Tag Archives: media

  game chang....zzzzzz

Campaign Reporters Officially Out Of Questions, Time For Everyone To Come Home

NEW: Romney just said that Augusta National should admit women as members, our @peterhambycnn reports. #GenderWars #tcot #tlot — Lisa Desjardins (@LisaDCNN) April 5, 2012 Romney says “of course” women should be admitted to Augusta National, per @GarrettNBCNews. — Mike O’Brien (@mpoindc) April 5, 2012 Romney just told reporters on the ropeline that women should be admitted to Augusta National — Peter Hamby (@PeterHambyCNN) April 5, 2012 Women at Augusta? Romney says “yes” – full report here:abcn.ws/HjiLGp — Emily Friedman (@EmilyABC) April 5, 2012 Well, here’s the big breaking news today: Mitt Romney answered the easiest question in history about the dumb issue of whether plutocratic female CEOs should be allowed to apply for membership at a golf course in Georgia. Read more on Campaign Reporters Officially Out Of Questions, Time For Everyone To Come Home…
  there's always the sunday funnies

Mitt Romney Criticizes Political Media For Cynical Games He Absolutely Loves Playing

Mitt Romney addressed an Associated Press luncheon today to chit-chat with his good friends, the reporters, who fawned over his every word. What do you think about us!, the giggling media children demanded. Do you like us?? OMG you hate us maybe??? And so, to the delight of this hard-nippled assembly of navel-gazers, Mittens shared a basic critique of the political media’s obvious shortcomings — superficial, cynical, smug, lazy, shitty sourcing, thoughtless, 100% wrong all the time. All the bad habits that the Romney campaign loves engaging reporters with, every day, basically. Read more on Mitt Romney Criticizes Political Media For Cynical Games He Absolutely Loves Playing…
  today on cable teevee

Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible

Sanctimonious screeching creep Keith Olbermann, whose ego isn’t the size of Jupiter but certainly is that of Jupiter’s largest moon, has been fired from his 757th job on television, for being horrible. Current TeeVee owner and other relatively liberal person Al Gore was the one who did the firing, in an explosive memo which arrived at the common conclusion that Keith Olbermann is someone with whom it’s impossible to work. His replacement — starting tonight — will be former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, last seen achieving the remarkable feat of being CNN’s most boring primetime host and, before that, constantly having sex with prostitutes. But but but, you will inevitably say in the comments because that’s what you always do on Olbermann posts, Keith Olbermann was the only thing that kept me sane during the Bush administration, with his unwatchable 10-minute fake rants where he pretended to be Ed Murrow! Never understood it; can’t offer you much help in that regard. Read more on Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible…
  win win win win win

BREAKING: POLITICO SCOOP: ‘Politico’ Makes Hilarious Error

Oh dear, this poor POLITICO reporter was just trying to bring home the Hot Afternoon Scooplet to please her psychotic editors yesterday and — oops! — ended up making the funniest POLITICO error since that time they impregnated a Jonas brother over WHCD weekend. Everyone’s making fun of you right now, reporter Donovan Slack, and we’re going to have to do it too, but everyone screws up this badly sometimes. Well perhaps not this badly. The point is, take the rest of the day off and treat yourself to a few bottles of red wine. And then maybe spend a little time on Wikipedia looking up state flags? Read more on BREAKING: POLITICO SCOOP: ‘Politico’ Makes Hilarious Error…
  audiovisual vomit

Fox News Fool: Women in the Military Should ‘Expect’ to Get Raped

Now that we’re done talking about the sacred baby-making bodies of women and how wrong it is to want to help teenagers not ruin their lives and go on MTV to share the ruination with millions, Thinking America has moved on to the military, with the help of useless lump of matter Rick Santorum, to discuss how ridiculous it is that women want to work, let alone on the front lines, let alone in planes bigger than “small planes,” they being the only size of plane fit for the delicate flowers that make up half our population, according to Ricky. Now the insane Liz Trotta has gone on Fox News to defend freaks like Santorum, saying that women should “expect” to get raped or assaulted in the military because, well, “these people are in close contact.” Read more on Fox News Fool: Women in the Military Should ‘Expect’ to Get Raped…
  journamalism

