Tag Archives: martha coakley

  very vague sex crimes

So Scott Brown Wants To Rape Martha Coakley With a Curling Iron?

Jesus, New York Times, if you would just quote the “something vulgar” rather than leave us all guessing, maybe the voters of Massachusetts would know whether Scott Brown is laughing about sodomy or rape or rape-sodomy or whatever. Read more on So Scott Brown Wants To Rape Martha Coakley With a Curling Iron?…
  if john kerry can't fix it...

John Kerry Could Verily Be Brought To Fisticuffs

John Kerry, who polls suggest is one of only a handful of Democrats remaining in Massachusetts, is furious over the Naked Republican’s insurgent campaign, calling his supporters “tea baggers” and all. He’s already rolled up one sleeve, don’t make him roll up the second! Because then… well then he might have to write a principled letter to the Washington Post — FOR PUBLICATION. Boom. [Boston Globe] Read more on John Kerry Could Verily Be Brought To Fisticuffs…
  uhh ...

The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now

Where do the Teabaggers in Texas who are phone-banking Massachusetts households come up with this shit? “I just got a polling call about Martha Coakley. I also had to answer questions about gay marriage, Israel, and malaria, including this one: ‘In World War II, 6 million Jews were killed by the Nazis. Now 6 million Israelis live under constant threat of attack from Islamic extremists. Meanwhile, 1 million women and children in sub-Saharan Africa die each year from malaria. The United Nations could use its billions of dollars to protect the people of Israel or to prevent the spread of malaria. In your opinion, is the threat to security in Israel a more pressing concern that should immediately be addressed by the United Nations than the epidemic of malaria in Africa?'” Umm… green balloons? [Balloon Juice] Read more on The Best Phone Survey In Massachusetts Right Now…
  fiddling with the rules

Joe Biden To Eat The Filibuster

Hilarious constitutional technicality that we sometimes forget: Joe “Fuck Yeah” Biden is literally President of the Senate. This means that he can do whatever he wants, to the Senate! And with Democrats possibly POSSIBLY losing a Senate seat in their precious Massachusetts tomorrow, maybe he will just “jaw down” the filibuster: “As long as I have served … I’ve never seen, as my uncle once said, the Constitution stood on its head as they’ve done. This is the first time every single solitary decisions has required 60 senators… No democracy has survived needing a super majority.” So if Coakley loses tomorrow, Joe Biden will go nuclear and apply Secret Senate Rule XLVIII: “If Joe Biden says ‘hey fillybuster, fuck off already, JESUS…’, then the filibuster is dead.” [Ben Smith] Read more on Joe Biden To Eat The Filibuster…
  naked people and the things they do

Scott Brown Getting Smeared Over Recent Terrible Scott Brown Comment

Naked Massachusetts superstar Scott Brown made this dumbshit comment on some teevee show the other day, about Barack Obama’s mother maybe possibly not being married very much? when she pooped out the current president. But wait! Brown’s campaign released a response to the resulting liberal smear campaign: “He doesn’t believe that. This is more desperate campaigning from Martha Coakley. When she isn’t calling for higher taxes, she’s making things up about Scott Brown.” See? Martha Coakley was the one who made this comment on the teevee after all. COAKLEY, YOU FOOL! [Blue Mass Group, The Plum Line] Read more on Scott Brown Getting Smeared Over Recent Terrible Scott Brown Comment…
  $#@$@#fweR3223

C’MON NOW WHAT THE HELL: Supposedly Martha Coakley is losing by three points in her own internal polling, which has a well-known liberal bias. If you’re in Massachusetts on Tuesday, maybe you should go out and vote for this non-Scott Brown lady. MASSACHUSETTS. Dear god. [Steve Kornacki] Read more on …
  omg so much political capital on the line!

OBAMA TO CAMPAIGN FOR MISS ROBOT THIS WEEKEND: Hooray! Barack Obama has listened exclusively to Wonkette’s advice and will campaign for Martha Coakley & Thugs in Massachusetts this Sunday. Marc Ambinder has listed 10,000 specific political expert reasons for him to do this. SHORT VERSION: because c’mon, gotta win it, right? [Marc Ambinder] Read more on …
  america's greatest campaigns

Democrats Bring Out All The Stops In Blitz For Coakley

Hey, does anyone know anything about this Martha Coakley lady? Well in that case, here’s our campaign strategy: KENNEDY KENNEDY KENNEDY TED KENNEDY TED KENNEDYTED KENNEDYTED KENNEDYTED KENNEDY TED KENNEDY. Then say “Swift Boat!” too, because that’s what they did to dead KENNEDYTED back in aught-four. It was terrible! [DSCC] Read more on Democrats Bring Out All The Stops In Blitz For Coakley…
  let's call this 'campaigning for her'

Barack Obama Dares Shoot Internet Video Supporting Martha Coakley

Barack Obama needs your help, sheeple! The broad up there in Massachusetts, Martha Coakley, just has zero fucking clue what she’s doing or what’s going on at all, so maybe volunteer and pass some leaflets around for a few days, jesus… [The Plum Line] Read more on Barack Obama Dares Shoot Internet Video Supporting Martha Coakley…
  watering the tree of liberty

Great Hero Shoves Weekly Standard Staffer

In a burst of violence the likes of which this planet has not seen ANYWHERE since at least the Kenneth Gladney/Union Thugs Incident, a Thug working with the Martha Coakley senatorial campaign MAULED Weekly Standard writer John McCormack in cold blood last night in Washington D.C. Why was Martha Coakley in Washington D.C. last night, less than a week before her extremely vital and surprisingly close Massachusetts special election? Probably something to do with her WORST CAMPAIGN EVER tactical losing strategy. Read more on Great Hero Shoves Weekly Standard Staffer…
  very important serious gaffes

OH HO HO WE BETTER CHANGE OUR VOTE: “BOSTON — In the race to succeed the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, U.S. Senate candidate Martha Coakley went on the attack Tuesday with a sharply worded television ad attacking her Republican rival Scott Brown, but the rush to production led to a misspelling of Massachusetts, WCVB-TV reported.” Journamalism at its finest, WCVB! BUT SERIOUSLY DEMOCRATS: Try not to lose Massachusetts and a 60th vote to that mean old porn star. [WCVB] Read more on …
  meet your candidates

Boring Lady Person Officially Trying To Steal Ted Kennedy’s Memorial Senate Seat

It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus] Read more on Boring Lady Person Officially Trying To Steal Ted Kennedy’s Memorial Senate Seat…