A GOLF COURSE. Those snooty elitist New England racists. Also, is this quite BIG enough of a demonstration? Aliens are going to see this from deep space and think all kinds of trouble. Excellent news texture, though, from CNN: apparently golfing patrons are finding this massive evil Nazi hatred carving about the President on their golf green to be rather unsettling.

Ha ha, Michael Dukakis loses again. This bro, former DNC chair Paul Kirk, was more or less picked by the Kennedy family. “Deval, darling, appoint this human, we used to summer together,” Vicki Kennedy urged the Governor of Massachusetts. But it was probably a good pick, because Kirk is familiar with Ted Kennedy’s staff and might actually have some sense of what the hell he’s doing. Oh golly. Check out John Kerry in the video! What a SEVERE couple these two will make, in the Senate. [NYT, YouTube]

• MASS. SENATE PASSES ‘TED KENNEDY MEMORIAL PARTISAN WARM-BODY ACT,’ HOORAY! Oh good, now Gov. Deval Patrick should be able to sign this quick fixeroo tomorrow and Michael Dukakis or whoever can putz around Washington for a few months, casting a crucial vote or two occasionally. Also, pundits can stop saying, “But the Democrats only have 59 seats, they need Olympia Snowe!!!” because it is not true anymore. No one needs Olympia Snowe! NO ONE! [Boston Globe]

It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus]

The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family’s spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else. MORE »

Ted Kennedy might have a mean old liberal Democrat replacement in the Senate soon! All the Massachusetts legislature must do is change the comical law that Ted Kennedy forced it to enact in 2004, the one that prevented Gov. Mitt Romney from appointing a Republican to President John Kerry’s Senate seat. The legislature has moved up a hearing from October to early September on a bill that would allow Gov. Deval Patrick to appoint a temporary replacement to Kennedy’s seat, immediately. Patrick will be looking for a replacement with such qualifications as the ability to press the “yea” button on a health care reform bill, and nothing else. Would it be hypocritical of the Massachusetts state government to amend this law right now? Yes. Good GOD, yes! But who cares? [Salon/War Room]

The festering hot death-waters of the tropical south Atlantic Ocean are trying, as is their annual ritual, to kill the humans with their hurricanes. And this one, Hurricane Bill, is a real heifer. Category 4! According to this important Weather.com projected path, Bill will strike the coast of Massachusetts sometime this Sunday. And according to the much less important Politico, Obama is expected to start his family vacation in Martha’s Vineyard — ALLEGEDLY OFF THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS — on “August 23,” which a few back-of-the-envelope calculations reveal to be the same thing as “this Sunday.” Why is racist Hurricane Bill planning to kill Barack Obama? Is this a money/ransom thing? [Weather.com, Glenn Thrush]

Mitt Romney thinks he can get elected the Republican president of the United States someday, even though he served as the governor of the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts and instituted a Cuban healthcare regime while in office. To commemorate his unhappy tenure as a hostage of the Massachusetts state legislature’s overwhelmingly Democratic majority, the state unveiled an official portrait of the former governor yesterday. If he looks uncomfortable, it’s because of the rectal spindle that attaches him to the desk. UPDATE: MORE »

Massachusetts Senator John Kerry is running for re-election and, while he’s at it, defiling what is sacred ground to many a Masshole: the local Dunkin’ Donuts. We get this tragic on-the-scene report from tipster “Troy.” MORE »

Now that Barack Obama has killed Comedy, America’s last best hope for political laffs is a McCain-Romney ticket. And it looks like Mitt Romney may oblige, given the latest development in his years-long quest to be humiliated by, with, and on behalf of John McCain. He has forgiven the $45 million in loans he made to himself so that he could eke out a few more weeks in terrible debates with the cranky old war vet during primary season! And this means he probably wants to be vice president. MORE »

Here is Massachusetts State Representative James Fagan talking about all the horrible things defense attorneys will do in order to get their clients off the hook when they’re facing stiff mandatory sentences. But because he himself was a defense attorney once, he says “I’ll do this” and “I’ll do that,” leading to people being outraged about how mean “he’ll” be to six-year-old rape victims. Oy. [YouTube]