Tag Archives: mayor

  Hell Is Other Small Town Politicians

New Jersey Town Councilwoman Flips ‘P.O.S.’ Mayor Double Birds, Because New Jersey

She seems so nice
A town council meeting in Mahwah, New Jersey, turned ugly last Thursday as the Council reacted with both pique and indelicacy to … we don’t know, some horseshit that small-town people get het-freakin’-up about. We do know Councilwoman Lisa DiGiulio let out her inner Scalia with all manner of bawdy gestures and a Tony Soprano-style gutter mouth full of terrible cusses, impeach. Read more on New Jersey Town Councilwoman Flips ‘P.O.S.’ Mayor Double Birds, Because New Jersey…
  Fox To Call For French Tort Reform

Paris To Fox News: See You In Court For Being Lying Liars

Terrifying real news that's verified... to be fake
Now that Fox News has admitted it completely made up a series of stories about supposed “no go zones” in France and England — districts where the police and other officials supposedly leave local Muslims to run things on their own and create little islands of Sharia where no non-Muslim dare enter — the mayor of Paris, Anne Hidalgo, says she’s planning to sue Fox News for lying about Her Fair City: Read more on Paris To Fox News: See You In Court For Being Lying Liars…
  A Mutiny By Any Other Name

Cop Fight! NYPD Battles Itself As Union Meeting Descends Into Fisticuffs

Antun’s is a classy joint in Queens that normally specializes in sweet 16 parties and bedazzled weddings. Yesterday, however, this fine establishment played host to a meeting of the NYPD’s Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association, and things escalated quickly! Worst of all, some rat fink squealed to the New York Daily News, and now the story’s breakin’ out like the measles. Read more on Cop Fight! NYPD Battles Itself As Union Meeting Descends Into Fisticuffs…
  Hey Voters I'm In Jail

Zany CO Springs Mayoral Candidate In Jail For Menacing With AR-15, Other Hijinks

Audacious, Terrific, and Fucking rad
According to her Facebook page, Justine Herring is the next mayor of Colorado Springs. According to Colorado Springs law enforcement, Justine Herring is in jail for pointing an AR-15 assault rifle at her boyfriend in a public park, and, in a separate incident, impersonating an ATF agent: Read more on Zany CO Springs Mayoral Candidate In Jail For Menacing With AR-15, Other Hijinks…
  keep smoking that chicken

Rob Ford Announces Reelection Campaign; Free Crack Rocks For All!

As a gift to comedy, performance artist/Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced Thursday night that he’s running for another term. “I’m running on my record and my record is second to none,” Ford said at the Toronto Congress Centre. “I’m the most open hard-working mayor this city has ever had. I continue to pledge honesty and transparency.” God Bless You, Mr. Ford. You’re no raasclat bumbaclot, man. Read more on Rob Ford Announces Reelection Campaign; Free Crack Rocks For All!…
  he seems nice

Missouri Mayor Thinks Kansas Shooter Had Some Good Ideas About Those Jews

It’s nice to know that you can count on your friends. For instance, accused murderer Frazier Glenn Miller (or Frazier Glenn Cross, depending on which of his pseudonyms you like) has a good friend in Daniel Clevenger, the newly elected mayor of Marionville, Missouri. In an astonishingly unembarrassed chat with Springfield, Missouri, TV station KSPR, Clevenger allows as how Miller definitely did a very bad thing by killing three people because he thought they were Jewish, but on the other hand, he didn’t see any problem with agreeing that the Jews are a real problem for America. You just have to love small-town America’s honesty and straightforwardness, don’t you? So real, so unlike fake Americans in the big cities, the big cities with all those Jews. Read more on Missouri Mayor Thinks Kansas Shooter Had Some Good Ideas About Those Jews…
  most interesting man we never heard of

Jackson Mayor Chokwe Lumumba Dies, Is Survived By Awesome Black Power Biography

Let’s take a moment to remember somebody who we just heard about for the first time yesterday when we saw the news that he’d died: Jackson, Mississippi, Mayor Chokwe Lumumba, who died suddenly Tuesday of unknown causes. Seriously, Jackson Freaking Mississippi had a mayor who was born in 1947 with the name “Edwin Taliaferro,” but then changed his name in 1969 to be all Black Power-y: He said he took his new first name from an African tribe that resisted slavery centuries ago and his last name from the African independence leader Patrice Lumumba. He moved to Jackson in 1971, then went to law school in Michigan in the ’80s and came back to Jackson and did law stuff in 1988. And somehow, instead of scaring Fox News at election time, he got himself elected to the Jackson City Council, and then last summer, as Mayor. How is it that this man was not nationally famous? Let’s learn more about awesome things he did. Read more on Jackson Mayor Chokwe Lumumba Dies, Is Survived By Awesome Black Power Biography…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we scrape up a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. It’s like Thanksgiving leftovers that have sat out too long, except they were kind of rotten to begin with. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits…
  we suppose a ke$ha joke would not be all that timely

