Tag: media

Daily Beast Finds Terroristy Name In Phone Book, Solves San Bernardino Case

It's not like none of us in journalism has ever shit the bed on a story before; it's rather a rite of passage. I once made a "dead gay son" joke without realizing Randall Terry's gay son actually was...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Cops Disappoint Fox News Morons, Still Refuse To Call San Bernardino Shootings ‘Terrorism’

The Fox News Couch of Knicker-Jizzing Hysteria was in full effect Thursday morning. Andrea Tantaros, Meghan McCain, and whatever the other ones' names are yapped at each other, because the latest press conference on the San Bernardino shootings was...

Wussy President Obama Won’t Even Bomb ISIS For San Bernardino Shootings

Despite repeated calls by Fox News on Wednesday night for the president to finally put on his daddy jeans and automatically label acts of violence committed by anyone whose name sure sounds Muslimy "radical Islamic Muslimical extremist jihad holy war...
San Bernardino Police Chief Jarrod Burguan, i.e. the man with the information.

Here’s What We Know About San Bernardino Mass Shooting. The Rest Is Just Noise.

Fourteen people were murdered, and another 17 shot and injured, during a mass shooting on Wednesday, at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, a large facility that serves the developmentally disabled. It was the second mass shooting in...
Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Beated Up Whoopi Goldberg And ISIS, Will Be Toughest President

Rick Santorum, whose polling throughout the primary season hasn't risen higher than Rick Santorum's dick when he discovers sexts from his wife's hot abortion doctor ex-boyfriend, has sent out a fundraising email. No, we do not know how the Washington...
With the jello and the pudding and the Quaaludes mashed up in the jello and the pudding.

Bill Cosby: Stop Smearing Me By Quoting All My Rape Words In The Newspaper!

Ever since news broke early this month that Bill Cosby may have did drug women for the purposes of having sex with them, according to his own testimony, America has been reeling from shock over the idea that when...
These people ARE Television

Megyn Kelly Asks Duggar Girls: Show Us On The Doll Where The Liberal Media Touched You

OK, we think we've got it figured out, now: Megyn Kelly's Fox News interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar Wednesday was like the end of the "19 Kids and Counting" franchise, and her follow-up interview with sisters Jill...
Gordon KlingenWingen Schmitzennutt

CO Rep. Klingenschmitt Booted By Fellow Republicans For Being A Jerk

In yet another example of the persecution of Bible-believing Christians in America, wingnut Internet preacher and actual member of the Colorado House of Representatives Gordon Klingenschmitt has been stripped of his membership on a House committee because even his...

Pregnant Stabbing Victim Invites CO Rep. Klingenschmitt To Shove Donation Up His Jesus Hole

You might remember the horrific story about Michelle Wilkins, the pregnant woman in Longmont, Colorado, who was attacked by a deranged woman with a knife, who stabbed her, removed her 7-month-old fetus in an amateur C-section, and then was...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Doesn’t Love America

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Rudy Giuliani is an asshole even by his standards, Bill O'Reilly is full of shit even by his standards, and Oklahoma is ignorant etc. Missed last week's...

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we're always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind...
Kooky Klown Klan Klaven

Steve Scalise Totally Didn’t Speak At David Duke Event, Says Close Friend Of David Duke

So you remember how it was reported that Steve Scalise (R-Jindaltopia) spoke at a meeting of infamous white supremacist David Duke's white supremacy group in 2002? And remember how Scalise apologized for speaking at said white supremacist meeting, saying that...

Jon Stewart: ‘Mitch McConnell Is Literally, Biologically A Tortoise’ (Video)

On Thursday's Daily Show, Jon Stewart did that thing he does where he makes us all feel a little bit better about an awful, terrible, no good, very bad week after "the Democrats got taken out back and Old...

Neil DeGrasse Tyson And Miles O’Brien Ponder Mystery Of Universe: CNN’s Ineffable, Incalculable Suck

Neil deGrasse Tyson and former CNN science correspondent Miles O'Brien had a nice chat about how cable news -- especially CNN -- doesn't do so well with this "reporting" stuff. On Tyson's "StarTalk" podcast, O'Brien said that CNN didn't...

Male ‘Journalist’ Tucker Carlson Sad There Are No Male Journalists Because Jill Abramson Murdered Them All

Since the suspiciously ungracious and despicably cruel firing of Jill Abramson, the first female executive editor of the New York Times -- apparently for no reason other than because she was a "pushy" "mercurial" "polarizing" "brusque" beeeyotch who twice...

NBC Hires Expert To Figure Out Mystery of Why David Gregory’s Show Sucks So Hard

If you are a Reglar 'Merican person who has occasionally flipped to NBC's Meet the Press on a hungover Sunday morning, thinking the vapid tones of whatever panel of white men plus John McCain is appearing that day might...