Tag: mayor

All Of Indonesia Competing To Say Craziest Thing About The Gays

America isn't the only country where conservatives with a mouthpiece loudly use it to extol the icky iniquities of The Gays Who Do The Butt Stuff. Indonesian public figures seem to be playing a game of can-you-top-this with each...
I swear to faithfully fulfill my duties and not to use a fork

Michigan Mayor Almost Missed Crucial Pizza Party Because Of Whiny Homeless Poors

A Detroit-area city council meeting didn't have time to hear from residents whose houses had been foreclosed upon for unpaid taxes, because if it had, the council would have been late for a planned pizza party. There are such...
The drugs are hidden SOMEWHERE, Tennessee Republicans just KNOWS it.

Even Maine’s A-Hole Governor Thinks New ‘Shame The Poors’ Project Is Gross And Bad

You can't say that Maine Gov. Paul LePage isn't inspiring to his fellow Republicans, at least for certain values of "inspiring." The governor's Fuck The Poor policies have rubbed off on Robert Macdonald, who's running for a third term...

Fox Starts War On Christmas In August. Take That, Global Warming!

The War on Christmas is already here in August, according to Fox & Friends host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who seems to have forgotten that Bill O'Reilly won the War on Christmas last year. Maybe this is one of those...
Say. No. More.

Mean U.S. Constitution Bullies Alabama Town Into Removing Christian Flag From City Hall

The rampant march of militant atheism continued this week, just destroying families and making Baby Jebus cry again, as the demon-spawned hordes of the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) forced Glencoe, Alabama (pop. 5160), to take down its "Christian...
She seems so nice

New Jersey Town Councilwoman Flips ‘P.O.S.’ Mayor Double Birds, Because New Jersey

A town council meeting in Mahwah, New Jersey, turned ugly last Thursday as the Council reacted with both pique and indelicacy to ... we don't know, some horseshit that small-town people get het-freakin'-up about. We do know Councilwoman Lisa...
haw haw haw

Alaska Republican Will Sue You If You Broadcast His Butt-Dials

Here's a fun legal question for all you lawyerly types out there: do two-party consent rules apply to audio recordings arising from butt-dials? Answer: we have no idea, but two Alaska Republicans sure hope they do! In 2008, Dan Coffey (R-Recently Changed His...
Terrifying real news that's verified... to be fake

Paris To Fox News: See You In Court For Being Lying Liars

Now that Fox News has admitted it completely made up a series of stories about supposed "no go zones" in France and England -- districts where the police and other officials supposedly leave local Muslims to run things on...

Cop Fight! NYPD Battles Itself As Union Meeting Descends Into Fisticuffs

Antun's is a classy joint in Queens that normally specializes in sweet 16 parties and bedazzled weddings. Yesterday, however, this fine establishment played host to a meeting of the NYPD's Patrolmen's Benevolent Association, and things escalated quickly! Worst of...
Audacious, Terrific, and Fucking rad

Zany CO Springs Mayoral Candidate In Jail For Menacing With AR-15, Other Hijinks

According to her Facebook page, Justine Herring is the next mayor of Colorado Springs. According to Colorado Springs law enforcement, Justine Herring is in jail for pointing an AR-15 assault rifle at her boyfriend in a public park, and,...

Rob Ford Announces Reelection Campaign; Free Crack Rocks For All!

As a gift to comedy, performance artist/Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced Thursday night that he's running for another term. "I’m running on my record and my record is second to none," Ford said at the Toronto Congress Centre. "I'm...

Missouri Mayor Thinks Kansas Shooter Had Some Good Ideas About Those Jews

It's nice to know that you can count on your friends. For instance, accused murderer Frazier Glenn Miller (or Frazier Glenn Cross, depending on which of his pseudonyms you like) has a good friend in Daniel Clevenger, the newly...

Jackson Mayor Chokwe Lumumba Dies, Is Survived By Awesome Black Power Biography

Let's take a moment to remember somebody who we just heard about for the first time yesterday when we saw the news that he'd died: Jackson, Mississippi, Mayor Chokwe Lumumba, who died suddenly Tuesday of unknown causes. Seriously,...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits

Hi-diddly-ho, Wonkerinos, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the feature where we scrape up a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. It's like...

Could This Be America’s Rob Ford? Drunk Small-Town Mayor Wreaks Havoc On A Clock

Step aside, Trey Radel, we've found a new candidate for "America's Rob Ford." Behold Mayor Gordon Jenkins of the village of Monticello, New York, venting his frustrations on an innocent interview-room wall clock after a DWI arrest on November...

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Tear Off Your Head And Do A Poop Down Your Neck, For Drug Money Probably

Would you believe that Rob Ford is still the Mayor of Toronto? Of course you would, because the man does not know the meaning of "give up." Literally. He is so wrecked he may not even know his own...