Tag Archives: math

  Acquitted Child Killer Says What?

George Zimmerman Opposes Racist Hate Crimes Now, Hooray!

He thinks good
He thinks good You have probably been wondering, ever since the horrible news broke yesterday, “Say! What does unemployable child-killer George Zimmerman think about the unspeakable killings of two young television journalists in Virginia? I am looking forward to his insights!” Happily, Mr. Zimmerman obliged a world that was waiting for his opinions on the matter, and took to the Tweetosphere, that we might all drink deeply of his wisdom. You will be astonished to learn that Mr. Zimmerman seems to have noticed that the murderer was black and also gay, which are really the only two facts that anyone needs to know. Oh, and also Barack Obama apparently approved of the murders, if he didn’t order them himself. Read more on George Zimmerman Opposes Racist Hate Crimes Now, Hooray!…
  Grandma Kaili's Korner

Kids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking

What squares!
Hello, American teenage teens, quick question for you: Why are you so goddamned boring? Do you not know how to be teenagers and do stupid rebellious teenage things, and get yourselves into trouble and be reckless and irresponsible and stupid, so you will learn all the important lessons about how to not do that when you are growed up? Obviously, yes: Read more on Kids These Days Good At Math, Bad At F*cking…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Nanny-Stater Sarah Palin Tells America How To Raise Kids Good

The Sarah Palin Farknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel has resumed its previous publication schedule, pumping out two videos (combined run-time: 3:26) in the last week. The first video, “Raising Patriots,” features Palin telling hard-working Americans how to raise their own goddamn kids, because Sarah Palin feels as though she is fit to offer parenting advice for some reason. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Nanny-Stater Sarah Palin Tells America How To Raise Kids Good…
  maybe the demon sheep did it

Did Carly Fiorina Run Hewlett-Packard Into The Ground, Or Did SEXISM Do It?

Maybe the demon sheep ruined HP.
Carly Fiorina has had a busy couple of decades! There was the 1990s, when she was so tied up she didn’t have a chance to vote, and there was the 2000s, when she thought a good way to get Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat might be to release a commercial full of demon sheep, in order to terrify children and grown-ups alike. And somewhere in there (1999-2005, to be exact) she found time to run Hewlett-Packard straight into the ground. OR DID SHE? (Yes.) BUT REALLY? (Yes.) BUT COULD IT HAVE BEEN SEXISM? Read more on Did Carly Fiorina Run Hewlett-Packard Into The Ground, Or Did SEXISM Do It?…
  99 Problems And A patriarchy Ain't One

How Are The Feminists Keeping Men From Getting Laid Today?

Guess he taught that cuni a lesson.
Nothing like kicking off 2015 with a few stories about how bad men have it in today’s modern feminist-dominated world, where men are on the verge of being ruined by all these radical feminists running loose and running everything, but still not doing sex to the Men’s Rights Activists for some reason. Read more on How Are The Feminists Keeping Men From Getting Laid Today?…
  Accuracy In Slut Shaming

Anti-Abortion Lady Does Math Proving Abortion Is Fake

Lesbian and/or baby-killer
So Thursday on the Twittersphere, some pro-choice ladies had a big internet event, telling their own stories of having had abortions, with the goal of reducing the stigma of talking about a legal medical procedure that one in three women have had. The 1 in 3 Campaign featured a hundred people telling their stories and tweeting about them. Read more on Anti-Abortion Lady Does Math Proving Abortion Is Fake…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)

It's really quite simple. Or should be.
Rachel Maddow is delighted — and so are we, because happy Rachel = Happy us — that in the recent Scottish independence referendum, small but substantial numbers of ballots had to be thrown out because they had both “Yes” and “No” marked on the simplest question ever put on a nationwide referendum: “Should Scotland be an independent country?” This was too much complexity for some folks, apparently. Read more on Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)…
  Math is haaaaaaaard (for ladies)

