Tag: medical marijuana

How Do You Find Medical Marijuana In Faraway Lands? There’s A Website For That!

Greetings Wonkerinos, we bring you glad tidings of great joy, and also legal medical marijuana, which, SCIENCE FACT, is a thing, at least in certain parts of the country! But what happens if you are, say, a human creature...
Huck would like to bitch and moan some more please.

Mike Huckabee Youth Outreach: Yelling At Stoners To Go Die In A War

As we all know from his heartless reactions to Syrian refugees and the way he covered up his son's dog-murder, Mike Huckabee is #FordTough. He ain't got time to listen to all you liberals saying, "I would like a...
DO NOT DO THAT, KIDS, IT IS A JOKE.

Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed

We've been hearing the arguments for years from the Reefer Madness crowd: If you legalize drugs, then EVERYBODY will get potted up on weed, because removing the "forbidden fruit" aspect from things always makes them more appealing. Well it turns...
Nice try, weedhead quadrilegics!

Colorado Supreme Court Solves Pressing Problem Of Stoner Quadriplegics In The Workplace

So now that Colorado has legalized people getting all potted up on weed for both medical and recreational purposes, you might think everything is mellow and awesome and Doritos sales are through the roof, right? You would think wrong,...

Step Right Up And Get Your Vaginal Probe: Your Florida Roundup

So you guys already know how dumb Florida is. But can you imagine how dumb Florida’s community colleges are? No you cannot. Here, have a gander: Two Florida college students say they were forced to submit to vaginal probes as...

Cool, Kansas Is Ripping Kids Away From Medical Marijuana Advocates Now

Suppose you are a medical marijuana advocate, having successfully used cannabis oil to treat your own Crohn's Disease. And suppose you lived for a time in Colorado, where medical marijuana is legal, but then, because fate apparently hates you, you...
Happy birthday, you young thing!

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN's chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the...
The latest Stoned Pony

Suddenly Everyone* Wants To Legalize Weed (*Not Everyone)

To bring to life the old cliché that libertarians are just Republicans who want to get high, a couple of conservatives have unexpectedly supported various changes to marijuana laws this week. What's more, there's even a bill in the...
Cancer patients have a lot of laughs too!

New Surgeon General Will Get America Higher Than A Richard Linklater Movie

In yet another sign that the Apotcalypse is nearly upon us, the recently confirmed surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, said on national television that marijuana just might not be a demon weed that inevitably leads mild-mannered...
Thanks but no thanks

GOP Governor Rauner Will Let Illinois Grow Ganja, For Your Health

Republican gazillionaire and super-expensive wine enthusiast Bruce Rauner has a long history of being a total jerk-faced jerk, even though he has only been governor of Illinois for about five and half seconds. But high five for this one,...
It's for SCIENCE

Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!

Now that every single person in Colorado is hiiiiiiiigh on the reefer -- except for lawyers; no weed for you, esquires -- the state is going to invest your hard-earned pot dollars in scientific research to find out just...

Wonkette Lifeboat: Your Hope-Enabling Election Results

Wednesday was one long day of avoiding the news, Wonketteers, and we understand if you've been busy numbing your pain by shopping for shoes or guzzling dark-colored liquors, but we would be remiss if we didn't draw your attention...

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the "District of Columbia." America, what has gotten into you? It's almost like rational adults started interpreting...
Florida: This could be us but you playin'.

Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You

On Tuesday, Floridians have an important decision to make at the polls. No, not whether they prefer Medicare fraudster Rick “Bat Boy” Scott or walking bottle of bronzer Charlie Crist as their next governor. We’re thinking of a much...
"Gov." Anne Armstrong

Meet Your New Favorite Pot-Smoking Candidate For Governor Of Rhode Island

Her name is Anne Armstrong, and while she says she's going to be the next governor of Rhode Island, we're thinking probably not. For one, she's a write-in candidate, so unless her name is Lisa Murkowski and she's running...
Locked and Loaded for the Lord

‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use

We have good news (weed and boobs) and bad news (Dana Milbank). Which do you want first? Too bad, here's what you're getting. Now that Duck Dynasty Derphead Phil Robertson is tourin' the teevee to sell his "book," we'll probably...