Wonkette

* A bird took a shit on President Bush. Then he wiped the shit off. [AmericaBlog]
* Fathers keep their daughters out of the clear heels by not naming them “Monica.” [Political Arithmetik]
* John Edwards passes the gay test. [Pandagon]
* “Al Gore has transcended.” [HuffPo]
* Notoriously bad courtesy laugher Ron Paul to be put to the test by Bill Maher. [TechPresident]
* John McCain, Barack Obama, Matt Drudge, and a bong. [Election Central]

“DRUDGE SEASON GREETINGS FROM MIDEAST… THANKS FOR A GREAT YEAR!!” he crows on top of the usual “article about inflation illustrated with giant snowman photo” fare. No, we don’t know what any of this means either. MORE »

Combine the sputtering impotent rage of Michelle Malkin’s husband with the dementia-tinged Logic Wormholes of Peggy Noonan and you might get something like Alicia Colon, the angriest super-patriot in all of Staten Island and the New York Sun’s award-winning humorist. Today, she takes another liberal left-wing Main Stream Media liar to her own personal Abu Ghraib. Get ready to suffer for your lies, Matt Drudge! MORE »

* John Warner’s ready to cut and run, “If I can leave Liz Taylor, I can leave Iraq.” [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Howard Dean’s job to be given to the blogger with the most inventive Bush impeachment strategy. [Firedoglake, HuffPo]
* Tom Tancredo doesn’t like places where the heat is on, all night on the beach ’til the break of dawn. [ C&L, H&R]
* Tomorrow, Drudge will look down at his tighty-whities and see President Bush’s face in the skid marks. [Raw Story]
* In his heart, Howard Kurtz knows there aren’t even enough good newspapers to make a Top 10 list. [Romenesko]
* Steny Hoyer stops by Springfield, Illinois, to spit on Abraham Lincoln’s Library and fire off a couple verses of the Terps fight song. [The Swamp]

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Washington Post editor Len Downie told some nerds today that “Everyone in our newsroom wants to be a blogger.” MORE »

Has PageFuckerGate truly died? Looks like it. God damn is the next month going to suck, or what? MORE »

It’s almost impossible to figure out what the hell he’s saying, because he’s Drudge, but it appears that the guy who was ID’d last night is now claiming his IM exchanges with Foley were some kind of prank. MORE »

Drudge often gets us excited, then leaves us disappointed. Consider this headline: MORE »

Drudge got us all excited there for a second: MORE »

On this, another in a recent run of slow-ish news days (June! Sun! Recess!), Matt is clearly grasping at straws.

Some poor intern must’ve slogged through god knows how many wire photos to find the one that best illustrated that particular non-sequitur. Hey, these only took us two minutes! MORE »

* Our good friends at CEI have a new video calling out “Ramblin’ Man” Al Gore for his massive use of petrochemicals. Drudge, of course, eats it up. [CEI; Drudge Report] MORE »

Readers have asked why we have not commented on the recent Maureen Dowd mediagasm (mogasm?). Honestly, we can’t think of anything to say, though we were fascinated by New York magazine’s illustration of her hairstyles through the ages. As to her thesis — something about how men are scared of smart and talented women — a friend of ours did wonder if that means the single Ms. Dowd believes her married friends are dumber and less talented than she. Speaking of friends, with friends like these, who needs Wonkette: “She insists that the human logic of events is their primary logic. She’s never distracted by the political or economic explanation.” Yeah. Math is hard. MORE »