Sen. Kay Hagan’s Opponent Will Do All The Math For Her Dumb Little Lady Brain

See? He's doin' math!
Let’s say you are the North Carolina house speaker, and your name is Thom Tillis — hypothetically. You have big bold dreams of being a fancy-pants United States senator, so you decide to challenge sitting Sen. Kay Hagan. Let us also say, just hypothetically, that while polling shows you are only slightly behind Sen. Hagan overall, it also shows you are having a wee bit of a problem wooing the ladies — you are a Republican after all — and “Hagan’s lead [is] 52 percent-34 percent among women.” (For those of us who are bad at math, that’s kind of a big gender gap.) Read more on Sen. Kay Hagan’s Opponent Will Do All The Math For Her Dumb Little Lady Brain…
  the continuing crisis

Wingnut Sexpert Matt Barber: ‘The Left’ Wants To Legally Jizz On Your Children

Wingnut extraordinaire Matt Barber, who writes almost exclusively about how The Gay Agenda is going to kill us all, except for when he explains that feminists are in favor of rape, has discovered another completely new thing about “the Left” and the gays: The real goal of all this legalizing of gay marriage and gay this and gay that is to legalize and promote sex with children, because that’s just how “the Left” rolls. Read more on Wingnut Sexpert Matt Barber: ‘The Left’ Wants To Legally Jizz On Your Children…
  ensuring that the poor will always be with you

Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them

So you know how President Obama called for a minimum wage of $10.10 in the State of the Union? Well, that is a great plan if you HATE THE POORS. But if you love the poor, if you have compassion in your heart and a soul full of goodness, then you know that best way to help the poor is to lower the minimum wage! Where, oh where, would such brilliant logic come from? Robert Strayton, some former executive vice president of a big ol fancy company, put forth his magnum opus in the pro-poor pages of the Wall Street Journal: I have come to believe that the most effective step we can take to ameliorate poverty, kick-start job growth and invigorate hope in every social stratum is to experiment with a $5 minimum wage. That’s right. Instead of making more money, we need to make sure that the poor make less money. And that will solve everything! This guy is like modern-day Monica Lewinsky, except he is blowing minds. And we just stained his blue blazer. Let’s hear him richsplain to all the poors how making less money will be good for them.  Read more on Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them…
  Happy Christmas War Is Over

Great Britain Pardons Father Of Modern Computing And Nerd Icon Alan Turing, For Gay

Great Britain has made a small step toward correcting one of the great injustices of the postwar era — not that it can ever be made right, of course — and has issued a posthumous pardon and apology to Alan Turing, the genius who helped break the German “Enigma” code during WWII and who pretty much invented the basis for programmable computers. Turing only made one small mistake: he was gay in England in the middle of the last century, and after he was convicted of “gross indecency” for loving another man, he was sentenced to chemical castration, which almost certainly led to his suicide in 1954. You know, one of those unfortunate side effects of protecting the traditional family. Read more on Great Britain Pardons Father Of Modern Computing And Nerd Icon Alan Turing, For Gay…
  math-ers of the universe

Fox Business Analyst Super Sure Obama Might Resign, Maybe, Because Math And Nixon

Today in Wishful Thinking: Fox Business News ran this tantalizing headline yesterday: “Analyst Sees Chance of Obama Resignation.” And by golly, there is nothing at all untrue about it! They found a Wall Street investment analyst who has “27 years of experience in the securities industry” and based on his excellent science, he figures there’s no more than a 90% chance that Obama will see out the rest of his term: “If ObamaCare is the fiasco that some headlines are suggesting it is, I place the odds around 10% the president will resign before next November’s election,” said Kent Engelke, managing director at the brokerage Capitol Securities Management. We bet there’s some seriously complex calculations that went into that precise determination, seeing as how this is a financial wizard what makes a living carefully weighing all the possible factors involved in a stock’s performance? He probably has a complex formula that accounts for all kinds of variables, and maybe he even consulted the entrails of a chicken (one that had been fucked to death by Todd Starnes). Let’s see what arcane factors went into his precise estimate! Engelke … says he got the 10% number from a simple calculation: 7% of all U.S. presidents faced impeachment or resignation (Presidents Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton were impeached, while President Nixon resigned). He adds in another 3% due to the heightened animosity between president Obama and Republicans in congress. Wow! Don’t you want to invest all your money with that number genius? Read more on Fox Business Analyst Super Sure Obama Might Resign, Maybe, Because Math And Nixon…
  is our children learning? no

