Tag Archives: medical marijuana

  it won’t hurt a bit we swear

Step Right Up And Get Your Vaginal Probe: Your Florida Roundup

So you guys already know how dumb Florida is. But can you imagine how dumb Florida’s community colleges are? No you cannot. Here, have a gander: Two Florida college students say they were forced to submit to vaginal probes as part of a medical training program and were threatened with blacklisting if they declined. Read more on Step Right Up And Get Your Vaginal Probe: Your Florida Roundup…
  Live free and lose your kids

Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now

Suppose you are a medical marijuana advocate, having successfully used cannabis oil to treat your own Crohn’s Disease. And suppose you lived for a time in Colorado, where medical marijuana is legal, but then, because fate apparently hates you, you were sentenced to move to the ugly state next door, Kansas, where marijuana in all its forms is illegal. And suppose you have an 11-year-old son who was forced to endure a fact-free anti-drug session at school, where he decided to point out that, hey, some of reefer madness talking points are not true. Would you think the state would take your child from you that day? Because that’s what happened to Shona Banda of Wichita: Read more on Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

Cataracts, obviously
If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the documentary [“WEED 3″]if he supports the goals of a historic Senate bill introduced in March that seeks to make several major changes in federal law, including drastically reducing the federal government’s ability to crack down on state-legal medical marijuana programs, encouraging more research into the plant and reclassifying marijuana as a less dangerous drug. Read more on President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’…
  One Toke Over The Party Line

Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)

The latest Stoned Pony
To bring to life the old cliché that libertarians are just Republicans who want to get high, a couple of conservatives have unexpectedly supported various changes to marijuana laws this week. What’s more, there’s even a bill in the U.S. Senate to end the federal ban on medical weed and reclassify marijuana’s legal status from a Schedule 1 to a Schedule 2 drug, thus “allowing doctors to recommend its use in some cases to veterans, expanding access to researchers and making it easier for banks to provide services to the industry.” Read more on Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)…
  First Doob No Harm

New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie

Cancer patients have a lot of laughs too!
In yet another sign that the Apotcalypse is nearly upon us, the recently confirmed surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, said on national television that marijuana just might not be a demon weed that inevitably leads mild-mannered accountants to go on murderous rampages, fourth graders mainlining heroin, or college sophomores reading Ayn Rand. Read more on New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie…
  Smoke your medicine

Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!

It's for SCIENCE
Now that every single person in Colorado is hiiiiiiiigh on the reefer — except for lawyers; no weed for you, esquires — the state is going to invest your hard-earned pot dollars in scientific research to find out just how freakin’ awesome medical marijuana really is: Read more on Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!…
  don't bogart the vote

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the “District of Columbia.” America, what has gotten into you? It’s almost like rational adults started interpreting statistics that say marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol to mean that they should maybe try making pot not such a huge crime. Read more on Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?…
  everybody must get stoned

Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You

Florida: This could be us but you playin'.
On Tuesday, Floridians have an important decision to make at the polls. No, not whether they prefer Medicare fraudster Rick “Bat Boy” Scott or walking bottle of bronzer Charlie Crist as their next governor. We’re thinking of a much more important issue: Should Florida legalize medical marijuana? Read more on Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You…
  Vote: It's Your Civic Doobie

Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island

Her name is Anne Armstrong, and while she says she’s going to be the next governor of Rhode Island, we’re thinking probably not. For one, she’s a write-in candidate, so unless her name is Lisa Murkowski and she’s running as a write-in for Alaska senator, her chances of victory are … let’s see … zero? Yes, our gay math wizards tell us her chances are zero. In fact, pollsters for some strange reason haven’t even bothered to include her name in their polling calculations. Read more on Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island…
  Your morning cup of wut?

‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Actual photo from Sermon on the Mount
We have good news (weed and boobs) and bad news (Dana Milbank). Which do you want first? Too bad, here’s what you’re getting. Now that Duck Dynasty Derphead Phil Robertson is tourin’ the teevee to sell his “book,” we’ll probably be suffering through many of his deep thoughts. Like what Jesus would say about fightin’ terra-rists: Read more on ‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Nice time: Gettin' hiiiiiiiigh edition

House Votes For Sane Marijuana Thing, And We’re Still Mad Anyway

So the House did an amazingly rational thing — yes, we are all quite shocked, quite — and voted to prohibit “the DEA from spending funds to arrest state-licensed medical marijuana patients.” Hooray! We can smoke ’em if we got ’em for medical reasons! The bill passed with bipartisan support, 219-189. Finally, Democrats and Republicans can agree on something. As Rep. Dana Rohrabacher so perfectly stated, it “should be a no-brainer,” especially for states’ rights loving conservatives. Which is why he so eloquently and compassionately freedomsplained: “Some people are suffering and if a doctor feels that he needs to prescribe something to alleviate that suffering it is immoral for this government to get in the way,” Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) said. “And that’s what’s happening. The state governments have recognized that a doctor has a right to treat his patient in any way he sees fit and so did our founding fathers. I ask for support for my amendment.” Good point, sir. Quite noble to acknowledge that a doctor should be able to treat “his” (not her, of course) patient, just like Thomas Jesus Jefferson wanted and that to interfere with that most holy of private relationships is in fact immoral. Rohrabacher also debunked the junk science mentioned by some of his Republican colleagues who are proud graduates of the Acme School of Medicine for Wingnuts that marijuana has no medical benefits. “Over half the states have already gone through every argument that was presented and decided against what you just heard,” Rohrabacher argued. “There are doctors in every one of those states that participated in a long debate over this and found exactly the opposite of what we’ve heard today.” How could you argue with doctors? And science? And after all, as conservatives who believe in states’ rights, who is the federal government to tell those states what to do? Especially when it is a private matter between doctors and patients about how to best address their needs. Who indeed. Read more on House Votes For Sane Marijuana Thing, And We’re Still Mad Anyway…
  there must be some misunderstanding officer

Mean Old Colorado Will Not Let This Hero Hindu Preacher Lady Sell You Sex And Weed

Some people are only able to help the world in one measly way, like writing dick jokes on the internet. Some people, however, are doubleheaded helpers, and want to give the world both spiritual guidance and also too medical help. Take, for instance, one Melody Kenyon of Colorado. Helping hands healer person Ms. Kenyon was arrested for prostitution when all she was doing was trying to help pull energy out of an undercover police officer’s penis and now it is just this travesty, this sham, this shamnesty of a conviction that will prevent her from offering the sweet succor of marijuana to Coloradoanians everywhere. Read more on Mean Old Colorado Will Not Let This Hero Hindu Preacher Lady Sell You Sex And Weed…
  no pot to piss in

D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals

Yeah, this one’s not going to cause any rightwing freakouts: A proposal in the District of Columbia would require that marijuana dispensaries set aside 2% of profits to assist low-income people with medical marijuana purchases. Tell us about it, Washington Times: Under the regulatory proposal, dispensaries would give at least a 20 percent discount on marijuana to low-income people at or below 200 percent of the federal poverty level. Clinics often offer lower prices to poor patients, and states that allow medical marijuana often encourage discounts for low-income patients. But Allen St. Pierre, executive director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, said no state has inserted this type of provision into regulations. “This rule is totally unprecedented in the medical marijuana community,” he said. Can’t imagine that this is going to end up being one of those D.C. home-rule things that Congress feels obliged to step in and crush, no, not at all. Read more on D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals…
  everybody must get stoned

Chris Christie May Or May Not Protect New Jersey’s Very Ill Youth From Scourge Of Medical Pot

There’s likely a considerable Venn diagram overlap between regular Wonkette readers and people who are down with the medicinal Mary Jane. Mebbe you are not so much into the indulging, but you are probably not terrified that legal weed is the end of civilization because you are not our grandparents. But, on the slim chance you have complex feels about the whole thing, Chris Christie is your spirit animal. See, New Jersey already passed isself a bill that would make it a tiny bit less hard to get edible marijuana for your child’s horrible illness, but Chris Christie is not sure that he will sign it because he just changed his Facebook status on medicinal weed to It’s Complicated: Read more on Chris Christie May Or May Not Protect New Jersey’s Very Ill Youth From Scourge Of Medical Pot…
  civic doobies

Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed

Your average American is far too savvy a consumer to just go and do things because it’s a “civic duty” or whatever. These are people who won’t even buy a 12-pack of soda unless it’s on an endcap at the supermarket and is being pushed at 50 percent off, so why should they go to some gross elementary school gymnasium and vote for President, or, worse, “neighborhood council,” which sounds like something out of a terrible reality show, just for the privilege of feeling good about themselves as citizens? Well, the gentle hipsters in Eagle Rock, which is a part of Los Angeles, have figured out a way to lure people to democracy: by giving away $40 worth of medical marijuana to anyone who can bring in proof of voting! Read more on Innovative Californians Discover Key To Boosting Voter Turnout: Free Weed…
  siding with the pointy-haired boss

Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Murderer Romney To Fight Murder

Scott Adams became famous by using his comic strip Dilbert to satirize life as a cubicle-drone. He crafted the characters as hopeless, tie-wearing corporate types who have long since given up fighting the inefficient bureaucracy in which they operate. It makes people feel better — it’s an office they can relate to, sure, but they can also laugh at how exaggeratedly stupid it is there. Adams appears to be offering the same catharsis to people who try to use analogies. It’s time for President Obama to be “fired,” he wrote yesterday, because of his crackdown on marijuana offenders who are obeying state law in California but defying federal law. He (of course) compares the situation to a corporate office: What if there was a CEO whom you liked, who was doing a good job, but who you found out had murdered a guy and gotten away with it. Should that guy be fired? It’s not crazy to say “yeah, fire the stabby guy even if he’s good at things,” which is exactly what Adams is saying about the presidential race — Obama is ruining people’s lives over weed, and he should be fired. Which is dumb. Read more on Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Murderer Romney To Fight Murder…
  founding potheads

Smoke Em If You Got Em: Appeals Court To Decide Whether You Can Get Hiiiiighhhh

In a CLEARLY partisan move, a federal court is going to review “evidence” and “science” and listen to a bunch of “doctors” so they can decide once and for all if the American people should be free to get highhhhhhh. For the first time in 20 years, a federal court will review scientific evidence on the therapeutic value of marijuana, as a legal challenge by a group of doctors, medical professionals and patients makes its way to the U.S. court of appeals in Washington, D.C., next week. Read more on Smoke Em If You Got Em: Appeals Court To Decide Whether You Can Get Hiiiiighhhh…
  obfuscation sensation

Head DEA Agent Sticking To Story: Jazz Drugs Will Make You Rape White Women Or Something (Video)

There was a video posted online yesterday, friends. A video showcasing such unparalleled gall, such an absurd devotion to nonsensical untruths, that it could have only come from one place: Congress. It is a video of Colorado Congressman Jared Polis taking a large, thick-streamed whiz on whatever credibility the Drug Enforcement Administration had left — he put out every last ember of seriousness, every possible contention that the government had logic on its side in the marijuana debate, and still had enough left in the tank to write his name in the snow. Read more on Head DEA Agent Sticking To Story: Jazz Drugs Will Make You Rape White Women Or Something (Video)…
  mad dad

Mitt Romney Loses His Cool

We think this might have been how Bing Crosby looked when he got too much Scotch in him and started beating on his wife and kids. What brings the scary early scenes of The Stepfather out of mild-mannered Mittens? QUESTIONS! Questions about gay marriage, and children of undocumented workers getting in-state tuition, and medical marijuana, specifically! Don’t you want to ask any questions of significance? he asks the CBS reporter in Colorado — where, in fact, those are all issues of significance! At about two minutes in, his voice rises with stress, he interrupts repeatedly, he starts to get more and more carried away — he’s no Ted Nugent, that is clear, and no one gets raped or fellated in the angry interview — but he looks to be malfunctioning under his bio-inspired material resembling skin, his lips curled in a hate-smile pasted over his angry, anxious face. Then he gets it together again, because he is running for office for Pete’s sake, and you can stop watching. Read more on Mitt Romney Loses His Cool…