Connie Mack and Mary Bono are getting married! We… almost care?? They’re kinda hot for congress people! And once you’ve written that sentence you know your life cannot get any more depressing. [Scripps]

• Heard on the Hill: The ballad of Dennis Hastert and crazy evangelist con artist K.A. Paul… Maryland Senate candidate Michael Steele spends an awful lotta time with the lobbyists at Quinn Gillespie and Associates. Try “two days a week, dialing for dollars” sez one, Steele denies it… DC Magazine runs picture of Rep. Mary Bono (R-CA) and her boyfriend, Rep. Connie Mack (R-Fla). Captions it Bono “and guest.” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Hillary Clinton’s mom has moved in with her… Mary Matalin compares her husband James Carville to Kim Jong-il. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Republicans hold fundraisers on golf courses surrounded by rich people… George Allen takes the money donated by Mark Foley, gives it to anti-porn group headed by Donna Rice. [Examiner]
• Rush and Molloy: Gore Vidal (god bless him) says Eleanor Roosevelt had “a Sapphic passion” for Amelia Earhart. Earhart was kinda creeped out. [NYDN]

• Heard on the Hill: Let’s start with the best gossip first: “81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) was cited for lewd and disorderly conduct after police arrested him allegedly having sex with a 38-year-old woman in a car outside a pizza joint.” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Giants slugger Barry Bonds was at Kelly’s Cajun Grill at the Pentagon City food court Tuesday, American Idol is coming to Capitol Hill in September for some kind of something involving America’s favorite couple, Mary Bono and Steny Hoyer. [WP]
• Fox 411: George Clooney breaks up with Steven Soderbergh to start a new production company with Good Night, and Good Luck co-creator Grant Heslov. [FOXNews]
• Page Six: Lindsay Lohan falls down again. [NYP]

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• Cindy Adams: Cindy Adams told you that Patrick Kennedy would get cuddled, coddled by Cap Police. [NYP]

• Reliable Source: Everyone in Congress loves Cher. Mary Bono’s spokesperson says they’re “like family” … Barely any Washingtonians on People’s “Hottest Bachelors” list. [WP]

* Reliable Source: Henry Hager slips a note to Jenna Bush at Asia Nora. Her response: “I thought you were proposing! I nearly [soiled] my pants!” [WP]
* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Mary Bono (R-Calif.) contends her $165,200 salary isn’t enough to send her son to college. . . Rep. Bart Gordon (D-Tenn.) was the Fastest Member of Congress in the Capital Challenge 5K. . . Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) spotted at New Jersey Turnpike rest stop with “younger-looking woman.” [Roll Call]
* Page Six: Senior advisor to McCain joins forces with two former aides to Pataki. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Al Gore would rather teach than be president. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Maureen Dowd complains about weight gained on her book tour. [NYDN]

As seen in Heard On the Hill today, we present the MySpace page of Chesare “Chez” Bono, son of Sonny and Mary (R-CA).

Chez is far less reticent than other political children to discuss his family on public websites: MORE »

“Boy,” you say to yourself. “There are a lot of things about the workings of our legislative branch that weren’t covered by Schoolhouse Rock. Where can I go to learn all that stuff the Liberal Edutainment Industry doesn’t want me to know?”

Right here, chief. We got ourselves a pet Hill Staffer who’s dying to hear from you. He wants nothing more than to answer your questions. This week, Unnamed Junior Offical covers congressional sex (again — you people really need a hobby), official letters from MAVERICKS, and, naturally, soup. Catch up on your civics, after the jump. And make sure to send us more questions by shooting us an email with “Ask a Hill Staffer” in the subject line.

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So the Post did this thing where they “morphed” a couple representatives’ faces with those of (MAVERICK RENEGADE LONE WOLF ETC. ETC.) John McCain and Hillary Clinton. We’re not sure why, but they seem to think it’s important. The end result: a touch of Hillary makes any anonymous pol more likable. John, though, just makes you look untrustworthy and puffy. We do think Senator McCain is perfectly likable — doesn’t everyone have an uncle who looks like him? But that doesn’t translate to electability. We would never want that particular uncle in any position of responsibility. Still, though, it’s hard not to think their methodology a little suspect. Who would you rather vote for: cute li’l Mary Bono (R-CA), or the “Paula Vaughn” the amalgam?
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Last week, we introduced you to our helpful Hill staffer friend. Still recovering, as are most at the Capitol, from his three-day weekend, he sobered up just long enough to answer more of your questions.

Today, our man on the inside tackles (and peppers) Hill living, Hill drinking, hot chicks, and, of course, commemorative flags.

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• Reliable Source: Dick and Lynne Cheney, Stephen Breyer, and Karen Hughes attend book party for Elizabeth Ironside hosted by her husband, British Ambassador Sir David Manning. . . Offices of Mary Bono (R-Calif.) and Connie Mack (R-Fla.) deny congressional romance. [WP]
• Under the Dome: Some blame Hillary for “Carpetbagger Curse” on the Yankees. . . Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) fits into Democratic gala by dancing. . . Former aide to Wellstone will publish guide for progressive candidates. [The Hill]
• Inside Politics: Prosecutors lack physical evidence for money-laundering charge against DeLay. . . National Review calls for Miers to withdraw her nomination. [WT]