Could This Be America’s Rob Ford? Drunk Small-Town Mayor Wreaks Havoc On A Clock

Step aside, Trey Radel, we’ve found a new candidate for “America’s Rob Ford.” Behold Mayor Gordon Jenkins of the village of Monticello, New York, venting his frustrations on an innocent interview-room wall clock after a DWI arrest on November 16. He is not a happy fella. Read more on Could This Be America’s Rob Ford? Drunk Small-Town Mayor Wreaks Havoc On A Clock…
  put em up put em uuuuup!

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Tear Off Your Head And Do A Poop Down Your Neck, For Drug Money Probably

Would you believe that Rob Ford is still the Mayor of Toronto? Of course you would, because the man does not know the meaning of “give up.” Literally. He is so wrecked he may not even know his own name anymore. Here is a snippet of completely context-free video of Ford ranting in an impaired manner about killing somebody. And he’ll be fast about it. He could kill this guy in five, ten minutes — just like Jerry Seinfeld getting a table in a Chinese restaurant. There is no indication of when the video was made, the identity of the off-camera person Ford is talking to, or who it is that Ford wants to kill, but the guy sure is animated. We bet he could have a great career in a dinner theater adaptation of Goodfellas someday. Hopefully very soon. Read more on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Tear Off Your Head And Do A Poop Down Your Neck, For Drug Money Probably…
  dial m for mayor

Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually

Old Handsome Joe Biden accidentally called the wrong Martin Walsh Tuesday night to congratulate him on being elected Mayor of Boston. Instead of reaching the new mayor, OHJB called a former Ted Kennedy staffer with the same name, starting the conversation with a friendly “You son of a gun, Marty! You did it!” After Walsh cleared up the mistake, the two chatted a bit, and Biden then called the right Martin Walsh and left a congratulatory voicemail. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually…
  cindy lou who can suck it

Tennessee Mayor Steals Toys For Tots’ Christmas Funds, Jing Tinglers, Floo Floopers, & Even Roast Beast

Greenbrier, Tennessee, Mayor Billy Wilson was arrested Monday and charged with theft for stealing funds from the city’s Toys for Tots charity. At press time, the whereabouts of the town’s supply of Tar Tinkers, Who Hoovers, Gar Ginkers and Slu Slumkers could not be ascertained, although it is thought that Wilson may have already sold a valuable Who Carnio Flunx on ebay for several thousand dollars. Read more on Tennessee Mayor Steals Toys For Tots’ Christmas Funds, Jing Tinglers, Floo Floopers, & Even Roast Beast…
  is there a future in your ford?

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Not Resign Until You Pull His Crack Pipe From His Cold Dead Hands

Here is Toronto Mayor Rob Ford screaming “Get off my driveway” and “Thank you!” at some reporters Thursday morning. Toronto police said Thursday that they have that cell-phone video that allegedly shows the magnificent douchebarge smoking crack, but the mayor said yesterday afternoon that he has “no reason to resign,” possibly because he is as well-connected to The System as he seems disconnected from reality. Read more on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Not Resign Until You Pull His Crack Pipe From His Cold Dead Hands…
  stay harassy san diego

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner To Resign, Pursue Private Sector Opportunities In Sexual Harassment

As part of a mediation deal in his sexual harassment lawsuit, San Diego’s creepy harassment Mayor Bob Filner is expected to resign Friday. Filner was seen removing boxes from City Hall yesterday and loading them into an SUV, so it appears that he will not have to be escorted from the building by Security. It was not known if he had the boxes’ consent to have his hands all over them. Read more on San Diego Mayor Bob Filner To Resign, Pursue Private Sector Opportunities In Sexual Harassment…
  journamalism

Whom Is The Daily Caller Casually Libeling Today? (Hint: It Is Former L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa!)

