Tag Archives: math and numbers

  rise of the machines

Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math

Good morning, America! Does this map look familiar to you? Of course it does, it’s the map appearing on every newspaper website in the country, indicating which party won all the various states in the Electoral College in last night’s election. Except this particular map actually comes from Nate Silver’s math and numbers emporium, and was created before any votes were counted! Is this proof that all elections will be replaced by the soulless beeping of IBM computers? Let’s hope! Read more on Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math…
  mapocalypse now

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Here is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump! Read more on Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky…
  quantifying our sex-shaming

ALSO WE CALLED HER A ‘CONTEMPTIBLE TRAMP,’ BUT OUR STYLE GUIDE PREFERS ‘BRAZEN HUSSY’: “A preview of the Republican primary for governor in South Carolina in the June 6 A-section incorrectly said that ‘several men’ have alleged that one of the candidates, state Rep. Nikki Haley, committed adultery in affairs with them. Two men have made such an allegation.” [WP, via Regret the Error] Read more on …
  investigate this

Michele Bachmann Will Have Lots of Free Time To Investigate the Anti-Americans

Dingbat embarrassment Michele Bachmann has blabbed her way into a losing battle to keep her congressional seat in Minnesota’s 6th District. The new polls are out, and they say Batshit Bachmann is down three points. The sixth-level druid Elwyn Tinklenberg now has the lead, 47%-44%. Magic is everywhere. Read more on Michele Bachmann Will Have Lots of Free Time To Investigate the Anti-Americans…
  polling porn

New Freakout Numbers: Obama 53%, McCain 39%

New poll! From Pew, the liberal educated poll robot. Likely voters: 53% for Obama, 39% for McCain. The “Other/Don’t Know” crowd is down to 8%, or below the threshold of mattering one way or the other — in the October 9-12 Pew poll, the 9% other/undecideds were enough to erase Obama’s advantage, should they all go for Walnuts. WARNING: This is all just a mindfuck trick to make you stay home and get high on liberal dope, on Election Day, and not go to the polls because, hey, it’s in the tank! [Pew via Sullivan] Read more on New Freakout Numbers: Obama 53%, McCain 39%…
  but palin says he's black!

Big Obama Lead In Ohio, Pennsylvania, Minnesota

This morning’s numbers are grim on Wall Street but pretty good for Mr. Hopey. Obama’s leading 49-42 in Ohio, 50-40 in Pennsylvania, and, uh, 55-37 in Minnesota. Over at FiveThirtyEight.com, the current projection is 340 electoral votes for Barry and 198 for Walnuts! Good lord, is that even possible? Probably not, somehow! So just assume it’s all terrible disinformation to make you liberals think it’s time to cash your welfare check and get high for the four weeks straight. [Bloomberg/FiveThirtyEight.com] Read more on Big Obama Lead In Ohio, Pennsylvania, Minnesota…
  disinformation

Obama Winning In Pennsylvania, Ohio … Florida?

Ho ho, here’s more of those “encouraging polls” you people love so much: Barack Obama is leading in a trio of states often seen as pretty important to these presidential elections. In the bitter land of Pennsylvania, Hopey leads 54-39. In Ohio, it’s 50-42. And in that one place we all love so much, Florida? The Quinnipiac swing-state poll puts Barry ahead 51-43. [Ben Smith/Quinnipiac] Read more on Obama Winning In Pennsylvania, Ohio … Florida?…
 

YES SHE CAN’T: Hillary’s big 10% win last night is now down to a 9.2% win, which is only “double digits” if you count the fraction of the percentage. Go Hilz! [Political Wire] Read more on …
 

Top 10 Reasons Hillary Is Finally Finished

She’s in it, and she’s in it to win, but everybody else is just kind of looking at their watches with an increasing sense of annoyance. Let’s take a look at the Top Ten reasons why Hillary Clinton won the last debate so much that if she doesn’t drop out after Pennsylvania, Howard Dean will personally have her shipped to Gitmo. Read more on Top 10 Reasons Hillary Is Finally Finished…
 

Barack Obama To Change Electoral Math By Courting Youths, African-Americans, Everybody Else

Every four years Democrats say they’re going to win elections by getting more young ‘uns and black people to vote, and every four years George Bush gets elected again. But this time will be different, says Barack Obama, because he is getting “folks” to register to vote and he will kick their asses if they don’t. Read more on Barack Obama To Change Electoral Math By Courting Youths, African-Americans, Everybody Else…
 

PENNSYLVANIA HATES HILLARY 5% MORE EVERY WEEK: Mrs. Clinton had a 15-point lead over the terrible bowler Barack Obama just three weeks ago. Now she’s only got a 5-point lead over Hopeful Barry. By the time Pennsylvania finally has its primary in three weeks, we’ll probably be having a war with Iran. [Rasmussen Reports] Read more on …
 

New Polls Prove Hillary’s A Monster

Guess who took a big hit in the polls thanks to that crazy “slavery is wrong” reverend guy who Barack Obama used to love so much? That’s right, Hillary Clinton. The new NBC/Wall Street Journal survey shows that nobody likes Hillary except for 37% of the Democratic voters (old ladies). Speaking of the Angry Retired Revered Jeremiah Wright, a combined 63% of respondents either had no idea what the question was about or said Obama had handled it okay — which means, obviously, that “55% of voters told us that they were “disturbed” by the Rev. Jeremiah Wright videos that circulated so widely on cable TV and the Internet.” Read more on New Polls Prove Hillary’s A Monster…
 

How Sex Scandals Ruin Our Democracy

Besides the wives and children, who are the true victims of high-placed leaders’ tawdry sex affairs? Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, of course! Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick are (or were) both Democratic superdelegates. Spitzer was in the tank for Clinton, while Kilpatrick reportedly favors Obama, even though the Obama campaign halfheartedly denies it. So what happens when reckless oversexed Democrats let their personal addictions interfere with their public lives? They make the increasingly weird superdelegate count even less predictable. Of course, none of this matters if Clinton and Obama superdelegates keep cancelling each other out by getting caught in embarrassing situations in equal numbers. [Political Punch, NPR] Read more on How Sex Scandals Ruin Our Democracy…
 

Clinton Campaign Cheats With Its ‘Count Every Vote’ Strategy In Texas

Even though Hillary Clinton is doomed to lose the delegate count in Texas, she insists that the Texas Democratic Party verify every signature from its caucus ballots before the state Senate district conventions in order to confirm her official losingness. You see, the twisted intestinal tract called “the Democratic voting process in Texas” intentionally allows opportunities for fraud at virtually every step of the process, and Clinton wants to make sure every on of these opportunities is taken. Or is it the opposite? We are confused, again. Read more on Clinton Campaign Cheats With Its ‘Count Every Vote’ Strategy In Texas…
 

Obama Secretly Wins California Primary!

While he may not have won more delegates than Senator Hillary Clinton, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama has still won the state of California through sheer force of charm and “momentum.” It turns out that he keeps winning more delegates, even though the polls have been closed for years, but most news organizations can’t bother to update their numbers because they can’t do math. Read more on Obama Secretly Wins California Primary!…