WSJ To Obama: Some Poor Rich People Can’t Even Afford Private Jets At All

Does anyone seem to understand the fact that there are some very poor rich people out there who are not even wealthy enough to be able to afford a corporate jet? DOES ANYONE? Conservative tabloid The Wall Street Journal is not convinced that even the President of the United States knows this, so they typed out some important journalism that was titled, “Obama Calls People Making $250,000 a Year ‘Jet Owners.'” That’ll show him! Just more of the WSJ‘s typical Pulitzer-prize winning reporting, a job well done. EXCEPT THAT Obama never actually said this, at all, ever. Someone eventually noticed this and now the blog post is just titled with a dumb tip: “Note to Obama: $250,000-a-Year Earners Can’t Afford Jets.” Uh, thanks? Obama will try to remember not to close the tax loopholes on these peoples’ imaginary jets. Read more on WSJ To Obama: Some Poor Rich People Can’t Even Afford Private Jets At All…
  tune in to glenn beck at five!

Glenn Beck TV Is Just Video Of Him Doing His Radio Show

Professional whiner nutcase Glenn Beck announced that he will charge a monthly five-dollar subscription fee for viewers to log in to his latest online vanity project, GBTV.com. Does anyone even have five dollars anymore? Maybe some quarters in the couch cushions. What will a Glenn Beck fan get in exchange for putting off the trip to the laundromat for another week? It is probably the most brilliant idea in the history of television: video feed of Glenn Beck delivering his (free, syndicated) radio show. Worth every penny. Read more on Glenn Beck TV Is Just Video Of Him Doing His Radio Show…
  won't she or won't she or won't she or won't she

Generous Hillary Clinton Provides New ‘Not Running For President’ Story

Hillary Clinton was in Bahrain today, and because we live in a period of history after her husband’s presidency and before her death (from that most feminist of diseases, breast cancer, we presume), somebody asked her if she was interested in running for president. And because Hillary Clinton has yet to become mentally ill from hearing the same question over and over, as people ignore her actual, present existence, she politely answered, and now the media has a brand-new “Hillary Clinton denies running for Obama job!” story. “I think I’ll serve as secretary of state as my last public position, and then probably go back to advocacy work, particularly on behalf of women and children,” she said. So, she’s going to run for president of the women and children? Read more on Generous Hillary Clinton Provides New ‘Not Running For President’ Story…
  dick trickle

Olbermann Was Suspended For Not Apologizing For Being Olbermann

Keith Olbermann is just the sort of guy who would break a network rule against making campaign contributions, and he’s also the sort of guy who would refuse to go on air to apologize to his viewers for such a thing, and apparently this is why his primetime MSNBC show is now an hour-long presentation of Al Roker bloopers hosted by the “dun-dun” sound effect from Law and Order. There still hasn’t been word from the network on when, or if, Olbermann’s suspension will expire, but there is a serious lesson here people like Olbermann have to learn: Only giant corporations like General Electric are allowed to influence elections with campaign contributions, not their employees. Read more on Olbermann Was Suspended For Not Apologizing For Being Olbermann…
  the media did joe miller

Media Strumpet Sarah Palin Calls Media ‘Corrupt Bastards’

“Yo, fuck the media,” Sarah Palin says every morning, before going to work as a paid teevee media personality/shooting another episode of her reality teevee show, “Palin vs. Wild.” Do you see what’s happening here? The Media created Sarah Palin, and now this Alaskan Frankenstein creature has turned on them and will surely eat all their brains or maybe even call them mean names. And please stop feeling sorry for the media, because they totally deserve whatever Sarah Palin does to them, on Twitter. The media — especially in Alaska — has been plotting against Joe Miller since Day One. These soulless media hucksters are “corrupt bastards” who forced Joe Miller to compulsively lie and arrest people for asking questions. Truly despicable. Read more on Media Strumpet Sarah Palin Calls Media ‘Corrupt Bastards’…
  newspapers animals shit on

Crack Politico Investigative Reporters Discover ‘The Real Bo Obama’

Important news! According to Politico, Obama has a relative named “Bo Obama” who — no, wait, they’re talking about that fucking dog. Never mind. This publication put two whole reporters to work tracking down that dog’s trainer, because they are a newspaper that concerns itself with governmental affairs. And they called this article “THE REAL BO OBAMA,” as it’s important for journalists to look into the backgrounds of those who serve in our government as animals who shit on the White House lawn. How big is this story? Politico‘s featured poll on their website asks, “Do you think Bo Obama is a good dog?” That is the question we are all asking ourselves less than two weeks before the midterm elections. Read more on Crack Politico Investigative Reporters Discover ‘The Real Bo Obama’…
  dump that foia like we dumped that lady

