Wonkette

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]

Good god, what is that…thing? It’s your hopelessly deformed John McCain, cursed by elephantiasis of the Truck Nutz, but he will bravely save America with his Original Maverickness. MORE »

The only thing that would cheer us up if Bill Kristol loses next year’s Pulitzer Prize for commentary would be a victory for Washington Post “moderate liberal” columnist Richard Cohen instead. If you haven’t been following this guy recently then you know NOTHING. Oh, the prose-poetry of his sentences! One gorgeous conjunction masterfully gives way to a brilliant proper noun, brought to life by an effervescent transitive verb and wrung to a world-historical clincher with yet another brilliant proper noun. Recently, Cohen has told us about his “keen eye” and the wretched “tattoos” plastering our children these days. In today’s column, Cohen shares the following: John McCain is a maverick, while Barack Obama is a youth! MORE »

With Hillary Clinton gone and the media finally paying some attention to John McCain’s campaign, WALNUTS! knows that he’ll have to put in a few minutes with his reporter friends to sustain his Maverick image. That’s why he’s making such a grand spectacle of his “independent” thinking on the environment and global warming. John McCain will certainly make Saving Our Planet the trademark issue of his campaign, because he cares about Earth. Yesterday, for example, John McCain cared about Earth a lot. Here is his new ad, in which he cares about Earth yet again. [YouTube]

McCAIN HEARTS HAMAS: John McCain is such a senile psychopath Maverick that he was all set to negotiate with Hamas just two years ago, but it’s very bad for Barack Obama to talk about such things this year, because … uh, Jeremiah Wright? [ABC News]

Demented has-been John McCain is “relaunching” his campaign after a disastrous first few months in which the horrible fear of a McCain presidency/apocalypse has mellowed into a vicious national mockery of a crazy old man who just wants to start a thousand wars, prohibit all human behavior and pretend to be a Christian. MORE »

We got the following totally-unverified tip yesterday from a Wonkette operative:

Overheard at Tortilla Coast:
Male with really bad curly hair kinda like that 70s guy from American Idol: “I met this intern from McCain’s office, she takes sleeping pills every night”

Ditzy Girl: “Really? Wow….”

Bad hair guy: “Yeah I mean she’s a red head so she’s pale anyways but this is worse!”

At first we didn’t think much of it, because even though we like the idea of the MAVERICK senator’s interns not being able to sleep at night, our tipster kinda lost us with the punchline. But then we read Newsmax’s most recent attack piece tribute to McCain, with its hilariously self-answering headline, and we wondered if maybe everybody within a five-mile radius of the gentleman from Arizona mightn’t need to hit the ol’ Ambien. The vulgar parts, including a surprising incident in which McCain inspects a colleague’s ass, are after the jump.

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