Tag Archives: matt drudge

  Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife

Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!

That's it, moving to Canada.
Ehrmagerd, the Surperm Curt upheard Abummacurr! This was not met on the right with universal approbation, although many Republicans were quietly breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to reveal that their ready-to-implement fix was really just a copy of the 1996 Houston Yellow Pages that they’d been lugging around in a briefcase. Read more on Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!…
  he's the wind

Matt Drudge Deletes Entire Twitter Oeuvre; World Asks, ‘Who?’

Pioneering aggravation aggregator Matt Drudge has gone and sent every single one of his Tweets down the memory hole, and nobody knows why. It’s kind of like that time when George Washington killed his sensei in a duel — there’s just no knowing the man’s mind, and it would be a mistake to try. Read more on Matt Drudge Deletes Entire Twitter Oeuvre; World Asks, ‘Who?’…
  i should be allowed to glue my poster / I should have a call-in show

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Leave Alex Jones Aloooooone!

Attention, Wonkerinos! We have an important message — five, actually — from a reader who was miffed that today’s Wonket did not give Alex Jones and his merry band of truthseekers their due. “Groovychickedy” just wants to set the record straight for us: One cannot simply brush Alex Jones under the carpet anymore. Alternative media has grown 1000% in the last two years. No one believes what the TV is telling them anymore. Infowars must be more legitimate than you are making them out to be, Senator Josh Miller had to de-activated his Facebook account due to the backlash. When has one of your stories made a Congressman issue an apology or cause them to de-activate their social media accounts? Guns are baked into the bread that is America. The Second Amendment protects all the other amendments, even your right to speak like an unAmerican Communist. Damn straight! If Alex Jones and his Keyboard Kommandos aren’t legitimate, then how could they possibly troll a Rhode Island state senator’s Facebook account into submission, huh? He had to de-activated it! If that’s not evidence of a relentless pursuit of the facts, we don’t know what is. Protip: Do not bake guns into your America Bread without first ensuring that the clip is empty and the chamber is clear; dry-firing into the flour bin is recommended for safety. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Leave Alex Jones Aloooooone!…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you stories that didn’t quite merit a post of their own, but that were too stupid to ignore altogether. As always, you may want to fortify yourself with whatever you believe necessary to get through the experience — we suggest a couple of pan-galactic gargleblasters. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dredge Of Drips, Dreck, And Drudge…
  heart of darkness

Matt Drudge Not Even Trying To Hide It Anymore

Let’s play a fun game. It is called “What Is Wrong With Matt Drudge?” and the answer cannot be “everything” because then the game is over. Above you see his illustration this morning for the Golden Globe nominations, in which 12 Years A Slave and American Hustle both made out like armed robbers. Armed robbers who are black, obviously, as if there is even any other kind! Read more on Matt Drudge Not Even Trying To Hide It Anymore…
  we heard he put his feet on the desk once too

Haw Haw, Dumb Jerk Barack Obama Cannot Even Stand A Little Rain, What A Dumb Jerk

Hey, Drudge and Weekly Standard, did anything happen during President Richard Milhouse Obama’s press conference with the Turkish premiere or prime minister or president or whatever? (We are not required to know who that guy is, because AMERICA.) Oh, nothing, he just CALLED OUT THE MARINES? Well that is one way to murder all of us with martial law and posse comitatus and other terrible FEMA Camp things. “Obama Calls Over Marines to Shield Himself and Turkish PM from Rain,” says the Standard, which is the entirety of its blog post except the vid, above. “OBAMA CALLS IN MARINES,” says Drudge. If you are making Marines take time out from their busy schedules of protecting our freedoms just so you don’t get some Jesus Tears on you, then surely, SURELY, now it is time to inpeach? Read more on Haw Haw, Dumb Jerk Barack Obama Cannot Even Stand A Little Rain, What A Dumb Jerk…
  This is how Hitler started

IRS To Holocaust America, Says Never Wrong Matt Drudge

Triple radioactive death ray from space alert siren: the IRS is holocausting America. No, seriously, it is true because Serious Investigationist Reporter Matt Drudge, who has never been wrong about anything, especially when it comes to Holocausty things, says so: It is Just Like Hitler Day again?!?!?!? (Yes, because every day is Just Like Hitler Day somewhere in America.) Today it is because the IRS apparently paid special attention to Patriot-Americans who waved their guns in the streets because black president, threatened to overthrow the government because black president, cried into their teabags because black president, and shouted about how they weren’t going to pay their taxes (which are actually lower because black president) because black president. Read more on IRS To Holocaust America, Says Never Wrong Matt Drudge…
  never ever getting back together

