Medicare

Back in November, the United States held an election that you might have heard about. And in that election one B. Barry Bamz trounced the ever loving shit out of some dude, what was his name, the guy with the hair? Unfortunately, the hair guy’s party held on to the House of Representatives and its [...]

Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama! “Despite talk [...]

Here at Wonkette, we like to provide you with news you can use. Lately, we’ve been trying to keep a handy list of states we don’t want to live in ever, and we advise you Wonkigonians to avoid as well. We’ve already provided you with key reasons to get the hell out of Texas, Oklahoma, [...]

It is budget season again in Washington, D.C., which means it is time for the villagers in our nation’s capital to pretend that a plan written by Congressman Paul Ryan, who was last seen on election night icing down his tuchus after being spanked hard by Barry Bamz and Old Handsome Joe Biden, is not [...]

They tried to warn us. “Government out of my Medicare!” they said. “Something about socialized medicine and Dr. Mengele,” said they. But did we listen? Or did we just howl with laughter? WELL NO ONE’S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY. And that is because Barack Hussein Nobumer has criminalized being old, in the form of raiding The [...]

Guess what happens when middle aged people are given a $400-per-month voucher to purchase health care in the Free Market. Guess! Just guess! Did you guess?

Look at President Obama, prancing around, putting forth “unserious” proposals to keep us from falling off the so-called “fiscal cliff.” What—did he win an election or something? Because that’s what he’s acting like, and John Boehner wants him to TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH MR PRESIDENT SIR, and propose something that’s more like what the [...]

Oh finally, Rick Santorum has written a column on the Hill, weighing in on the election and What It Means! And What It Means is that the GOP will FINALLY, after all this time, cooperate with President Obama on cutting Social Security and privatizing Medicare. So the fact that Americans went to the polls and [...]

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have [...]

There was a spot of bother and a hullabaloo yesterday when Old Handsome Joe Biden said “chains,” His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney called Barack Obama full of “hate,” the Obama campaign called Mittens “unhinged,” and Mittens said nuh uh you are. (For the record, we didn’t buy Bamz’s people’s “unhinged” slur; Mittens, to [...]

Oh goodie, the Very Serious Campaign About Our Series National Issues that was predicted after Mitt Romney’s selection of Paul Ryan is proceeding just as expected with this ad, in which the Romney-Ryan campaign explains to seniors that it’s Obama who guts Medicare, not the Paul Ryan-worshipping Republican party. We explained this paper-thin plan of [...]

Hey, remember when all those Tea Partiers got arrested at all the Democrats’ town hall meetings two years ago? Oh, you don’t, because none of them were arrested for, say, disturbing the peace, even though they had purposely coordinated not to make themselves heard but to drown out their Democratic congresspeople? Weird. Well, the longtime [...]

Serial scumball Newt Gingrich and banal grifter idiot Herman Cain held some kind of “modified Lincoln Douglas style debate” Saturday night, which attracted exactly as much media attention as Newt Gingrich desperately blathering reasons why he deserves Herman Cain’s veep pick on a Saturday night as you’d expect. There was exactly one fun part, when [...]

Dull little rich boy Mitt Romney can’t get Republicans to love him, because he loves the Wrong Jesus and also was the creator of Obamacare in Taxachusetts. The news media, meanwhile, will only write about where Herman Cain would’ve liked to stick his dong, and the money he paid to silence the ladies about his [...]

There are a bunch of “insane things Tom Coburn said in one single day” floating around on the Internet for some reason (August news cycles), so let us do a neat little paraphrase to sum up his wingnut brain diarrhea spree: “The end of the world is in 16 months, I will shoot everybody in [...]


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