Tag Archives: mary landrieu

  Accurate reporting is a liberal conspiracy!

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Behind that mask is a very sad face.
Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O’Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office so O’Keefe could, we don’t know … bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with “journalists” like O’Keefe! Whatever it was, O’Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying. Read more on Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  Meet your new surgeon general -- finally

Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children

We start seizing all the guns now, right?
In a stunning and unusual act of doing their job, senators finally confirmed Dr. Vivek Murthy for surgeon general, a position that has remained vacant for more than a year because it’s not like that’s one of those important jobs. Unless, of course, there’s an outbreak of Ebola — or at least an outbreak of Ebola paranoia — in which case, it’s kind of handy to have some dude or dudette already on the payroll, ready and able to explain some basic healthcare stuff to Americans like they’re idiots, which they are, so you don’t have to scramble to appoint someone Czar Of Calming Down Idiot Americans Over Ebolamania. Read more on Senate Confirms Surgeon General Even Though He Thinks Murder Is Bad For Children…
  Here have some news n stuff

RINO George W. Bush Totally Supports Obama’s Goal Of Beating Bad Guys

Is this guy even a Republican?
George Dubya gave an interview on CNN and said some stuff. Like how when he heard about the grand jury in New York refusing to indict the cop who choked Eric Garner to death, it made him “sad that race continues to play such a, you know, kind of emotional, divisive part of life.” And how if his brother Jeb runs for president, he will SO full-on win. And also how it was a real comfort to him sometimes, when he was president, that his daddy had been president too, because his daddy could, like, totally get it, man. Read more on RINO George W. Bush Totally Supports Obama’s Goal Of Beating Bad Guys…
  Dupe Dupe Dupe Dupe Of Oil Oil Oil

Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline

Now how can we show our love for the tar sands?
This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Clean Gas and Clean Coal and Clean Oil Spills and Clean Tar Sands and Word Salad. In a vote that either killed the economy forever or rescued the environment forever, the U.S. Senate last night fell one vote short of passing a bill calling for immediate approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The bill was supposed to magically make Louisiana Republicans like Sen. Mary Landrieu, although it’s not clear how. But Landrieu was not quite able to round up enough Democrats to support the bill, and now she is reduced to hoping that saying nice things about National Adoption Day will get her reelected. Read more on Dems Reject Mary Landrieu Job Preservation Act, Beautiful Tar Sands Pipeline…
  Here have some news n stuff

John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!

Finally a reason to smile
For a guy who keeps insisting he will impeach the hell out of Obamacare, Weeper of the House John Boehner sure does seem to like it. A LOT. Now that he is 65 years orange, he’s eligible for Social Security and Medicare, as his good friend across the aisle and excellent Twitter troll Nancy Pelosi reminded him. You’d think he’d be so grateful to finally be able to opt out of a health insurance system he hates so he can opt in to the taxpayer-funded socialized healthcare system known as Medicare. But no! Read more on John Boehner to Medicare: Drop Dead!…
  Science Is For Dorks

Mitch McConnell Is Not A Scientist, Except When He Is

SCIENCE, BETCH
Mitch McConnell is not a scientist — just ask him! The next Senate Majority Leader does not care much for science, with all its high-falutin’ book-larnin’ and its incomprehensible metric system and what have you. However, when it comes to the Keystone XL pipeline, McConnell actually is a scientist, or at least he’s decided that science is a useful cudgel when he can wield it in support of his preferred policies. Rebecca Leber at The New Republic tells us all about McConnell’s change of heart as regards the Mary Landrieu Career Preservation Act, also known as the upcoming Keystone XL bill. Read more on Mitch McConnell Is Not A Scientist, Except When He Is…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)

Best jazz hands in the business
Rachel Maddow brings us this lovely follow-up to her Tuesday-night WTF at Senate Democrats’ decision to just give up on confirming Loretta Lynch as attorney general. Get ready for more WTF: The Senate isn’t apparently going to confirm any of the 160 Obama nominees, but as a special favor to Louisiana’s Sen. Mary Landrieu, it will schedule a vote on the Keystone XL pipeline, which will of course not actually help Landrieu win her Dec. 6 run-off against Bill Cassidy, because why would oil-lovers go for Landrieu when they can have the guy who actually sponsored the thing in the House? Maybe Senate Democrats are thinking of the upside? Passing the Keystone XL may not really help Landreiu, Maddow, notes, but hey, it will Read more on Morning Maddow: WTF, Senate Democrats, Part Deux (Video)…
  soul searching

Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct

With votes.
On Monday, beltway bullshit scorecard POLITICO reported that nominal Democratic senators like Joe Manchin, Claire McCaskill, and Heidi Heitkamp appear eager to help the new Republican majority advance legislation. Manchin even called the idea of not working with Republicans to promote their agenda “bullshit.” They probably think that burnishing their “moderate centrist” credentials in this way will help them keep their jobs when they face the voters in 2018. They are wrong. Read more on Stop Wasting Money And Let Conservative Dems Just Go Extinct…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’