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds all over the world, per The Hill, “U.S. students failed to reach the top 20 rankings in math, science or reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, which organizes the data.” We’re number 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1!!! Let’s sexplore what who is more smarter than us.  Read more on American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either…
  We are so S-M-R-T

Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!

You know how America is No. 1 at everything because we say so? We have THE BEST health care (if you don’t count all the countries where it’s actually better) and THE BEST freedoms (if you don’t count the browns and poors and chicks and gays who don’t have as much freedom, but why would you count them?), and when it comes to invading countries and liberating people with bombs, we can’t be beat. (Okay that part is true.) But you know what we do not do so good? Oh, just some totally obsolete un-American skills like reading and math and stuff. Hooray, America! U-S-whatever that other letter is! Read more on Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!…
  al gebra determined to strike in u.s.

Newest Wingnut Fad: Obama Decrees That 3 X 4 = 11

Fire up the Debunk-O-Matic 5000 and get ready to start sending your wingnut co-workers to snopes.com, folks! Fox & Friends and the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer are among several conservative outlets pitching a selectively edited video that appears to show Illinois school official Amanda August saying that under the Common Core standards, it won’t matter whether a student thinks three times four equals eleven or twelve, as long as the student can explain why they came up with their answer. Fox & Friends showed a clip of August saying just this much: Even if they said, ‘3 x 4 was 11,’ if they were able to explain their reasoning and explain how they came up with their answer really in words and in oral explanations, and they showed it in the picture but they just got the final number wrong, we’re really more focusing on the how. Steve Doocy mocked the clip, saying, “if you can explain it to the teacher…you get credit!” and co-host Anna Kooiman decried it as part of the “wussification of America [where] everybody gets a trophy … what happens if the child becomes a doctor and decides to operate on the wrong knee?” Pretty shocking stuff, and just more evidence that liberal teachers are throwing standards out the window! Oh, except that in the full clip, August also said that kids need to get correct answers. Twice. Right before and right after the excerpt that Fox showed. Read more on Newest Wingnut Fad: Obama Decrees That 3 X 4 = 11…
  math is hard

Famous Austerity Economists: Just Because Our Data Is No Longer Operative Doesn’t Mean We Were Wrong

Oh look, Reinhart and Rogoff have taken to the pages of the New York Times to explain why the fact that they were totally wrong with all their data about HIGH DEFICIT DOOOOOM does not actually mean that they were wrong about HIGH DEFICIT DOOOOOM. Reinhart and Rogoff, in case you are wondering, are two economists who wrote a very famous paper purporting to demonstrate that high public debt to GDP ratio leads to negative economic growth. This paper was then cited by Paul Ryan et al. as justification for shredding what remains of our country’s social safety net. But SHOCKER!, the paper was wrong! As a UMass grad student recently discovered, Reinhart and Rogoff not only based their conclusions off selectively chosen data, they made a serious coding error in the Excel spreadsheet they were working with. It’s cool though. They have written a petulant Op Ed in the Times basically explaining why none of us should  WORRY about the data and the methodology they used and the Excel spreadsheet — it’s totally FINE and the original premise of their paper (which purported to demonstrate a causal relationship between high deficits and slow growth) remains sound and the best way to get out of our current economic crisis is still austerity, austerity, austerity! Here, let us take a tour of this Op-Ed, which uses a lot of words to say basically nothing and then concludes with more calls for austerity! Austerity for everyone, on the house! Read more on Famous Austerity Economists: Just Because Our Data Is No Longer Operative Doesn’t Mean We Were Wrong…