Medicare

Yesterday, we brought you the story of a real death panel, the Florida Legislature, whose continued refusal to expand Medicaid is literally — the literal kind of literally — killing people. Or not, say the teabaggers, because after all the poors can always go to the ER, and then we can bitch about all those […]

“Hey, Hey, LBJ! How much Taxpayer Money did you waste on social engineering today?” chanted no one ever. And yet both of our Christian-oriented textbooks for homeschoolers might leave the modern student thinking that the most controversial thing about the 36th president was all that spending he did. Today, we will learn how Lyndon Johnson […]

America is broke, people. Flat-busted broke. We’re cutting school lunches, because everyone knows kids don’t need lunches to grow — they just photosynthesize or something. We’re kicking people off the unemployment rolls because everyone knows that makes you magically get a job where there were no jobs before, taker. Now it is time for us […]

Recovering from a recent quadruple bypass, Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe explained that he would not have survived if he had been in a country with “socialized medicine like Obama is trying to impose upon America,” because insurance kills people. The 79-year-old senator is apparently unaware that millions of people his age are using government-run healthcare […]

Amoebic dysentery vector Laura Ingraham is not one bit pleased with how Barack Obama has made waits at airports longer, because it is just like waiting for a hip replacement. Never mind that most folks old enough to need a hip replacement are on Medicare, which isn’t even the Affordable Care Act, and that the […]

Good afternoon. We come together in solemnity on this solemn Memorial Day of solemnitude to rap at ya about Obamacare, and how it will kill you dead … WITH GREAT PRICES! Taking the Point that Obamacare is awesome, because “California,” will be your Editrix. Taking the Counterpoint that Yes it is, even though he lives […]

Back in November, the United States held an election that you might have heard about. And in that election one B. Barry Bamz trounced the ever loving shit out of some dude, what was his name, the guy with the hair? Unfortunately, the hair guy’s party held on to the House of Representatives and its […]

Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama! “Despite talk […]

Here at Wonkette, we like to provide you with news you can use. Lately, we’ve been trying to keep a handy list of states we don’t want to live in ever, and we advise you Wonkigonians to avoid as well. We’ve already provided you with key reasons to get the hell out of Texas, Oklahoma, […]

It is budget season again in Washington, D.C., which means it is time for the villagers in our nation’s capital to pretend that a plan written by Congressman Paul Ryan, who was last seen on election night icing down his tuchus after being spanked hard by Barry Bamz and Old Handsome Joe Biden, is not […]

They tried to warn us. “Government out of my Medicare!” they said. “Something about socialized medicine and Dr. Mengele,” said they. But did we listen? Or did we just howl with laughter? WELL NO ONE’S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY. And that is because Barack Hussein Nobumer has criminalized being old, in the form of raiding The […]

Guess what happens when middle aged people are given a $400-per-month voucher to purchase health care in the Free Market. Guess! Just guess! Did you guess?

Look at President Obama, prancing around, putting forth “unserious” proposals to keep us from falling off the so-called “fiscal cliff.” What—did he win an election or something? Because that’s what he’s acting like, and John Boehner wants him to TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH MR PRESIDENT SIR, and propose something that’s more like what the […]

Oh finally, Rick Santorum has written a column on the Hill, weighing in on the election and What It Means! And What It Means is that the GOP will FINALLY, after all this time, cooperate with President Obama on cutting Social Security and privatizing Medicare. So the fact that Americans went to the polls and […]

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have […]