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Read more on Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry…
  the daily bawler

Pollster’s Mean Questions Make Big Tough Conservatives Weep

Public Policy Polling has separated itself from the other polling outfits through one simple trick: Its polls include weird questions. It’s how we found out, for example, that God had a 52-percent approval rating last year, and that only 19 percent of GOP voters polled believed Obama was going to heaven. They are not questions of any dire importance, which is why it’s easy to chuckle at the results and move on to the ones that actually tell us real things. But this time … this time Dean Debnam and company have gone a bridge too far: They asked 979 likely Wisconsin voters how they felt about “conservative media figures.” Bias! Outrage! Somebody have a freakout! Read more on Pollster’s Mean Questions Make Big Tough Conservatives Weep…
  do you speak jive?

Tucker Carlson Wants You To Enlist In Race War Against Jive-Talking President

We are sorry to all the vile lefties who visit this site, but your precious Barack Obama is toast, man. He’s done. Having clearly become tired of waiting for the Romney Camp to do a GAME CHANGE its own inept self, Matt Drudge and Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took it upon themselves to release shocking never-before-seen-or-reported-on video of the “president” talking like a common negro about Katrina and poverty and the LA Riots. (We are sure the Romney campaign is just thrilled with them.) How unreported was this story? Well, here is your Wonkette’s story reporting on it at the time. And how does Tucker Carlson know it was unreported back then (in 2007)? That’s easy. He knows it wasn’t reported on then, he told Sean Hannity, because he reported on it then. If anything, it just makes too much sense! But are the boys trying to stir up a race war? Well, rather baldly if Tucker’s declaration last night “This isn’t a dog whistle; this is a dog siren” is any indication. So did his cohort rush to enlist? What do you think? Read more on Tucker Carlson Wants You To Enlist In Race War Against Jive-Talking President…
  welcome to panem

WingNutDaily Voice of Reason in Stupid Right-Wing Freakout About Martial Law

You guy, I’m worried about WND, Joseph Farah’s No. 1 News Source for Copy-and-Pasted Chuck Norris Columns. First came the screaming headline EXECUTIVE-ORDER PANIC: MARTIAL LAW IN THE U.S.? and three long paragraphs explaining President Barack O’Stalin’s nefarious plans to ration your wimmen, helpfully summed up here: A Canada Free Press article titled “Obama Executive Order: Peacetime Martial Law!” spread concerns of gasoline ration cards; while an Examiner article declared the order would “nationalize everything” and “allow for a civilian draft.” Facebook, email and Twitter were suddenly abuzz, and even the extremely popular Drudge Report posted a link to the White House release under the title “Martial Law? Obama Issues Executive Order.” Read more on WingNutDaily Voice of Reason in Stupid Right-Wing Freakout About Martial Law…
  boooooo

Matt Drudge-Obama Plot Led To Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s ‘VETTING 2: THE VETTENING’

Sad lumpen unemployed bitter former radio talker, inveterate gossip, bridge burner, and total future Wonkette editorial trainee John Ziegler has a scoop that can no longer be confirmed by his alleged source, late American blogger Andrew Breitbart, and boy is it a doozy! According to Ziegler, Drudge was in man-love with Barack Obama and kept bad stories about him from ever appearing on his massively influential and ratshit-strewn website, “The Drudge Chronicles”; Breitbart and Drudge didn’t talk more than twice in 10 years; and totally way more than that. Read on, Wonkers, for the night of the long knives is upon us! Read more on Matt Drudge-Obama Plot Led To Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s ‘VETTING 2: THE VETTENING’…
  whoa

Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead

American blog owner Andrew Breitbart is dead. He was 43 years old, and reportedly died of “natural causes” in Los Angeles early this morning. We knew Breitbart — “we,” meaning many of us who have written for Wonkette, including young Riley Waggaman, pictured above at left — and he was a pleasant enough goofball in person. Breitbart was also a talented writer of headlines (it really is an art!) who worked anonymously for many years as Matt Drudge’s assistant on the West Coast. What he is known for today is the vile collection of websites that includes “Big Government,” and his rambling, slurring appearances on broadcast media. Read more on Andrew Breitbart Drops Dead…