Your Wonkette despises leaving the house, ever, except for such things as food, but even that can frequently come in the form of home delivery these days, what with the Internet and all. But it is Holiday season, alas, and we feel obligated to cover DC’s many terrible holiday parties! Last night, your Wonkette, along with visiting college friend operative “Stephen,” went to two (2) parties that had absolutely nothing to do with The Holidays. The first was a “send-off to the White House” shindig at the Hawk and Dove for Obama’s fierce new press secretary, Robert Gibbs! This was almost certainly a “party crash;” we had absolutely no business being there. The second was a 40th anniversary party or something for libertarian deathrag Reason, which was just a bunch of drunk Cato Institute staffers from Norway getting belligerent at a filthy bar in Dupont. Endless tales of treachery and violence follow. MORE »

Did you know John McCain was a hard-livin’ playboy and financial criminal back in the Jazz Age? Of course, because John McCain’s entire campaign is based on rumors of his physical attractiveness back in the 1920s. But now that he’s a tortured, crazy old man whose only economic experience was personally destroying the nation’s Savings & Loan institutions in the 1980s, all he wants to do is imprison all Americans in a terrible place where they can’t drink and fuck around and leave their crippled wives for hot millionaire gals, the end. [New York Times]

TEEVEE MCCAIN FUN: Our old friend Matt Welch — author of the only true book about how John McCain is a total corrupt nut — will be on the Fox News Red Eye program in a few minutes, or actually at 3 a.m. Eastern. If you’re riding out that last bit of meth, please tune in! [Reason/DailyGut]

Have you seen the Drudge Report today?! Apparently there’s some big controversy thanks to McCain still being a crazy old man. And because all the other GOP candidates are sociopaths, there’s still the possibility that John WALNUTS! McCain could end up with the nomination, and then he’ll personally bomb Phoenix or something so he can seize the presidency and fulfill his destiny, which is to blow up the world.

And that’s as good an excuse as any to plug our comrade Matt Welch’s new book, “McCain: The Myth of a Maverick,” which Welch just helpfully dropped off at the West Coast Bureau, along with a roll of twenties. We will read the book this week and post some humorous excerpts, because the whole thing is about McCain being a dangerous old lunatic.

Welch On McCain: The Book [Reason]