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Posts Tagged “Math”

elite math

How Hillary Clinton Will Win The Nomination Now

So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN's thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game? More »

2:34 PM on Wed May 7 2008
By Newell
8,758 views, 114 comments

Latest by inchdeepmilewide: When i first started reading what you all had to say, i was hugely impressed. I thought you were all immensely funny and smart. Now i am beginning to suspect you are no more than a bunch of wannabe intellectuals, more »

squaring the circle

Obama's Joyless Math Beats Hillary's Magical Maps

Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you're like, "Oh, but the math." This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [New York Observer]

10:28 AM on Wed May 7 2008
By saraksmith
2,926 views, 114 comments

Latest by Tits_LaRue: @FloraWay: "Chelsea will still wear matching clothes with her parents. 28, going on 11." Don't tell Chelsea, but they only bred her for the spare organs... Hillary needs a new liver after all the Rye shots she's been downing to seem more »

annals of cartography

Hillary's Magical Maps!

Top Clinton advisor Harold Ickes arrived on Capitol Hill yesterday armed with magical maps showing how his candidate would win the nomination if Democrats were Republicans, Florida and Michigan's excluded votes were included, and black caucus-goers were cast into the sea. These maps created a spacious gulag in the Middle West for educated voters under 40, and demonstrated how Barack Obama could never win tough Republican strongholds like California and New York. More »

11:12 AM on Thu Apr 24 2008
By saraksmith
3,995 views, 65 comments

Latest by Zirconia: It is with hesitation I share this vision. It has great power; once seen, one cannot unsee. Stranger, you have been warned: Hillary looses the election, but refuses to acknowledge it. She turns up for the inauguration, stands more »

polling statistics

The Pennsylvania Surge Is Working!

Hold on to your panties, Obamatards: since Wednesday night's debate, Barack Obama has lost a point and Hillary Clinton has gained two in the prestigious Zogby Poll. The final nail in the coffin comes from Zogby's own John Zogby: "No ground really gained or lost by either candidate after Wednesday's debate." DOOM DOOM DOOM. [Newsmax/Real Clear Politics]

11:50 AM on Fri Apr 18 2008
By saraksmith
1,029 views, 20 comments

Latest by High_Heels_Kill: Is Zogby smokin? There's a little hallugenic with that happy mushroom flare going on with his predictions!!! Perhaps Zogby's bitter? more »

turning japanese

Clinton Fears U.S. Becoming Island Nation Of Samurai

Hillary Clinton is afraid that Americans are going to start prancing around in knee socks and filming radioactive giant lizard-based horror films, now that we are sinking into a "Japanese-style malaise." But these terrible tragedies can be avoided if we resort to crazy nanny state policies like having the Federal Housing Administration purchase underwater mortgages. More »

1:33 PM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By saraksmith
1,594 views, 25 comments

spurious predictions

Al Gore Will Be Our Next Vice President, Again

There is no better way to divine the future than to see what people are betting on. This is why everybody knew well in advance that the Patriots were going to win the Super Bowl in a walk! Now the mathematics of chance turns its eagle eye to the Democratic vice presidential contest and discovers that the likeliest pick is Nobel Prize winner, 8-year Veep, and secret president Al Gore. More »

10:05 AM on Tue Feb 12 2008
By saraksmith
4,268 views, 48 comments

book learning

Mike Huckabee Bravely Battles Math

Senator John McCain might have enough delegates to win the Republican presidential nomination, but that’s not stopping rival Mike Huckabee from soldiering on. Huckabee now has the opportunity to define himself as the only true conservative in the race with the guts to stand up to Big Math. More »

1:40 PM on Mon Feb 11 2008
By saraksmith
2,929 views, 49 comments

to do

To Do: Math Marketing

  • Mute Math at the 9:30 Club with The Cinematics & Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin $15 at 9 p.m. [9:30 Club]
  • The Artie Shaw Orchestra (minus the late Artie Shaw) at the Blues Alley. $25 at 8 p.m. & 10 p.m. [Blues Alley]
  • Four local authors — Louis Bayard, Eleanor Herman, Franklin Foer, and James Swanson — read from their books at the Penn Quarter Olsson’s. What connects these authors? HarperCollins paperbacks. Free at 7 p.m. [Olsson’s]

2:58 PM on Mon Mar 19 2007
By jfruh
171 views, 1 comment