Tag Archives: medical marijuana

  First Doob No Harm

New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie

Cancer patients have a lot of laughs too!
In yet another sign that the Apotcalypse is nearly upon us, the recently confirmed surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, said on national television that marijuana just might not be a demon weed that inevitably leads mild-mannered accountants to go on murderous rampages, fourth graders mainlining heroin, or college sophomores reading Ayn Rand. Read more on New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie…
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Governor Rauner Will Let Illinois Grow Ganja, For Your Health

Illinois now, basically
Republican gazillionaire and super-expensive wine enthusiast Bruce Rauner has a long history of being a total jerk-faced jerk, even though he has only been governor of Illinois for about five and half seconds. But high five for this one, gov: Read more on GOP Governor Rauner Will Let Illinois Grow Ganja, For Your Health…
  Smoke your medicine

Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!

It's for SCIENCE
Now that every single person in Colorado is hiiiiiiiigh on the reefer — except for lawyers; no weed for you, esquires — the state is going to invest your hard-earned pot dollars in scientific research to find out just how freakin’ awesome medical marijuana really is: Read more on Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!…
  not quite a thousand points of light

Wonkette Lifeboat: Your Hope-Enabling Election Results

Wednesday was one long day of avoiding the news, Wonketteers, and we understand if you’ve been busy numbing your pain by shopping for shoes or guzzling dark-colored liquors, but we would be remiss if we didn’t draw your attention to a few distant bits of flickering light, barely visible through the haze of unregulated coal emissions and hog farm waste pond fumes. In our wanderings in the ruins of this week’s election results, we have found a few things intact to help you remember that you can and will feel Hope again. Scott Brown, Non-Senator, Will Be Forever Haunted By The Great Pumpkin Riot We had Fox News on here in the Washington Bureau on Election Night, so it took them a couple extra hours, but eventually even they called the New Hampshire Senate race for Jeanne Shaheen. Four percent isn’t an insurmountable margin, so Scott Brown’s got to be asking himself: what else could I have done? More donuts for the volunteers? Bigger lawn signs for the people who didn’t want to do anything useful? Another sixer downed with the tailgaters? Let us help you out there, Scott. We can tell you exactly where you went wrong. In Keene, New Hampshire, 10 days before the election, you had an opportunity to bravely lead when drunk pumpkin mobs ran wild, menacing the tax-paying residents of Keene all around the Pumpkin Festival where you were electioneering. You could have climbed on an overturned car to address the crowd as a statesman who also speaks fluent Bro and convinced the hooligans to take their beers and go back to Chad’s porch and have a good time instead of throwing skateboards at the cops. You could have been a hero, but instead you tucked your pumpkin under your arm and ran. The people of New Hampshire need a senator who will wade into the fray to protect the community and isn’t just out to save his own gourd. Minimum Wage Workers In Four States Will Get A Raise They Will Probably Blow On Food, Rent (Sorry, Illinois) Minimum wage increases were passed by popular vote in Alaska, Arkansas, Nebraska, and South Dakota, enjoying margins that any political party would kill for. After years of talk from national Republicans, including wannabe presidents, about doing away with the minimum wage, voters came together across party lines to say that people who get paid less than anyone else deserve a raise. Voters in Illinois tried to do the same, overwhelmingly endorsing a non-binding resolution to increase their minimum wage. To go into effect, it will require the passage of legislation complete with signature from the state’s brand new Republican “CEO” governor, so we’ll be watching for that to never happen for the next four years. Two States and One “State” Freed the Weed (Sorry, Florida) Despite a strong showing in Florida, medical marijuana came up just short of passage: as a constitutional amendment, it needed 60 percent and got 58, close enough to suggest that advocates will be back. Florida should try to take inspiration from Oregon, where voters managed to legalize recreational marijuana on the second try with some minor tweaks, like a cap of eight ounces per person rather than no limit at all.  In Alaska, where the governor’s race is still too close to call at the time of this writing, voters approved a ballot question calling for a Marijuana Control Board to facilitate sales and regulation of pot by a comfortable 4 points. In Washington, DC, 69 percent of voters approved marijuana legalization, following ordinances passed in recent years by the mayor and city council to allow for medical marijuana and to decriminalize minor possession. If it was a state, the District would be a pothead’s paradise, but certain members of the House Republican Caucus have made it their business to derail DC laws they don’t agree with, including recent changes to marijuana policy. We’ve never met these congressmen, who find themselves to the right of Rand Paul on this issue, since the districts they were actually elected to represent are quite a distance from Washington. We’re looking forward to hearing these small-government conservatives argue in favor of federal intervention to nullify the actions of local government. Democrats Haven’t Lost A Senate Seat In Virginia Technically, Republican Ed Gillespie hasn’t lost either, since no winner has been declared yet. With 99.88 percent of precincts reporting on Wednesday evening, incumbent Democrat Mark Warner held a lead of seven-tenths of one percent, well outside of the margin where state law allows for a recount. Even if every single vote that remains uncounted goes in Gillespie’s favor, it won’t get him to the Recount Zone, so at this point we’re just waiting for the concession speech. (We predict a fiery performance that suddenly grabs the national spotlight and a swift appointment as Senior Fellow following a bidding war among the right-wing think tanks.) The recount lawyers for both parties in Virginia are expected to remain in their bio-pods, ready to be activated in a state that remains liable to break out in a recount at any moment. So don’t despair, Wonketteers — the world is not all darkness and doom. There are even some reasons to believe access to reproductive health care won’t be totally destroyed by our new Republican overlords. Voters in North Dakota and Colorado soundly rejected “personhood” measures to outlaw all abortion and many forms of birth control, so that’s good! Also, the Senate’s Jester-Elect Joni Ernst will personally provide you with free contraceptive measures, as long as you are a male pig. You can follow Beth on Twitter.  
  don't bogart the vote

