McCain Guru Steve Schmidt Furious That Press Are So Mean To Palin By Asking Simple Questions
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
Remember that time (pictured above, for your viewing pleasures!) Campbell Brown was unforgivably rude to Tucker Bounds by asking him what Sarah Palin had ever actually done as commander of the Alaskan National Guard? Why, it was almost as awful as that time Chris Matthews was unforgivably rude to Kirk Watson by asking him to list Barack Obama’s legislative accomplishments! And that is why Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s masturbator-in-chief, is so steamed that the members of the media are treating Sarah Palin unfairly. MORE »
Remember that time (pictured above, for your viewing pleasures!) Campbell Brown was unforgivably rude to Tucker Bounds by asking him what Sarah Palin had ever actually done as commander of the Alaskan National Guard? Why, it was almost as awful as that time Chris Matthews was unforgivably rude to Kirk Watson by asking him to list Barack Obama’s legislative accomplishments! And that is why Steve Schmidt, John McCain’s masturbator-in-chief, is so steamed that the members of the media are treating Sarah Palin unfairly. MORE »
Someday Andrea Mitchell will publish her memoirs and it will be the most rollicking account of a sassy girl reporter navigating our nation’s halls of power since Barbara Walters’ book came out. It will be all about crazy three-ways with Objectivists and that time she shared a spliff with Spiro Agnew. But in the meantime, everybody is constantly being mean to Andrea Mitchell because she’s always shilling for the other guy. 
Oooh, it’s TROUBLING NEWS on the McCain front. Despite every conceivable advantage in news coverage this week, he has steadfastly refused to budge from his squatting position at the bottom of the polls. Why hasn’t John McCain capitalized on the many blessings showered on him by the press, and Fate? And what does this say about his ability to lead? 
Reporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends. 
For 400 glorious years, John McCain has gotten daily handjobs from the national press corps because he lets them sit in the back of the bus with him while he dispenses salty bons mots and makes inappropriate jokes. But now all the favorable press coverage goes to Barack Obama, because he gets more people to come to his rallies. John McCain knows how Hillary Clinton feels now, which is why he’s stealing such winning moves from her playbook as 
Ardent Clinton supporter Geraldine Ferraro ran for Vice President once, and now she wants everybody to know how fortunate Barack Obama is to be a black man. She recently told the Daily Breeze, an LA-area paper, that “If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.” Whoopsy! 