Tag Archives: mass shootings

  I Don't Like Gundays

Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up

In the not-too-distant future
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry knows there’s no problem that can’t be solved by the addition of more guns, which is why he claimed Sunday that last week’s shooting in a movie theater in Lafayette, Louisiana, probably could have been prevented if only a whole bunch of people in the audience had been armed. Because in the confusion and panic of a dark movie theater, five or six extra people with guns would certainly have been a big improvement. Read more on Rick Perry Gives Guns In Movie Theaters Two Thumbs Up…
  Mad at our nation's stupidest governor

Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Bobby Jindal, craven asshole: Despite the fact that John Russell Houser had a long history of mental illness and arrests but was able to legally purchase a .40 caliber semi-automatic handgun at a pawn shop, Governor Bobby Jindal repeatedly told reporters he would not talk about gun control. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Talk Gun Violence, Soon As He’s Done Giving The NRA This Rimjob…
  america fuck yeah

Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?

Good Ol' Fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Iowa Republican congresscantaloupe Steve King had a few thoughts about Barack Obama’s treasonous attack on freedom last week, when the president said the United States is pretty exceptional, and not in the good way, when it comes to mass killings, and that “this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries.” For one thing, said King on a rightwing radio show in Iowa, it does happen, sometimes, just not nearly as often as it does in the USA — which was Obama’s point anyway. But for another thing, we can’t do anything to prevent it without making America a worser, less Americanly Exceptional Freedom Landy place: Read more on Rep. Steve King: Who Cares About A Few Massacres When You Have All This Freedom?…
  Here's a fucked up thing

NRA Dude Identifies Real Charleston Shooter. Surprise, It Was The Black Pastor!

RIP
We have only begun to graze the tip of the iceberg when it comes to obscene, disgusting wingnut reactions to the Charleston mass murder that ended the lives of 9 black churchgoers, aged from 26 to 87, on Wednesday night. So we guess it’s time for NRA people to start saying words, and surprise, they are not good words. Charles Cotton is a member of the NRA’s board, and he knows who killed those people. No, not Dylann Storm Roof, the alleged gunman who has since confessed, silly! It was Rev. Clementa Pinckney, state senator and pastor at Emanuel AME Church, according to Cotton. How did Pinckney manage that? By voting against a bill that would have allowed people to carry concealed guns in church, of course! Read more on NRA Dude Identifies Real Charleston Shooter. Surprise, It Was The Black Pastor!…
  A Shot In the Derp

New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns

Not much of a deterrent to crime, but kawaii as anything
Writing for a politics blog is weird. Yr Dok Zoom had just finished saving an earlier version of this piece Wednesday night when he opened a beer and decided to look at Twitter before heading to bed. That wasn’t such a great idea, in terms of sleeping well. And so we shall reframe what had just been an interesting bit of research into a direct reply to the geniuses who know, deep in their hearts, that when two or more are gathered in God’s name, at least one must be carrying a gun, and then mass shootings would be even rarer than they actually are. Read more on New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns…
  our armed society

Praise The Lord And Hit The Deck: Your 2014 Gun-Fun Roundup!

Am'urca
Guns! Guns guns guns guns guns guns guns. Where were we? Oh yeah, guns! Guns guns guns guns guns guns guns. The past twelve months were yet another banner year for guns in this country. In an era when so many of our civic institutions feel as if they have broken down, it’s nice to know that America still excels in the arena of “lunatics shoot people and then everybody yells at each other about it.” Congrats to all Americans for getting in on this robust industry with seemingly unlimited growth potential. Read more on Praise The Lord And Hit The Deck: Your 2014 Gun-Fun Roundup!…
  another country heard from

Joe The Plumber Has Opinion No One Asked Him For And No One Is Interested In Hearing

Of all the dimwitted leaking anal polyps rushing to write nine million words this weekend about Friday night’s terrible murder spree, of all the jabbering imbeciles determined to scream that “Guns don’t kill people!” and “Should we ban knives too, libtard?” and “My freedoms, you shall not take them!”, you know what washed-up cultural figure we most anxiously hoped would weigh in? No, not Sarah, Snow Queen of the Tundra. Obviously we were waiting to hear from Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Not-Plumber, who took to his website to hunt and peck the letters he needed for words to compose this masterpiece. Read more on Joe The Plumber Has Opinion No One Asked Him For And No One Is Interested In Hearing…
  what's next? no land mines at burger king?