White House Absolutely Loved Shirley Sherrod Firing, Documents Show

Internal e-mails concerning the firing of Shirley Sherrod have been released to media organizations that requested them, and it turns out the USDA and White House acted pretty much like everyone thought they had! “Just wanted you to know that this dismissal came up at our morning senior staff meeting today,” said the White House’s Cabinet liaison, Christopher Lu, who is probably wishing he had a cool signature that would impress everyone reading his now-infamous e-mails. “Everyone complimented USDA on how quickly you took this action.” We hope the Obama administration let the USDA pick out a sticker for doing such a good job firing that innocent lady! Also interesting: the USDA took note of what your Wonkette said about the Sherrod video, but failed to take our position that the video was not actually a big deal and was just Breitbart race-baiting. Whoops! Read more on White House Absolutely Loved Shirley Sherrod Firing, Documents Show…
  fact-checking themselves

Todd Palin E-mail No Big Deal Because Palins Say It Isn’t

Todd and Sarah Palin have responded to the leak of Todd’s e-mail to Joe Miller yesterday, and it’s basically, “What? That wasn’t controversial. Lamestream media!” Earlier this afternoon, Todd sent a message to The Weekly Standard, saying his “wires got crossed” with Joe Miller (is that a sex thing?) and that “Joe hadn’t said anything like what I’d been told.” Except Joe Miller obviously did say something like what he’d been told, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T SAY HE WAS ENDORSING SARAH FOR PRESIDENT. The Palins want to say it’s a simple misunderstanding, so the lamestream media should simply follow along and do exactly what the Palins say. But more importantly, Todd Palin is mad at you, Wonketteers, for finding and posting his e-mail address. Read more on Todd Palin E-mail No Big Deal Because Palins Say It Isn’t…
  joe scarborough is slitting his wrists right now

Anderson Cooper Gets Daytime Talk Show, Ladies

Anderson Cooper is keeping his job at CNN, at least until Larry King shows up at his studios with a gun and Cooper decides it’s no longer worth it to interview terror-baby activists and hilarious homophobe assistant attorneys general. But he is also getting a daytime talk show, because why not? You know how Anderson Cooper always gets that cringe face when he’s forced to talk about sensationalist celebrity pablum? That’s how it’s going to be for an hour every day, as he reads off Gawker posts about how totally gay he is to the audience and tries to keep the nation’s unemployed, retirees, and homemakers from killing themselves. Read more on Anderson Cooper Gets Daytime Talk Show, Ladies…
  cake wrecks

At Long Last, Sarah Palin Tweets About Cake Ink

Sure, that Vanity Fair piece out today was sort of poorly sourced (although still fun!), but isn’t that allegation that Sarah Palin maybe doesn’t do her own tweets kinda damning? So how does “Sarah” address this? “Media goofballs.” “Cake ink.” The end. Read more on At Long Last, Sarah Palin Tweets About Cake Ink…
  puppies of state

North Korea Ramps Up Its Social Media Presence

North Korea is so in touch with the times that it is now your Twitter and YouTube friend! State media outlet Uriminzokkiri will provide you fun and interesting tweets about North Korea news here and informative news video here. We are not exactly sure what news is going on in the news segment above, as we do not read Korean, we just speak it. But obviously our CNNs and MSNBCs and Fox Newses have a lot to learn about making news entertaining, as we are utterly transfixed by this. Read more on North Korea Ramps Up Its Social Media Presence…
  good ways to shore up your base

Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House

The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them, the librul political party’s presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. “I hear these people saying he’s like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested,” Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because he lives in the same house and has the same job and also calls himself “President.”) Why are the “professional left” not in lock-step with their dear leader? Isn’t there a chemical that makes you oppose gay marriage and support Guantanamo Bay that Robert Gibbs can inject people with when he’s checking them for teh drugz? Read more on Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House…
  oh god that voice

Sharron Angle Doesn’t Understand Why the Press Isn’t Her BFF

Yes, here is a person in serious contention for U.S. Senate, wondering why the press does not write the things she wants them to write and help her raise money. Why is it that the media thinks it has a different role than Teabagger websites? That is not very nice, you guys. Territory folks should stick together. Territory folks should all be pals. Read more on Sharron Angle Doesn’t Understand Why the Press Isn’t Her BFF…