free of the oppression of healthcare! Read more on Maine Gov. Paul LePage Has Cool New Medicaid Plan Where Poors Can Just Die…
  eve of distraction

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books For A Not-So-Great Society

“Hey, Hey, LBJ! How much Taxpayer Money did you waste on social engineering today?” chanted no one ever. And yet both of our Christian-oriented textbooks for homeschoolers might leave the modern student thinking that the most controversial thing about the 36th president was all that spending he did. Today, we will learn how Lyndon Johnson made America poorer and less moral, and made hippies happen by not letting Our Troops win in Vietnam (we’ll get to the Vietnam war itself next week, though). Go ahead and put some flowers in your hair, for all the good it’ll do you. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books For A Not-So-Great Society…
  pump it up when you don't really need it

America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up

America is broke, people. Flat-busted broke. We’re cutting school lunches, because everyone knows kids don’t need lunches to grow — they just photosynthesize or something. We’re kicking people off the unemployment rolls because everyone knows that makes you magically get a job where there were no jobs before, taker. Now it is time for us to tackle the third rail of American politics. No, not Social Security. We’re talking about something much more critical, more near and dear to America’s crotch: bloated engorged pricing on Medicare-covered penis pumps. Finally, a story custom-designed to let us simply find dick jokes instead of reaching for them! Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday. Read more on America Is Running Out Of Money Because Grandpa Can’t Get It Up…
  most people my age are dead

Sen. Jim Inhofe, 79, Says Socialized Medicine Would Have Killed Him; Irony Not Covered By Medicare

Recovering from a recent quadruple bypass, Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe explained that he would not have survived if he had been in a country with “socialized medicine like Obama is trying to impose upon America,” because insurance kills people. The 79-year-old senator is apparently unaware that millions of people his age are using government-run healthcare systems called Medicare and the Veterans Administration; doctors have so far withheld that information as he is still recovering from heart surgery. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe, 79, Says Socialized Medicine Would Have Killed Him; Irony Not Covered By Medicare…
  leave the deep thoughts to chuck grassley please

Hero Laura Ingraham Uses Car Rental Line As Opportunity To Deliver Obamacare Lesson

Amoebic dysentery vector Laura Ingraham is not one bit pleased with how Barack Obama has made waits at airports longer, because it is just like waiting for a hip replacement. Never mind that most folks old enough to need a hip replacement are on Medicare, which isn’t even the Affordable Care Act, and that the ACA is not Britain’s National Health Service, or that Laura Ingraham is not a competent user of analogies. She has made one hell of a point here, in the long car rental line (THANKS OBAMA) and then tweeted the wise and clever thing she said to the car rental line so we all could receive her wise bon mot, and we salute her. It’s just like we told the woman taking our order at the coffee shop this morning, “Get used to taking orders, only you’ll be taking them from the commandant at the FEMA camp.” #Obamacare Read more on Hero Laura Ingraham Uses Car Rental Line As Opportunity To Deliver Obamacare Lesson…
  and liberty and death panels for all

Point: Obamacare Is Awesome! Counterpoint: Yes It Is!

Good afternoon. We come together in solemnity on this solemn Memorial Day of solemnitude to rap at ya about Obamacare, and how it will kill you dead … WITH GREAT PRICES! Taking the Point that Obamacare is awesome, because “California,” will be your Editrix. Taking the Counterpoint that Yes it is, even though he lives in Idaho and presumably will be saved from sipping the sweet deadly nectar of fascism, will be your Doktor Zoom. LET’S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLE!!!1! Read more on Point: Obamacare Is Awesome! Counterpoint: Yes It Is!…
  keep fucking that chicken

In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare

Back in November, the United States held an election that you might have heard about. And in that election one B. Barry Bamz trounced the ever loving shit out of some dude, what was his name, the guy with the hair? Unfortunately, the hair guy’s party held on to the House of Representatives and its caucus of addlepated numbfuck children who couldn’t find their own dicks with both hands and a map. Great, we thought, four more years of shrieking about PIGFORD! and BENGHAZI! and most importantly, OBAMACARE! But there was hope for a brief moment when the nominal head of this merry band of dimwits, Tea Party blow-up fuck doll John Boehner, told Diane Sawyer days after the election that Obamacare was now the law of the land, and though he still claimed he hated it and would do what he could to change parts of it, the people had spoken. Was it possible, we wondered, that at the very least the House would stop with the fruitless repeal votes and talk about something else? Ha ha, no: Read more on In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare…
  orange you glad we didn't say boehnaner?

John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It

Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama! “Despite talk about so-called balance, the president’s last offer was significantly skewed in favor of higher taxes and included only modest entitlement savings. He said he could go no further toward the middle, and that’s why his last offer was rejected,” Boehner said in a statement. Read more on John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It…
  your dystopian future is already here

Tennessee’s Health Care Plan: Call Now For A Chance to Apply For A Chance To Win

Here at Wonkette, we like to provide you with news you can use. Lately, we’ve been trying to keep a handy list of states we don’t want to live in ever, and we advise you Wonkigonians to avoid as well. We’ve already provided you with key reasons to get the hell out of Texas, Oklahoma, and North Dakota. We’re just going to keep this up until you liebruls have nowhere to go and have to stay in your effete East Coast enclaves. Today’s place to avoid is Tennessee, where healthcare for the poors has mutated into a hellish dialing for dollars scheme: Read more on Tennessee’s Health Care Plan: Call Now For A Chance to Apply For A Chance To Win…
  down the rabbit hole

Paul Ryan Unveils Budget, Makes ‘White Rabbit’ Our New National Anthem

It is budget season again in Washington, D.C., which means it is time for the villagers in our nation’s capital to pretend that a plan written by Congressman Paul Ryan, who was last seen on election night icing down his tuchus after being spanked hard by Barry Bamz and Old Handsome Joe Biden, is not the legislative equivalent of a rotting whale carcass washed up on a beach. We admit, sometimes your Wonkette struggles to dislike Paul Ryan. How can you dislike a guy with that shayna punim? Those soulful eyes! That hangdog expression! It is as if a bunny rabbit and a tree sloth had a baby, and then that baby had sex with pouty-lipped Scarlett Johansson, and then she had a baby, and that baby is the unholy but soooo adorable bunny rabbit/tree sloth/pouty-lipped Scarlett Johansson mash-up that is Paul Ryan! Then words begin spewing out of the mouth hole of the unholy Paul Ryan thing and you want to scream “What part of shut the fuck up and go the fuck away, Paul Ryan, do you not understand?” Read more on Paul Ryan Unveils Budget, Makes ‘White Rabbit’ Our New National Anthem…