Mary and Heather Cheney with their infant baby girl, Suri.

The Cheney Dynasty has a few problems: Bad hearts and homosexuality are so prevalent that America’s children are in danger of not even having a Cheney to oppress them in the future.

The available evidence strongly suggests a member of the Bush Dynasty provided the sperm for Mary’s “virgin” birth. The Bushes reliably produce children and basically live forever. But which lucky “member” of the Bush Family helped the Cheney bloodline? Take our scientific poll, after the jump.

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Our crack team of Cheney Compound Spies never sleeps. Hot on the heels of the Mary Cheney pregnancy announcement, one Op saw evidence of mysterious rituals at the Vice Presidential Lair: MORE »

Congratulations to Dick & Lynne Cheney’s daughter Mary, who is now pregnant from sperm that presumably didn’t come from her “wife” Heather. You’ll recall that the Veep and daughter Mary spent Election Day hunting critters in South Dakota. Maybe that helps with conception. MORE »

* Jonah Goldberg really wants some holographic technology, ’cause regular internet porn just isn’t doing it for him any more. [The National Review] MORE »

Poor Mary Cheney. PageOneQ reports:

Mary Cheney’s book, Now It’s My Turn, has sold less than 6,000 copies since it hit bookstores…. With a reported advance of $1 million, Simon and Schuster would need to realize a profit of $166.66 on each book sold so far in order to break even, an impossible goal for a book with a cover price of $25.00.

Sales numbers from Neilsen Bookscan, as reported by the Advocate, indicate that during the week of June 3, the books sold 574 nationwide. This number, the Advocate reported, is 77% less sales than the number sold during the book’s first week on the shelves, 2,445.

Sounds like Mary should leave literary lesbianism to her Mom.

An report on a recent book signing by Cheney, after the jump.

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• Heard on the Hill: The Executive Committee of Periodical Correspondents has no love for cameras. . . Anti-immigration group delivers bricks to lawmakers. . . Two Grateful Dead band-members appear for Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt) tonight. [Roll Call]

• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Dick Cheney on Mary Cheney: “She got the writing gene from her mother. I never even finished my dissertation.” [NYDN]
• Inside Politics: Bush is not interested in Gore’s film. [WT]
• Inside the Beltway: Rep. Ted Poe (R-Texas) talks tough on immigration: “We are being invaded, we are being colonized, and there are insurgents from the nation of Mexico and their allies further south.” [WT]
• Reliable Source: National Park Service will now charge for wedding-day photo permits at D.C. landmarks. [WP]

• Reliable Source: Tipper Gore at the premiere of “An Inconvenient Truth”: “It ends with a message of ‘we can do it.’ [Al] doesn’t want people to go from denial to despair.” Moby, Lynda Carter, and Queen Noor were in the audience. . . Euan Blair is reportedly deciding between Yale and Harvard graduate programs. . . Ted Kennedy, Mary Cheney, Barack Obama, Tim Russert, Gary Hart, Pat Buchanan, Ariana Huffington, Karenna Gore Schiff, Cindy Sheehan, and Jim McGreevey are all making appearances at BookExpo 2006. . . Sean Penn to play Richard Clarke in upcoming film. [WP]

• Rush & Molloy: Halle Berry on Barack Obama: “I so love what he stands for and respect him so much that when I met him, I was a bit shaky.” [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: Chelsea Clinton was seen paying for her dinner with a “tall, lean dude.” [NYP]

Here’s a Mary Cheney story that didn’t make it into her new autobiography. From Muckraked: MORE »

• In speech tonight, Bush will call for thousands of National Guard troops to be deployed along the southern border as a temporary solution; “a number of Democrats and even a few key Republicans” have already “voiced skepticism or outright opposition.” Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.): “That’s a short-term fix, and I’m not sure that’s a very wise fix.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• GOP reaches out to activist base as Christian conservatives seek action on controversial issues such as gay marriage and abortion. [NYT, WSJ]
• Fearing their own political futures, House and Senate Republicans are increasingly divided and disloyal. [WP]
• Reports of domestic call logging “seemed to fly in the face of months of public statements and assurances from President Bush and his aides,” who have been “punctilious in discussing” NSA programs. [WP]
• Views of call logging split along party lines but strong majorities are concerned it’s just the tip of the iceberg and support congressional hearings. [USAT]

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Boy, how ’bout that Mary Cheney book? Huh? We’re pretty interested in that! Especially now that all the coverage of it has quoted and described in detail the only interesting parts. Her profile in the Post today is three pages of boring, but the last line kinda confused us. MORE »

• White House, in effort to win over critics, makes the “highly unorthodox move” of nominating Gen. Michael Hayden to head the CIA while announcing his new deputy. [WP, NYT, USAT]
• John Negroponte says Hayden is “independent-minded.” [WP]
• Former aide to Rep. Robert Ney (R-Ohio) pleads guilty to “conspiring to corruptly influence Ney’s official actions by showering him with gifts and trips.” [WP, NYT]
• Sensing “historic opportunity,” Democratic intellectuals and analysts argue over the best strategy forward. [NYT]
• American Bar Association downgrades rating of Bush judicial nominee Brett Kavanaugh; Senate Judiciary Committee holds unusual second hearing today. [NYT, USAT]
• CIA official resigns amid accusations of unethical behavior. [WP]
• What will the Bushes do about Katherine Harris? [NYT]
• Media blitz thrusts Mary Cheney in the limelight to promote her new memoir. [WP]
• Senate votes down limits on malpractice awards. [NYT]