But Who Will Make More Doctors?
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
Oh so is this what that woman was talking about at Obama’s Knife ‘n’ Gun Show yesterday? This one questioner, called upon specifically because she had “concerns,” made the excellent point that if you insure 46 million people who currently have no health coverage, then they might actually go to the doctor once in a while! This may create a “doctor shortage” of some sort that would be terribly inconvenient for those of us who currently enjoy immediate access to doctors of all sorts, due to the fact that we do not have to share them with a large percentage of our countrymen. MORE »
Nobody quite knew what to make of Karl Rove’s very aggressive election night projections, but it seemed safe to conclude that he was trying to mess with Barack Obama in a very sinister and subtle way. People feared that Rove’s projection of 338 electoral votes set the bar too high, so that if Obama won narrowly he would look “illegitimate.” And if Obama lost, he would really look like a loser. 
Through the magic of his math and numbers, Nate Silver has proved conclusively that modern American voters have a very secret shameful prejudice they will only indulge in the privacy of the polling booth: they do not like Republicans. Sure, they will tell a pollster on the phone, “Yes, I am definitely voting for that nice Republican. Some of my best friends are Republicans!” but then they will still pull the lever for the Democrat when nobody is looking. This is why so many Republican candidates underperformed in 2006 poll projections. Americans must have an open, honest dialogue about party affiliation so that our poll projections can be more accurate. [
So Hillary Clinton has 
Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [
Top Clinton advisor Harold Ickes arrived on Capitol Hill yesterday armed with magical maps showing how his candidate would win the nomination if Democrats were Republicans, Florida and Michigan’s excluded votes were included, and black caucus-goers were cast into the sea. These maps created a spacious gulag in the Middle West for educated voters under 40, and demonstrated how Barack Obama could never win tough Republican strongholds like California and New York. 
Hold on to your panties, Obamatards: since Wednesday night’s debate, Barack Obama has lost a point and Hillary Clinton has gained two in the prestigious Zogby Poll. The final nail in the coffin comes from Zogby’s own John Zogby: “No ground really gained or lost by either candidate after Wednesday’s debate.” DOOM DOOM DOOM. [
Hillary Clinton is afraid that Americans are going to start prancing around in knee socks and filming radioactive giant lizard-based horror films, now that we are sinking into a “Japanese-style malaise.” But these terrible tragedies can be avoided if we resort to crazy nanny state policies like having the Federal Housing Administration purchase underwater mortgages. 
There is no better way to divine the future than to see what people are betting on. This is why everybody knew well in advance that the Patriots were going to win the Super Bowl in a walk! Now the mathematics of chance turns its eagle eye to the Democratic vice presidential contest and discovers that the likeliest pick is Nobel Prize winner, 8-year Veep, and secret president Al Gore. 
Senator John McCain might have enough delegates to win the Republican presidential nomination, but that’s not stopping rival Mike Huckabee from soldiering on. Huckabee now has the opportunity to define himself as the only true conservative in the race with the guts to stand up to Big Math. 