Nice work, Daily Caller “News” “Foundation”! You’ve got a throwaway news item — Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s new job as a visiting fellow at Harvard — and used it as the stock for a bouillabaisse of casual lies and pointed misinformation! Young Robby Soave, “reporter,” must be quite proud of him! How are you casually libeling Antonio Villaraigosa today? Read more on Whom Is The Daily Caller Casually Libeling Today? (Hint: It Is Former L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa!)…
  better than poor old octomom

Sydney Leathers Is Your Newest Octomom, With The Pornos, And The Sad

Aww yeah — Anthony Weiner’s delightfully zaftig, beach flopping, tatted-up phone-sexting partner Sydney Leathers has gone and made herself a porno! And what pray-tell is the gal who declared that dear old Carlos Danger is “too busy jacking off to be mayor” doing in said video? Why jacking off of course! And just how many ways can we say ‘saw that coming’ har-har? Yes, Sydney’s solo-porn is already done and up on Vivid’s website, ready for your pay-per-perusal. We do not know how much money she was paid yet, so we aren’t sure how appalled we are — but hey, you know, good for you Syd — what 23-year-old doesn’t dream of becoming one of 6 to 10 girls sexted at by an ex-congressman about her big old feet, boobs and butt? And then getting appropriate representation so that you may profit from said dalliances? Well done, Sydney Leathers, well done. Really makes Fawn Hall and Donna Rice look silly with their “No Excuses” jeans, and do NOT get us started with those purses Monica did. Read more on Sydney Leathers Is Your Newest Octomom, With The Pornos, And The Sad…
  why's there no warning on these toothpicks not to stick them in my eye?

Creepy San Diego Mayor Only Did Sexual Harassment To All Those Chicks ‘Cause No One Told Him Not To

You know how San Diego Mayor Bob “Dirty Old Man” Filner is, like, the creepiest mayor what ever mayored and sexually harassed three four ALL the women? Well, don’t get your panties in a twist; his lawyer says it’s not his fault! “The city has a legal obligation to provide sexual harassment training to all management level employees,” wrote attorney Harvey Berger in a letter requesting the city pay Filner’s legal bills in defense of the lawsuit filed by his former communications director. […] On the issue of potential damages, Berger wrote, “The city may be strictly liable for any sexual harassment by a supervisor, even if it had no reason to know of it. So, of course, the city should have a strong interest in making certain that Mayor Filner has the resources to defend himself.” Hey, everyone, let’s drop a whole bunch of acid and try to follow that logic! Read more on Creepy San Diego Mayor Only Did Sexual Harassment To All Those Chicks ‘Cause No One Told Him Not To…
  you stay harassy san diego

On Whom Is San Diego Mayor Bob Filner Creeping Today?

In today’s edition of Political Rock Out With Your Cock Out, four more women have come forward to accuse San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, who is obviously not a Democrat or Wonkette would not be writing about him, of being a serial creeper who can’t ever be in a room with a woman without very kindly offering to jizz on her tits. This brings the total number of Filner’s accusers to seven women, or 14 tits. Read more on On Whom Is San Diego Mayor Bob Filner Creeping Today?…
  stay harassy san diego

San Diego Mayor Total Sex Creep, Yet Not a Republican, What Up With That?

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner is being pressured to resign after a number of former supporters have come forward with accusations that the first-term Democrat had sexually harassed them. While the mayor has released a video in which he apologizes for treating women on his staff disrespectfully, even admitting “I need help,” Filner also somehow thinks that the accusations from multiple sources are all just a big misunderstanding and he will just take some classes to make everything better, and a full investigation will clear his name because he is just a really friendly guy who likes to hug everyone and we think we need a bucket, urrrrggghhh. Of course, Wonkette isn’t covering this story, because Filner is a Democrat. Read more on San Diego Mayor Total Sex Creep, Yet Not a Republican, What Up With That?…
  only commies want their workers off food stamps

DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home

Here is a number that has put District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray in the unenviable position of deciding who writes legislation for his city — Wal-mart, or the democratically elected city council: 12.50. See, the D.C. council, interested in shielding city residents from a cycle of endless poverty and government dependency, have voted for a living wage law mandating that retailers with indoor premises of over 75,000 sq feet and $1 billion in annual revenue pay their employees at least $12.50 per hour. Walmart is threatening to leave DC if the mayor does not veto the bill, saying it cannot possibly afford to pay employees at least $12.50 per hour, given that it can only afford to pay its CEO a paltry $20.7 million per year and is the number 2 company in the Fortune 500 list. Via the Washington Post: Read more on DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home…
  you got a real durty mouth

NYC Mayoral Hopefuls Totally Cool With You Sucking On Your Baby’s Freshly Snipped Peen

New York Mag has a nice little roundup today of mayoral hopefuls’ reactions to the greatest question facing New York City today: before a mohel completes the “beautiful ancient ritual” of sucking the blood off your baby’s weiner, should you have to sign a consent form acknowledging that this practice has led to babies getting herpes, brain damage, and death? Or is a consent form the greatest type of Tyranny our Great Nation has ever known? Let us put on our Talmudic Scholar cap, and suck on this question for a while. Read more on NYC Mayoral Hopefuls Totally Cool With You Sucking On Your Baby’s Freshly Snipped Peen…