Tag Archives: mcdonald’s

  He fuckin' told you losers he was rich

I Am Donald J. Trump, TEN BILLIONAIRE, I Own A Mansion And A Yacht

Donald Trump built a fence around the other candidates, and it was luxurious.
Donald J. “Fuck You and Your Dumb Loser Moron Mother” Trump told us he is worth “TEN BILLION DOLLARS,” and now we get to find out how much he is lying about that. Forbes says he is only worth a piddly no-all-caps $4 billion, and he is only #405 on the list of richest fucks in America, what a loser. The 92-page financial disclosure report, required of all presidential candidates, has finally been released so we can see whether Donald Trump’s assets are in fact as YOOOGE as his balls. For example: Read more on I Am Donald J. Trump, TEN BILLIONAIRE, I Own A Mansion And A Yacht…
  Want some fries with that burn?

McDonald’s Has New Secret Cure For Severe Burns (It Is Mustard)

mustard is my fav burn remedy
Working at McDonald’s has probably never been high on your list of fun things to do, although maybe you’ve done it in order to earn some cash, and that can be a good thing. But fast food restaurants don’t typically fall all over themselves to treat their workers well, and workers sometimes try to form unions, and strike for a higher minimum wage and safer working conditions. And occasionally, workers even expect to be treated at least as well as you would treat your dog when they get injured on the job, because workers are so demanding that way. On Monday, a group of low-wage fast food workers who were definitely not having any job fun filed 28 complaints with the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), alleging that “understaffing and time pressures in stores have led to burns, falls and other injuries.” The complaints were filed with the backing of Fight for $15, a union group that fights for a higher minimum wage and unionization in the fast food industry. Read more on McDonald’s Has New Secret Cure For Severe Burns (It Is Mustard)…
  Now Performing On The Carrageenan Stage...

Struggling Mom And Pop Business ‘McDonald’s’ To Pay SXSW Performers In ‘Exposure’

Suddenly that gas price no longer indicates how old this photo is!
You sort of have to admire the corporate overlords at McDonald’s (no you don’t) for their capacity to act like evil geniuses — for their great big sponsored pavilion at the annual SXSW music and film fest in Austin, they’ve invited a whole bunch of bands to play, paying the performers only in “exposure.” Looks like they’ve learned a thing or two from the world of blogging! Read more on Struggling Mom And Pop Business ‘McDonald’s’ To Pay SXSW Performers In ‘Exposure’…
  Would You Like Breadsticks With Your Class War?

Guess Who Is A Big Wage Stealing Robber Jerk? It Is Right-Wing Capitalist Hero Papa John!

No extra compensation for the shitty pizza
Here’s some Nice Time/Justice Done news for all you fans of class warfare: A Papa John’s pizza franchise in New York has been ordered to pay almost $800,000 in back pay to workers it cheated out of wages. The court found that for more than six years, the franchisee “Emstar Pizza Inc,” which operates seven restaurants, rounded each employee’s hours down to the nearest full hour, cheating hundreds of employees out of their full pay, as well as underreporting hours worked and not paying overtime. Let’s hear it for the job creators, who deserve a tax cut for all the hard work they put into earning profits, huh? You don’t just come up with scams like that by being lazy. The owner of the franchise, Emmanuel Onuaguluchi tried unsuccessfully to escape previous court orders on back pay by attempting to sell the franchise. Read more on Guess Who Is A Big Wage Stealing Robber Jerk? It Is Right-Wing Capitalist Hero Papa John!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She’s not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in the opportunity to serve at some point,” Palin said Friday, as former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, a potential 2016 rival, looked on. […] Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like…
  letter from moscow

Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Have Great Comradeship To Share With Your Wonkette!

Psst! Mr. Riley Waggaman! How can you resist Vladimir?
Greetings, American stooge monkeys! It is I, your great friend President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, once again here to speak to you on the Wonkette! Now that you have correspondent in our Motherland, is only fair that Vladimir respond. Not to worry, Mr. Riley Waggaman! Though America is safe for you once again, now that Communist President Obama has, how you say, “taken care of” Mr. Andrew Breitbart, the Russian people welcome you stay long as you like. If you are sick-home and need American face, though, perhaps you and other honored Russian guest Mr. Edward Snowden can get together for light beers and racquetball. Please to contact glorious Russian security services — er, please excuse, I mean glorious Russian foreign national outreach agency –- to set up meeting. Read more on Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Have Great Comradeship To Share With Your Wonkette!…
  Here have some news n stuff

This Guy Ranked All The Coen Brothers Films, But That’s Just Like His Opinion, Man

His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
It’s been 30 years since the Coen brothers released their first film, Blood Simple, so Christopher Orr at The Atlantic is re-watching and re-remebering all of them. And that’s cool, man, that’s cool. We’d even agree with him that this could easily be the best line from The Big Lebowski: “Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” Read more on This Guy Ranked All The Coen Brothers Films, But That’s Just Like His Opinion, Man…
  Since When Do Bad Mommies Have Privacy Rights?

Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair

'Off the pigs' is so ambiguous in this context
Just in case you weren’t already kind of disgusted at the treatment of Debra Harrell, the North Augusta, South Carolina, mom who was arrested for negligently letting her daughter play at a playground while she went to work at McDonalds, there’s also this: North Augusta TV station WJBF-TV posted to the interwebs a video of her police interrogation last Monday — including the portion of the interview where she gave police her name, her address, and her Social Security number. Harrell plans to file suit against the station for the privacy violation (the station did remove the video after an hour, reposting it with that portion edited out). Read more on Teevee Station Sued Just Because It Was Awful To Mom Whose Daughter Played In Park, How Is That Even Fair…
  derp mcnuggets

McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?

You want Arbeit Macth Fries with that?
Just because there’s almost no story that couldn’t stand to get a little uglier, McDonalds has gone and fired Debra Harrell, the woman who was arrested last week for letting her 9-year-old daughter go play in a park unattended during Harrell’s shift at McDonalds. (As you recall, a helpful citizen called the police after talking to the girl and finding out she was alone.) The company wouldn’t say why Harrell had been fired, saying that discussing the matter would be “inappropriate.” Why, yes, you may wish to spit McMuffin chunks at your computer monitor now. Read more on McDonalds Fires Mom Who Let Daughter Go To Park By Herself Because Who Wants A Troublemaker?…
  viva la revolucion!

Seattle Raises Minimum Wage To $15. Thanks Obama.

Just last week we were excoriating the anus-burger-dispensing corporate lackeys at McDonald’s for dispensing billions of dollars back to shareholders while continuing to pay store employees an hourly wage that would embarrass a Gilded Age robber baron. So good news for our communist souls: the Seattle City Council has voted for a $15 minimum wage to be phased in over the next seven years. McRib makers of Seattle, you will soon have to be paid an amount of money that might allow you to live with a minimal level of human dignity! Read more on Seattle Raises Minimum Wage To $15. Thanks Obama….
  you'll get nothing and like it

McDonald’s Continues Stealing Wages, Government Resources, Souls

Corporate behemoth McDonald’s, which owes its multinational status to a funny-looking clown convincing sentient humans to shove billions of cardiac time bombs down their gullets, has come under fire in recent years as people have finally awakened to just how ruthlessly and shabbily it has stepped all over the workers that make up the company’s lifeblood as it has accumulated zillions of dollars in value. Just last week a crowd of 2,000 protestors showed up at the company’s suburban Chicago headquarters to demand, among other things, higher wages and the right to unionize. Over 100 of them were arrested and the company had to temporarily close down a building on its campus. Damned ungrateful workers, just sell your spare kidneys to make ends meet and go away already! Meanwhile, your corporate overlords will be doing this. Read more on McDonald’s Continues Stealing Wages, Government Resources, Souls…
  ensuring that the poor will always be with you

Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them

So you know how President Obama called for a minimum wage of $10.10 in the State of the Union? Well, that is a great plan if you HATE THE POORS. But if you love the poor, if you have compassion in your heart and a soul full of goodness, then you know that best way to help the poor is to lower the minimum wage! Where, oh where, would such brilliant logic come from? Robert Strayton, some former executive vice president of a big ol fancy company, put forth his magnum opus in the pro-poor pages of the Wall Street Journal: I have come to believe that the most effective step we can take to ameliorate poverty, kick-start job growth and invigorate hope in every social stratum is to experiment with a $5 minimum wage. That’s right. Instead of making more money, we need to make sure that the poor make less money. And that will solve everything! This guy is like modern-day Monica Lewinsky, except he is blowing minds. And we just stained his blue blazer. Let’s hear him richsplain to all the poors how making less money will be good for them.  Read more on Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Gala Of Goofs And Gomers

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape our browser tabs for the stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite worth a full post, stir in some weapons-grade snark, and serve it up to you. We recommend you add your own mental lubricant, but not right before you get interviewed by Bob Costas. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Gala Of Goofs And Gomers…
  lesson one: you don't become a millionaire tipping the help

McDonald’s Helps Employees Get Wealthy With Advice On What To Tip The Au Pair And Poolboy

McDonald’s employee website has obviously been sabotaged by union thug moles (again) (AGAIN again!), who are trying to make them look bad. Obviously no person without a nefarious agenda would put up an employee website with an etiquette section on how much to tip the help for the holiday. Read more on McDonald’s Helps Employees Get Wealthy With Advice On What To Tip The Au Pair And Poolboy…
  eviscerate the proletariat!

Conservatives Turn Out In Support Of Poor Beleaguered Rapacious Fast Food Corporations

Over at Michelle Malkin’s Twitter Dump for Adderall Deficient Jackanapes, the wingnuts are having a giant happy because fast food workers across the nation are striking for a living wage, which gives the knuckle-dragging cholesterol bombs of the right an excuse (as if they needed one) to patronize every McDonalds and Hardees from sea to shining sea for every meal they eat today. Because the hell with Big Labor thugs or fast food employees not having to sell their bodily organs to pay the bills! Workers are demanding a minimum wage of $15, which doesn’t sound so unreasonable to us, but we’re giant Marxists who think people should not have to work two jobs just to afford the rent on a single room in one of those long-term occupancy hotels where the front-desk clerk sits behind bulletproof glass. Obviously this might impinge on your average Mickey D’s ability to run its Dollar Menu promotion on the regular, so you wingnuts will just have to pay a little more for the privilege of gobbling those artery-clogging Big Macs when you take your spouses out for Date Night. Cry us a fucking river. Read more on Conservatives Turn Out In Support Of Poor Beleaguered Rapacious Fast Food Corporations…