It’s October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin’s out on the campaign trail, makin’ darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the lever for the Republican Party’s vision of a plutocratic, latter-day know-nothing non-government. Sure, she might be stumping for two candidates who are in serious trouble, but that’s why she quit governoring Alaska, so she could serve as the cavalry in pivotal moments like this one. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Does Kegstands On The Senate. Eviscerates And Defenestrates Them Also Too

Whose Gridlock Is It, Anyway?
It’s midterms time, and Jon Stewart has his eye on the most important issues in the 2014 Senate elections: In Kentucky, Alison Lundergan Grimes showed Mitch McConnell the proper way to hold a gun, giving Stewart an excuse to do his McConnell as Cecil Turtle bit, ah-yup, so just go ahead and watch already. But there’s also the great debate over whether Alaska Sen. Mark Begich really rides a snow machine, and, more recently, the brouhaha (from a Sanskrit word meaning “Jesus, people think this is a big deal?) over Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu helping a college man from LSU do a kegstand (went in dumb — come out dumb too). “Who wants to do lines off my ass? Come on, everybody! Let’s party — the survival of Obamacare depends on it!” Read more on Jon Stewart Does Kegstands On The Senate. Eviscerates And Defenestrates Them Also Too…
  Profiles in Courage

Dianne Feinstein Joins Colleagues In Undermining Affordable Care Act, Thanks Obama!

Hey, you folks who live in states represented by United States Senators who are not unprincipled hacks with only a passing relationship to reality, we must ask: what is that like? See, here in our beloved adopted state of California we are represented by one Dianne Feinstein – or DiFi if you’re nasty – and good Lord and butter would we like to read one thing about her that does not make us want to stick a piano wire through our eyeball directly into our brain and then swirl it around for awhile. What is DiFi doing today to make us all stabby? Not much, just joining with Bill Clinton in wetting her pants because people who have been paying no attention to the Obamacare debate for the last five years suddenly realized “Holy crap, this is going to change our health insurance plans! What should we do?” Read more on Dianne Feinstein Joins Colleagues In Undermining Affordable Care Act, Thanks Obama!…
  speaking truthiness to power

Brave Warrior James O’Keefe Says Conservatives Should Be Brave, Have Big Balls Like Him

The last time we checked in with Mobile Ego Unit James O’Keefe, the nasty little spud was on the receiving end of a world-class cussing-out at the hands of former US Attorney Jim Letten, who didn’t want a free copy of O’Keefe’s stupid book. This weekend, O’Keefe went to flog his book on friendlier turf, an Eagle Forum podcast hosted by Phyllis Schlafly’s niece Anne Cori, where O’Keefe could be a victim of liberal persecution without actually having to go outdoors and get yelled at. O’Keefe had a message of tough love for fellow conservatives, who he worries are “afraid to be effective because to be effective is to be hated.” He did not consider an alternative hypothesis, which is that being hated is more the result of being an obnoxious little weasel. Read more on Brave Warrior James O’Keefe Says Conservatives Should Be Brave, Have Big Balls Like Him…
  daily caller's deep throat

Joe Biden, Done Killing That Dog, Now Murdering Small Businesses With His Very Existence

WELL WELL WELL, Mean Ugly Joe Biden! Not only have you murdered a Secret Service dog just to watch it die — do you really want to be Hillary Clinton that bad?? — but now you are SCANDALOUSLY ruining small business owners’ parking garage takes during Mardi Gras, by not-actually-closing-down the parking garage at all. Luckily, the Daily Caller is on the case to inform us of this shanda and your coldhearted ways! [W]hen the carnival season kicked off last weekend in southern Louisiana, one business failed to bring in the expected cash from the influx of revelers. That business, a parking garage company, says the blame lies with Vice President Joe Biden and the Secret Service agents who were protecting him Saturday during a visit to the city. “It was a big loss over the weekend,” Sterling Chauvin, the chief operating officer of the Premium Parking Service, explained in an interview with The Daily Caller. Oh yes, the Daily Caller will get to the bottom of this! Read more on Joe Biden, Done Killing That Dog, Now Murdering Small Businesses With His Very Existence…
  the jewish senator who saved christmas

Al Franken Lures Filibuster-Proof Majority of Senators With Secret Gifts

How do you trick 61 U.S. Senators into hanging out for a few hours without an eruption of bloodshed? You promise them a mystery holiday treat! It works on children, so why not? A very mischievous Al Franken snuck in a new “Secret Santa clause” to the Senate’s bazillion page protocol in an effort to bring a late-breaking smidgen of friendly behavior to the fancier chamber of Congress before the end of Government for the year/forever, hooray! (Do not worry, though, Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell are still in the process of Ruining Everything with an acrimonious new deadlock over the payroll tax cut extension today.) So who got what (besides America, who gets nothing)??? Remember, kids, there’s a ten-dollar limit! Read more on Al Franken Lures Filibuster-Proof Majority of Senators With Secret Gifts…