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the “District of Columbia.” America, what has gotten into you? It’s almost like rational adults started interpreting statistics that say marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol to mean that they should maybe try making pot not such a huge crime. Read more on Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?…
  everybody must get stoned

Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You

Florida: This could be us but you playin'.
On Tuesday, Floridians have an important decision to make at the polls. No, not whether they prefer Medicare fraudster Rick “Bat Boy” Scott or walking bottle of bronzer Charlie Crist as their next governor. We’re thinking of a much more important issue: Should Florida legalize medical marijuana? Read more on Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You…
  Vote: It's Your Civic Doobie

Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island

Her name is Anne Armstrong, and while she says she’s going to be the next governor of Rhode Island, we’re thinking probably not. For one, she’s a write-in candidate, so unless her name is Lisa Murkowski and she’s running as a write-in for Alaska senator, her chances of victory are … let’s see … zero? Yes, our gay math wizards tell us her chances are zero. In fact, pollsters for some strange reason haven’t even bothered to include her name in their polling calculations. Read more on Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island…
  Your morning cup of wut?

‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use

We have good news (weed and boobs) and bad news (Dana Milbank). Which do you want first? Too bad, here’s what you’re getting. Now that Duck Dynasty Derphead Phil Robertson is tourin’ the teevee to sell his “book,” we’ll probably be suffering through many of his deep thoughts. Like what Jesus would say about fightin’ terra-rists: Read more on ‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Nice time: Gettin' hiiiiiiiigh edition

House Votes For Sane Marijuana Thing, And We’re Still Mad Anyway

So the House did an amazingly rational thing — yes, we are all quite shocked, quite — and voted to prohibit “the DEA from spending funds to arrest state-licensed medical marijuana patients.” Hooray! We can smoke ‘em if we got ‘em for medical reasons! The bill passed with bipartisan support, 219-189. Finally, Democrats and Republicans can agree on something. As Rep. Dana Rohrabacher so perfectly stated, it “should be a no-brainer,” especially for states’ rights loving conservatives. Which is why he so eloquently and compassionately freedomsplained: “Some people are suffering and if a doctor feels that he needs to prescribe something to alleviate that suffering it is immoral for this government to get in the way,” Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) said. “And that’s what’s happening. The state governments have recognized that a doctor has a right to treat his patient in any way he sees fit and so did our founding fathers. I ask for support for my amendment.” Good point, sir. Quite noble to acknowledge that a doctor should be able to treat “his” (not her, of course) patient, just like Thomas Jesus Jefferson wanted and that to interfere with that most holy of private relationships is in fact immoral. Rohrabacher also debunked the junk science mentioned by some of his Republican colleagues who are proud graduates of the Acme School of Medicine for Wingnuts that marijuana has no medical benefits. “Over half the states have already gone through every argument that was presented and decided against what you just heard,” Rohrabacher argued. “There are doctors in every one of those states that participated in a long debate over this and found exactly the opposite of what we’ve heard today.” How could you argue with doctors? And science? And after all, as conservatives who believe in states’ rights, who is the federal government to tell those states what to do? Especially when it is a private matter between doctors and patients about how to best address their needs. Who indeed. Read more on House Votes For Sane Marijuana Thing, And We’re Still Mad Anyway…
  there must be some misunderstanding officer

