Good news! If you live any of the states that is not one of the lame ones—that is, one of fourteen that is cool with marijuana for medical whatever—then Obama will not arrest you for that. “Two Justice Department officials described the new policy to The Associated Press, saying prosecutors will be told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state laws.” Bush did this exact thing actually: he would arrest people even if they were complying with their states’ own laws. Because that is stupid, Obama obviously thinks it is stupid, and will no longer do it. States’ rights: this is literally the Civil War!! [AP]

Barry Obama promised to answer the most popular user-submitted Internet questions during his ongoing “Online Town Hall” today, which is simply a feed of a regular real-life town hall — NO ROBOTS AT ALL. Anyway, since all anyone on the Internet wanted to know was whether he would let them smoke marijuana without getting arrested, he had to respond in some kind of dismissive, rapid, jokey way — because marijuana is so awkward and wacky, fucking stoners, ha ha ha! — and that’s precisely what he did. Good to know that he takes these gimmicky online ideas so seriously. MORE »

This sad lady does pot because her back esploded and she doesn’t want to be a criminal anymore. Note the strange time-lapse visual effects that make you, the viewer, experience the same strange “LSD trails” that are a hallmark of the dangerous drug called marijuana. Other effects include meth mouth, baby sales, and penile ossification. [Minnesotans for Compassionate Care/YouTube] MORE »

You may remember wheel-chaired muscular dystrophy patient Clayton Holton from that time he asked Mitt Romney to legalize medical pot, and Mitt Romney was all like, “This is me walking in the other direction now.” But Holton’s quest for legal pot doesn’t end there; he’s also been taped asking Hillary Clinton (”we’ll look into it, sweet cheeks”), John McCain (”I know what you want, and no”), Ron Paul (”BWAH bwah superhighway BWAH”) and others. Holton is part of Granite Staters, which advocates — here comes a shocker — legalizing medical marijuana. Their website gives grades to each candidate’s stance on the matter, which basically splits into Democrats getting A’s and Republicans F’s. We aren’t so sure about this report card, and its… its damn liberal grade inflations! So after the jump, a Wonkette chart wades through the Granite Staters’ easy grading. MORE »

Mitt Romney finds himself in a social conservative’s dystopia in this must-see (via Radar). The disabled fellow presents Romney with a case for medical marijuana’s legality in certain scenarios; his is mostly “Everything about my life is fucked except when it involves pot.” Romney empathizes, consults his spiritual philosopher-magicians and ultimately Says No To The Pots.

Mitt Romney Hates Weed, the Disabled [Radar]