Tag: math

Great Britain Pardons Father Of Modern Computing And Nerd Icon Alan Turing, For Gay

Great Britain has made a small step toward correcting one of the great injustices of the postwar era -- not that it can ever be made right, of course -- and has issued a posthumous pardon and apology to...

Fox Business Analyst Super Sure Obama Might Resign, Maybe, Because Math And Nixon

Today in Wishful Thinking: Fox Business News ran this tantalizing headline yesterday: "Analyst Sees Chance of Obama Resignation." And by golly, there is nothing at all untrue about it! They found a Wall Street investment analyst who has "27...

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because...

Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!

You know how America is No. 1 at everything because we say so? We have THE BEST health care (if you don't count all the countries where it's actually better) and THE BEST freedoms (if you don't count the...

Newest Wingnut Fad: Obama Decrees That 3 X 4 = 11

Fire up the Debunk-O-Matic 5000 and get ready to start sending your wingnut co-workers to snopes.com, folks! Fox & Friends and the American Patriarchy Association's Bryan Fischer are among several conservative outlets pitching a selectively edited video that appears...

Famous Austerity Economists: Just Because Our Data Is No Longer Operative Doesn’t Mean We Were Wrong

Oh look, Reinhart and Rogoff have taken to the pages of the New York Times to explain why the fact that they were totally wrong with all their data about HIGH DEFICIT DOOOOOM does not actually mean that they...

Hero Student Teacher Stops Racist Math Problems Dead

Oh, sure, we could be outraged and annoyed that any teacher of fourth-graders could be so clueless as to think it would be appropriate to distribute a “Slavery Word Problems Homework” worksheet to their students, because we would like...

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

One of the "fun" things about presidential elections is that every four years there's a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and...

Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math

Good morning, America! Does this map look familiar to you? Of course it does, it's the map appearing on every newspaper website in the country, indicating which party won all the various states in the Electoral College...

Don’t Worry, Republicans, We Have Found These Awesome Made-Up Polls For You

If you're a Romney supporter, you likely look with sadness and disdain upon the current state of political polling, which has consistently failed for weeks to show your guy with a lead.  In fact, the last time Mitt Romney...

Arizona Republicans Manage To Combine Wars On Women, Math

Hello Arizona, how many children are you going to save from the whims of their cruel, ignorant, feminist, baby-murdering mothers? Answer: none! Or maybe: a lot! It's tough to say, because U.S. District Judge James Teilborg is confident that...

Sorry, Arkansans Making $1899 Per Year, You Are Too Rich For Medicaid

Here is a fun (!) morning math lesson for you, our brilliant and talented and math-capable readers! If Arkanasas currently provides Medicaid to those making 17 percent of the poverty level in the US, and the poverty line in...

Moonie Times: Obama Plays Golf One Billion Hours Per Day

DC's favorite Korean cult newspaper The Washington Times is celebrating President Obama's 100th round of golf as president by putting this in fascinating mathematical context: "The next time President Obama hits the links, it will be his 100th round...

Georgia School Brings Slavery, Slave Beatings Into Math Questions

Georgia's Gwinnett County School District is coming under fire after parents came across math homework featuring some really atrocious questions involving slavery. Two questions in particular -- one involving the number of oranges picked by slaves and another about...

Stunning Enlightenment of Alvin Greene Renders CNN Incapable of Doing Math

Surprise candidate Alvin Greene was soundly defeated in his second bid for elective office on Tuesday. He captured only 37 votes or just about .01% of the 3,892 cast in a Democratic primary to fill a state legislature seat...

Happy 4th of July Collection of Op-Ed Filth!

This week was so fucking awesome it blew my mind all over my fucking face! Now get ready for this political op-ed column to have the exact same effect on your SOUL. I will trepan your life-essence and use...