South Carolina granola hippie Mark Sanford just couldn’t take the pressure, man, so he put on his Tevas and headed up to the mountains to clear his head. Nothing like some Kinhin walking meditation to get the fear of The Man — that man, the prez — out of your soul. At least out here on the Appalachian Trail, mean old Barack Obama with his suits and his money and his power trips can’t bum you out …. unless uptight Obama is even using his Power Trip Stimulus Money on the trail itself. MORE »

Mayan wizards are furious about Bush’s upcoming visit to the ancient Guatemalan city of Iximche, so they’re going to “spiritually cleanse” the pre-Columbian temples and palaces after Stinkoman leaves. Why so angry? Because they’re a bunch of libtard hippies, that’s why!

“That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture,” Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

We don’t want to make a habit of defending our crappy president, but the dude has hardly persecuted the migrant brothers. Dude is basically merging Mexico with the United States, and the Bush Family is actually becoming Latino so they can rule the New Demographic, too. MORE »