Jack In the Box Kowtows To Common Sense, Moms, And Wimps And Won’t Allow Guns In Store

Let’s set the stage. You are drunk and/or high, and need a burger. You go to your local Jack in the Box. Just as you are ordering, the French fries start attacking you. Luckily, you are strapped, so you are able to defend your freedom or stand your ground and Second Amendment those fries to hell. Phew, good thing you had that gun, because fast food joints can be scary places. What’s that? Gun-grabbing ninnies are about to side with the terrorist anti-freedom fries? Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America is thanking Jack in the Box for its statement out today that it will begin enforcing the company’s no-firearms-in-stores policy. Fuck us, man. This is scary. Will someone please tell us how scary? Perhaps Daily Caller can bring this into perspective? Why do these moms demand mass shootings? This is just the type of level-headed, even-handed journalism we need to protect ourselves from these moms that clearly want to turn every Jack in the Box into Newton times Columbine plus Navy Yard! Stupid moms — why do they love mass shootings so much?  Read more on Jack In the Box Kowtows To Common Sense, Moms, And Wimps And Won’t Allow Guns In Store…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekend Mixtape Of Rightwing Noise

Here we are with another collection of stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but that we just couldn’t bring ourselves to waste a full-length post on. Think of it as the Arby-Q of Wonkette posts. Let’s start with the latest from longtime Wonket pal Larry Klayman, who was at it again last week with yet another call for a military coup against Barack HUSSEIN Obama, saying it’s time to “Occupy Washington” to cleanse the nation of the half-Muslim, anti-white, socialist fraud in the White House before the nation goes under for the final count. You, know, the usual: Benghazi, Fast-n-Furious, the “betrayal” of Seal Team 6, and so on. Klayman has given up on the courts (they won’t see the light and declare the birf certificate a fraud) and Congress (they’ll never impeach), but happily, he’s set up his own “citizens’ grand juries” (you know they’re serious, ’cause they have a website) that are on the verge of finding Obama and other traitors guilty of Big Crimes. Once those convictions come down, Klayman doubts that Obama will “surrender himself to the people’s system of justice for incarceration,” so he’s calling on “all American patriots, once we obtain this conviction, which we will shortly, to converge on Washington”: Millions should stand in front of the White House and other national treasures and demand that Barack Hussein Obama leave. If the Egyptians can do this with regard to another radical Muslim, former president Mohamed Morsi of the Muslim Brotherhood, then can’t we Americans do it with Obama? And, when we do converge on and “Occupy Washington” in the millions on a date to be announced for the week before Thanksgiving, the people may think about chanting: “Mr. President (to use the term loosely), put the Quran down, get up off your knees and come out with your hands up!” We really have to remember to check back in November when THAT happens. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekend Mixtape Of Rightwing Noise…
  seems reasonable

NH Senate Candidate Jim Rubens: Mass Shooters, Serial Killers Just Standing Their Ground Against The Matriarchy

On this fine morning we are pleased to present a genuine rarity: A Republican politician who seems sincerely worried about mass shootings! Former New Hampshire State Sen. Jim Rubens, who is officially eyeing Jeanne Shaheen’s US Senate seat, made the following Valuable Contribution to the Discourse in a 2009 blog post: Women already outnumber men in management, professional, and related occupations. Men are charged with 82 percent of violent crimes and 89 percent of murders, women with 53 percent of embezzlements and 45 percent of frauds. Over the period 1974 to 2000, 71 percent of school shooters — all of them were males — had been previously bullied, persecuted, or physically injured. Over the last century, between 75 and 85 percent of the world’s serial killers were American and 90 percent were men. Serial killing victimization rates exploded by about 35 times between the 1950s and 1980s. Bottom line: the collaborative, flexible, amorphously-hierarchical American economy is shutting out ordinary men who were once the nation’s breadwinners in living-wage labor and manufacturing jobs. Because status success is more vital to the male psychology, males are falling over the edge in increasing numbers. Interesting thesis, Jim Rubens! If we may offer a few points in rebuttal: Wow. Really? … Wow. Read more on NH Senate Candidate Jim Rubens: Mass Shooters, Serial Killers Just Standing Their Ground Against The Matriarchy…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Being Ugly And Vile