Mean Old Colorado Will Not Let This Hero Hindu Preacher Lady Sell You Sex And Weed

Some people are only able to help the world in one measly way, like writing dick jokes on the internet. Some people, however, are doubleheaded helpers, and want to give the world both spiritual guidance and also too medical help. Take, for instance, one Melody Kenyon of Colorado. Helping hands healer person Ms. Kenyon was arrested for prostitution when all she was doing was trying to help pull energy out of an undercover police officer’s penis and now it is just this travesty, this sham, this shamnesty of a conviction that will prevent her from offering the sweet succor of marijuana to Coloradoanians everywhere. Read more on Mean Old Colorado Will Not Let This Hero Hindu Preacher Lady Sell You Sex And Weed…
  no pot to piss in

D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals

Yeah, this one’s not going to cause any rightwing freakouts: A proposal in the District of Columbia would require that marijuana dispensaries set aside 2% of profits to assist low-income people with medical marijuana purchases. Tell us about it, Washington Times: Under the regulatory proposal, dispensaries would give at least a 20 percent discount on marijuana to low-income people at or below 200 percent of the federal poverty level. Clinics often offer lower prices to poor patients, and states that allow medical marijuana often encourage discounts for low-income patients. But Allen St. Pierre, executive director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, said no state has inserted this type of provision into regulations. “This rule is totally unprecedented in the medical marijuana community,” he said. Can’t imagine that this is going to end up being one of those D.C. home-rule things that Congress feels obliged to step in and crush, no, not at all. Read more on D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals…
  everybody must get stoned

Chris Christie May Or May Not Protect New Jersey’s Very Ill Youth From Scourge Of Medical Pot

There’s likely a considerable Venn diagram overlap between regular Wonkette readers and people who are down with the medicinal Mary Jane. Mebbe you are not so much into the indulging, but you are probably not terrified that legal weed is the end of civilization because you are not our grandparents. But, on the slim chance you have complex feels about the whole thing, Chris Christie is your spirit animal. See, New Jersey already passed isself a bill that would make it a tiny bit less hard to get edible marijuana for your child’s horrible illness, but Chris Christie is not sure that he will sign it because he just changed his Facebook status on medicinal weed to It’s Complicated: Read more on Chris Christie May Or May Not Protect New Jersey’s Very Ill Youth From Scourge Of Medical Pot…
  civic doobies

Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed

Your average American is far too savvy a consumer to just go and do things because it’s a “civic duty” or whatever. These are people who won’t even buy a 12-pack of soda unless it’s on an endcap at the supermarket and is being pushed at 50 percent off, so why should they go to some gross elementary school gymnasium and vote for President, or, worse, “neighborhood council,” which sounds like something out of a terrible reality show, just for the privilege of feeling good about themselves as citizens? Well, the gentle hipsters in Eagle Rock, which is a part of Los Angeles, have figured out a way to lure people to democracy: by giving away $40 worth of medical marijuana to anyone who can bring in proof of voting! Read more on Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed…
  siding with the pointy-haired boss

Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Murderer Romney To Fight Murder

Scott Adams became famous by using his comic strip Dilbert to satirize life as a cubicle-drone. He crafted the characters as hopeless, tie-wearing corporate types who have long since given up fighting the inefficient bureaucracy in which they operate. It makes people feel better — it’s an office they can relate to, sure, but they can also laugh at how exaggeratedly stupid it is there. Adams appears to be offering the same catharsis to people who try to use analogies. It’s time for President Obama to be “fired,” he wrote yesterday, because of his crackdown on marijuana offenders who are obeying state law in California but defying federal law. He (of course) compares the situation to a corporate office: What if there was a CEO whom you liked, who was doing a good job, but who you found out had murdered a guy and gotten away with it. Should that guy be fired? It’s not crazy to say “yeah, fire the stabby guy even if he’s good at things,” which is exactly what Adams is saying about the presidential race — Obama is ruining people’s lives over weed, and he should be fired. Which is dumb. Read more on Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Murderer Romney To Fight Murder…
  founding potheads

Smoke Em If You Got Em: Appeals Court To Decide Whether You Can Get Hiiiiighhhh

In a CLEARLY partisan move, a federal court is going to review “evidence” and “science” and listen to a bunch of “doctors” so they can decide once and for all if the American people should be free to get highhhhhhh. For the first time in 20 years, a federal court will review scientific evidence on the therapeutic value of marijuana, as a legal challenge by a group of doctors, medical professionals and patients makes its way to the U.S. court of appeals in Washington, D.C., next week. Read more on Smoke Em If You Got Em: Appeals Court To Decide Whether You Can Get Hiiiiighhhh…
  obfuscation sensation

