NO JOBS LEFT TO LOSE: New jobless claims fell this week, hooray, due to the number of jobs in the US forming an asymptote with zero. Continuing jobless claims, meanwhile, are just staggering and awful, a wretched 5.47 million and counting. Start growing your Victory Gardens now, because otherwise you might not have food next winter. [MSNBC]

Financial wizard Timothy Geithner is thisclose to becoming our next President of Money, but two things stand in his way: he failed to file payroll taxes for a few years, and he hired a housekeeper who was a temporary space alien. One can’t do anything about his monster-changeling maid, as this is a common affliction of people who apply for fancy cabinet positions, but the tax thing obviously cannot stand. However, Senator Chuck Grassley — a veritable Republican, and thus a hater of all things tax-related — tried to help him out in a hearing today. MORE »

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]

Dingbat embarrassment Michele Bachmann has blabbed her way into a losing battle to keep her congressional seat in Minnesota’s 6th District. The new polls are out, and they say Batshit Bachmann is down three points. The sixth-level druid Elwyn Tinklenberg now has the lead, 47%-44%. Magic is everywhere. MORE »

New poll! From Pew, the liberal educated poll robot. Likely voters: 53% for Obama, 39% for McCain. The “Other/Don’t Know” crowd is down to 8%, or below the threshold of mattering one way or the other — in the October 9-12 Pew poll, the 9% other/undecideds were enough to erase Obama’s advantage, should they all go for Walnuts. WARNING: This is all just a mindfuck trick to make you stay home and get high on liberal dope, on Election Day, and not go to the polls because, hey, it’s in the tank! [Pew via Sullivan]

This morning’s numbers are grim on Wall Street but pretty good for Mr. Hopey. Obama’s leading 49-42 in Ohio, 50-40 in Pennsylvania, and, uh, 55-37 in Minnesota. Over at FiveThirtyEight.com, the current projection is 340 electoral votes for Barry and 198 for Walnuts! Good lord, is that even possible? Probably not, somehow! So just assume it’s all terrible disinformation to make you liberals think it’s time to cash your welfare check and get high for the four weeks straight. [Bloomberg/FiveThirtyEight.com]

Ho ho, here’s more of those “encouraging polls” you people love so much: Barack Obama is leading in a trio of states often seen as pretty important to these presidential elections. In the bitter land of Pennsylvania, Hopey leads 54-39. In Ohio, it’s 50-42. And in that one place we all love so much, Florida? The Quinnipiac swing-state poll puts Barry ahead 51-43. [Ben Smith/Quinnipiac]

Oh hey look it’s another tracking poll! The latest Rasmussen dealy shows that John McCain is tied with Barack Obama at 44%, but if you include “leaners,” the geezer beats the pants off the charismatic upstart with a whopping 47% to Obama’s crappy old 46%. JOHN MCCAIN IS PRESIDENT OF LEANERS! MORE »

• OBAMA AND MCCAIN SPLIT THE ELECTORATE IN OBVIOUS AND PREDICTABLE WAYS: Oh Goodness This Just In! Younger people like Barack Obama, while older folks like John McCain; the black peoples favor the one while the white peoples favor the other. So, unless a big segment of voters plans on effecting a rapid change in age or race in the next few months, we might as well hold this frigging election now. Meet your new president, Bob Barr. [Wall Street Journal]

Oh hey look it’s another poll, from the Numbers People! Exciting new statistics show that Barry Obama is ahead of John McCain in the Muslim state of Michigan, plus Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Colorado. This was a poll among likely voters, which your boyfriend Chuck Todd cautions may not be the best measure in a year when turnout is expected to be OFF THE CHAIN Y’ALL. (Chuck prefers registered voters to likely ones, because he is an Elitist.) The point is, John McCain will win in a landslide when a Terrorist Meteor hits Ohio’s beloved Cornhole Tournament and all of America’s likely voters are deported to Guantanamo. [Wall Street Journal]

YES SHE CAN’T: Hillary’s big 10% win last night is now down to a 9.2% win, which is only “double digits” if you count the fraction of the percentage. Go Hilz! [Political Wire]