Golly, it’s been a busy week for the ol’ comments queue! Our first offering to the goddess Deletia is from the subject of one of our recent posts, Lee Stranahan of Ghost Breitbart’s Home for Endless Rightwing Butthurt. Sad Lee haz a sad because we did not recognize that his post about Matthew Shepard’s murder was a brilliant analysis of the left’s perfidy: I know you think it’s hip to form an ugly, vile little snark mob. Really, it’s just ugly and vile. And since you can’t actually counter the facts in my piece, it’s all straw men and bafflement. Got it. Not impressed. It’s exactly why I ran screaming from left. [sic] He then went on to identify the particular facts that we had been ugly and vile about. (Ha-ha, we are joking you of course! He just thinks we’re ugly and vile, and a snark mob). Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Being Ugly And Vile…
  classy

Dana Loesch’s Desk Is A Joyous Celebration Of Violence

It was Sunday, fifty years to the day since the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama. Dana Loesch, feeling head to toe like someone Nielsen would rate as one of the top 16 most powerful mothers online, was sitting at her desk. The Misfits played softly: it was that song with the guitars and the yelling, her favorite. She looked over her desk, and she saw something, a “vignette,” maybe — she’d have to look it up — and instantly she knew: the world must learn of this.  So she Instagrammed that shit: “Nice,” said Dana to her grenade. Read more on Dana Loesch’s Desk Is A Joyous Celebration Of Violence…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?

With the astronomical amounts of derp spewing into the atmosphere over the IRS, the AP, and BENGHAZI!!!!11!!!!, it is easy to forget that Americans continue every day to shoot each other with guns in ever more inventive ways. Lucky for you that yr Wonkette is here to remind you that every time you think the great American Experiment has dug deep enough down the mineshaft of Stupid to hit rock bottom, we can always break through the rocks to find another layer. Take this particular specimen of dumbassery. What was that about arming more school employees, Wayne LaPierre? Fantastic idea. We can’t wait for the first time some police department reject working armed security accidentally kills a first-grader and the school district gets sued into oblivion. Hmmm, Aurora, why does that sound familiar? Has that place been in the news for a gun-related incident recently? There is no word on how significant this high schooler’s significant injury might be. Hopefully the kid doesn’t lose his leg. Maybe this is all a secret plot to get us to home-school our children? Yr Wonkette is going to seriously consider it for this reason alone, should we ever be lucky enough to settle down and start a family, or accidentally knock up some floozy, whatever. Read more on Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?…
  not afraid to be servicey

Learn ABC’s 11 Weird Tricks To Surviving A Mass Shooting!

Mass shootings! It is like, they are everywhere, lol! And when someone comes at you with 14 guns and 5,000 rounds of ammunition right after they got out of prison for murdering their wife and inlaws, because seeing if someone is a law abiding citizen before selling them weapons discriminates against people who are law abiding citizens (MATH SCIENCE OF WORDS!), well, you are probably going to die! Hey what can you do, right? Well, according to ABC “News,” there are 11 things you can do, because it is ever so much easier to survive a mass shooting than it is to do something about it that poll unskewer Heidi Heitkamp’s constituents do not like. Read more on Learn ABC’s 11 Weird Tricks To Surviving A Mass Shooting!…
  see you next tuesday

Connecticut Rep. To Gabby Giffords: Newtown Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us

(Above: Former Congresswoman Gabby Giffords Politicizes the Pledge Of Allegiance) Connecticut state representative (and Assistant Republican Leader) DebraLee Hovey simply did not care for former Congresswoman/current private citizen Gabby Giffords swanning into HER towns (plural) to be all POLITICAL by meeting privately and sans press with the grieving families of Newtown as though she had some sort of unique perspective and/or ability to understand what the families were going through when everybody knows the truth is that Giffords is Pol Pot plus Obama times 9! Why, Hovey did not care for it so much that she took time out from her busy Palm Beach “St. Pete Beach” vacation to put it on her Myface page! Read more on Connecticut Rep. To Gabby Giffords: Newtown Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us…
  guns don't kill people ... oh fuck it

An Armed Guard At Every Out Of Control Blaze

By now, you have all probably heard that four firefighters were shot (two of them fatally) while responding to a fire in upstate New York. There is only one solution for this (obviously) and that is to station armed guards at every raging fire, in addition to the armed guards we will have in the following locations: Read more on An Armed Guard At Every Out Of Control Blaze…