Head DEA Agent Sticking To Story: Jazz Drugs Will Make You Rape White Women Or Something (Video)

There was a video posted online yesterday, friends. A video showcasing such unparalleled gall, such an absurd devotion to nonsensical untruths, that it could have only come from one place: Congress. It is a video of Colorado Congressman Jared Polis taking a large, thick-streamed whiz on whatever credibility the Drug Enforcement Administration had left — he put out every last ember of seriousness, every possible contention that the government had logic on its side in the marijuana debate, and still had enough left in the tank to write his name in the snow. Read more on Head DEA Agent Sticking To Story: Jazz Drugs Will Make You Rape White Women Or Something (Video)…
  mad dad

Mitt Romney Loses His Cool

We think this might have been how Bing Crosby looked when he got too much Scotch in him and started beating on his wife and kids. What brings the scary early scenes of The Stepfather out of mild-mannered Mittens? QUESTIONS! Questions about gay marriage, and children of undocumented workers getting in-state tuition, and medical marijuana, specifically! Don’t you want to ask any questions of significance? he asks the CBS reporter in Colorado — where, in fact, those are all issues of significance! At about two minutes in, his voice rises with stress, he interrupts repeatedly, he starts to get more and more carried away — he’s no Ted Nugent, that is clear, and no one gets raped or fellated in the angry interview — but he looks to be malfunctioning under his bio-inspired material resembling skin, his lips curled in a hate-smile pasted over his angry, anxious face. Then he gets it together again, because he is running for office for Pete’s sake, and you can stop watching. Read more on Mitt Romney Loses His Cool…
  time to cancer up

DC Council Smart Alecks Vote To Legalize Medical Marijuana On 4/20

Happy National Marijuana Day, hippies, because you will soon be able to get marijuana legally if you’re all fukk’d up and dying: “The D.C. Council unanimously approved a bill Tuesday to allow chronically ill patients to receive a doctor’s prescription to use marijuana and buy it from a city-sanctioned distribution center. Under the bill, which passed without debate, a patient who suffers from HIV, glaucoma, cancer or a ‘chronic and lasting disease’ may receive a doctor’s recommendation to possess up to 2 ounces of marijuana in a 30-day period.” Make your picks now for which congressman will pick up the ol’ penny on the sidewalk and pretend to try to block this for a few days. [Washington Post] Read more on DC Council Smart Alecks Vote To Legalize Medical Marijuana On 4/20…
  daily briefing

Everyone Do Some Celebratory ‘Stoner Culture Thing’ In Honor Of New Jersey!

Medical marijuana is now legal in the nearby state of New Jersey! This is a thing MTV orchestrated, for its popular Jersey Shore documentary series. [New York Times] Miep Gies, the very nice Dutch lady who hid Anne Frank and her family from the cast of Jersey Shore, has died at 100. [Washington Post] Read more on Everyone Do Some Celebratory ‘Stoner Culture Thing’ In Honor Of New Jersey!…
  agricultural policy shifts

No Worries If You Want To Smoke Because Obama Is So Chill About It

Good news! If you live any of the states that is not one of the lame ones—that is, one of fourteen that is cool with marijuana for medical whatever—then Obama will not arrest you for that. “Two Justice Department officials described the new policy to The Associated Press, saying prosecutors will be told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state laws.” Bush did this exact thing actually: he would arrest people even if they were complying with their states’ own laws. Because that is stupid, Obama obviously thinks it is stupid, and will no longer do it. States’ rights: this is literally the Civil War!! [AP] Read more on No Worries If You Want To Smoke Because Obama Is So Chill About It…
  people on the internet

Obama Responds To Online Pot Army As Dismissively As Possible

Barry Obama promised to answer the most popular user-submitted Internet questions during his ongoing “Online Town Hall” today, which is simply a feed of a regular real-life town hall — NO ROBOTS AT ALL. Anyway, since all anyone on the Internet wanted to know was whether he would let them smoke marijuana without getting arrested, he had to respond in some kind of dismissive, rapid, jokey way — because marijuana is so awkward and wacky, fucking stoners, ha ha ha! — and that’s precisely what he did. Good to know that he takes these gimmicky online ideas so seriously. Read more on Obama Responds To Online Pot Army As Dismissively As Possible…