According to John Zogby’s latest poll, Republican Senator John “Walnuts!” McCain is leading pretty much everywhere except in the great state of California, where conservatives want a leader with executive experience and magic underoos. MORE »

No John, NO, you’re the Mexican. That’s why you don’t support the torture of other human beings. Mitt Romney eats Mexican intestines for breakfasts, whereas you only eat grapes and goat cheese and various fairy dairy products.

Thanks to a kind tipster, we spent part of yesterday perusing the anagrams of our presidential candiates, which included Hillary Rodham Clinton (Damn Chilly Iron Harlot), Rudy Giuliani (I Rig Dolphin Luau), John Edwards (D’oh! Jaws Nerd) and Joe Biden (I Need Job). Strange, right? After the jump, The Dimmer Switch sheds some light. MORE »

Most of our presidential candidates have law degrees. All of them, except Mitt Romney, have practiced law. The New York Times recently examined the young legal careers of our presidential candidates. In Sen. Hillary Clinton’s early days, she represented a cannery that produced pork and beans, and in one case, a can which contained the ass of a rat. She argued that there was no real harm, and besides “the rodent parts which had been sterilized were considered edible in parts of the world.” MORE »

John Walnuts! McCain knows that if you really want to impress today’s jaded youth, it’s best to call them names and threaten to send them off to Iraq: MORE »

* Jack Cafferty thinks Alberto Gonzalez is a “weasel.” Don’t ask him what he thinks about Wolf. [C&L]
* Jon Kyl is going on a legislation-blocking rampage because he’s just so tired of “Walnuts, Walnuts, Walnuts” all the damn time. [TPM Muckraker]
* George “H-Dubs” Bush almost dies on the golf course — HuffPo commenters wish him well. [HuffPo]
* Michael Bloomberg wants to fuck up the 2008 election. [Captain's Quarters]
* So does Ron Paul. [Wizbang Politics]
* Dick Gephardt saves Bill Clinton’s ass, again. [Freakonomics]
* John McCain stink-palms himself. [CC Insider]

We got the following totally-unverified tip yesterday from a Wonkette operative:

Overheard at Tortilla Coast:
Male with really bad curly hair kinda like that 70s guy from American Idol: “I met this intern from McCain’s office, she takes sleeping pills every night”

Ditzy Girl: “Really? Wow….”

Bad hair guy: “Yeah I mean she’s a red head so she’s pale anyways but this is worse!”

At first we didn’t think much of it, because even though we like the idea of the MAVERICK senator’s interns not being able to sleep at night, our tipster kinda lost us with the punchline. But then we read Newsmax’s most recent attack piece tribute to McCain, with its hilariously self-answering headline, and we wondered if maybe everybody within a five-mile radius of the gentleman from Arizona mightn’t need to hit the ol’ Ambien. The vulgar parts, including a surprising incident in which McCain inspects a colleague’s ass, are after the jump.

MORE »