Bill Kristol, the tragically dumb wingnut who wouldn’t be published beyond the Free Republic comments section if not for his famous conservative father who could actually write, was publicly fired from the New York Times this morning — ending a yearlong national comedy in which, each Monday, he would offer some banal nonsense that, if it wasn’t completely and indisputably wrong before he even typed it, would be proven to be utterly false within a few hours of publication. There’s only one way to improve a day like this, and the parody blog “Big Hollywood” has the solution: Offer $100,000 to the movie actor Matt Damon in exchange for, uh, calling Kristol a dipshit in public somewhere. MORE »

You know what has three syllables? “Matt Damon.” Also “Ben Affleck.” Now, scientific research proves that “Obama” also has three syllables, and thus is eligible for the Sarah Silverman formulation of “I’m fucking [three-syllable word]” for instant comedy gold. MORE »

* Matt Damon wants to do things to Dick Cheney that Jason Bourne hasn’t even heard of. News Busters]
* James Baker grabs ass and ankles for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, hilarious historically poignant metaphor ensues. [YouTube]
* Macaca: man of the year. [Salon]
* Soldiers choose John Kerry’s wind-bagging over peeling potatoes, learn hard lesson about regret. [Blackfive]
* Iraq:Afghanistan::War on Christmas:War on Hanukkah. [Radosh]
* Ari Fleischer wants to be a congressman. [Political Wire]
* Damn the man! Save the interwebz! [YouTube]

Wonk’d is in a festive mood and the famous-for-DC kids in this week’s installment have been spotted doing the exact same thing you’ve been doing these past few weeks: stuffing food in their faces at a hectic pace. Harold Ford likes upscale chain eateries, Tom Delay indulges his delusions of grandeur by lunching on the Senate side, and actual celebrity Matt Damon drops a few hundred bucks on a dinner he could’ve gotten for $4.99 from a local burrito joint. Lots more, including Dennis Hastert ordering the red and green curry, after you rip open the presents.

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