Tag: maryland

Jesus was a party animal.

Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?

Time for a dispatch from the ever-changing, goalposts-moving definition of the phrase "religious freedom." All these whiny bitchy wingnuts have been protesting that they DO NOT EITHER hate the gays, but it violates their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™ to do...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Give Us All Your Moneys, Psychic Jesus Needs A Butt Injection

Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly compendium of swindlers, frauds, and con artists, all of them here for YOU, dear readers, with the divine guidance to help you through all the traps and pitfalls that El Diablo can throw your way. Side...
Coulda been worse. They coulda sent Slayer.

Oops, U.S. Military Accidentally Ships Live Anthrax All Over The Place

Oh, man, were there some red faces at the Dugway Proving Ground in Utah when it was discovered that the Army lab there had accidentally sent out live samples of anthrax to labs in six states and South Korea....
Sorry you just broke your monitor because this picture gave you such a boner.

Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples

Don't you hate it when you're watching the evening news with your mom and they say "BREAKING!" and it's a story about how a Picasso sold for $179M at Christie's auction, so you freak out because you just know...
She'd like a word with you, Baltimore

Justice Department Looking Into Why Baltimore Police Department Is So F*cked Up

Our new (finally) Attorney General Loretta Lynch has been on the job for all of five seconds, but she's already making it clear she will carry out Eric Holder's secret plan to reverse-racism race war America. Lynch announced on...
Pppppplease!

Mean GoFundMe Refuses To Raise Cash For Allegedly Murderous Baltimore Cops

Why does GoFundMe hate the wingnuts so much? It seems like every day, somebody is putting up a campaign, only to have it canceled, just because the beneficiaries of the sweet wingnut cash quote unquote "broke laws." First you...
Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Poverty Is A Myth Because Poors Are Fat And Lazy

We got a bumper crop of idiots in the comments this week, for some reason -- our fault, really, since Yr Wonkette had to go and stir up trouble by writing stuff about the poors, the blacks, the gays,...
"Screw you, kid"

What If We Cut Off Food Stamps And Starve The Poors In Baltimore? That Might Work!

Baltimore's citizens are as mad as hell and sick and tired of being sick and tired, and every jerkhole with a mouth has an opinion about what they really need to shut 'em up and make 'em stop being...

Surprise, Baltimore Police Are Pretty Much Constantly Beating And Paralyzing People

The city of Baltimore is enraged this week, after the arrest and subsequent suspicious death of a young African-American man name Freddie Gray, while he was in police custody. Details are hazy at this point as to what exactly...
Except in this case, the kids are fine and the "adults" are terrible. Some of them. Just read the story.

Maryland Finds ‘Free Range’ Children At Park, Throws Them In Baby Jail

You might remember that back in January we had a story about these nice parents -- actually nice nice, not Wonkette "they seem nice" nice -- in Silver Spring, Maryland, who were investigated for "neglect" for the offense of...
hands off my benefits

States Find Cash Cow: It Is Impoverished Kids in Foster Care, Hooray!

If you are a child in foster care, things are probably not going your way. You're not living with your parents, and a state agency is in charge of you. You're probably very poor, and maybe you are disabled....
Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-You're Welcome)

Hell-Raising Sen. Barbara Mikulski Retiring To Spend More Time Raising Hell

Sad news for those of us who like FeistyTM (that's the obligatory adjective for chicks who don't take no crap) lady Democrats in the Senate: Maryland Democrat Barbara Mikulski will not seek a sixth term in the Senate in 2016....
Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter Kirby Delauter

Whiny Maryland Politician Kirby Delauter Orders Reporter To Keep His Name Out Her Mouth

It's always reassuring to get a reminder that people who make laws have no freaking idea how the law actually works. Latest example: one Kirby Delauter, a member of the Frederick County Council in Maryland, who did not like...

Local Fox Reporter Fired Just For Making Boring Story More Fun And Less True, Unfair!

A Fox affiliate in Baltimore fired an award-winning reporter following an artful act of interpretive truth. What's journalism coming to when its most skilled practitioners aren't allowed to edit a video to totally change the meaning of people's words and make...
Add your cheerful execution joke here

Maryland Governor Kills Death Sentences, Ruins Fun For Execution Enthusiasts

Maryland's outgoing Gov. Martin O'Malley either took a commonsense action that will save the state money and months of court fights, or trampled all over the cause of justice Wednesday, when he announced that he would commute the death...
Seems it comes earlier every year

Bill O’Reilly Will Fight All The Muslims In The War On Christmas

It's that time of year again. The first snows are falling, the college kids are planning their trips home for Thanksgiving break, and the calls for impeaching the president are stretching into their sixth year. And so, it it time...