Wonkette

* Ancient Canadian comic to host White House correspondents’ dinner — thanks, Stephen Colbert! [E&P]
* Attack on Iran, come she will. [Arab Times]
* Don’t ever change, The Note. You’re perfect just as you are. [Think Progress]
* Mark Warner can quit campaigning anytime, really, he just likes it. [Hotline on Call]
* John McCain’s two favorite things: “straight talk” and when Wolf swirls his tongue. [Media Matters]
* Return of the “The Fairness Doctrine” could force all broadcast news to resemble Fox. [Captain's Quarters]
* War on drugs: still the undisputed champion of unwinnable wars. [Hit & Run]

Dammit, as soon as we got rid of the second bland white guy, the first one reconsiders. According to some guys, Mark Warner is maybe gonna rejoin the race for the presidency, mere months after mysteriously quitting. MORE »

It’s all cheap asses and skinflints in today’s Wonk’d with Clarence Thomas splurging on sesame chicken for his clerks, John Ashcroft trying to get to The Front Page before the free taco happy hour ends, and David Gregory hassling the hardest working independent booksellers in America. These succulent morsels plus what Mark Warner is still running for, and a GILF you’ve forgotten was still alive.

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Exploiting inter-personal power dynamics to one’s advantage is what Washington is all about — Neil Bush knows it and has mastered the art. And while John Negroponte takes it one day at a time, Mark Warner and John King get bossed around by their kids. These, plus Ken Mehlman on his downward spiral, using Google Earth to find Barbara Bush, and avoiding the notorious Evan Bayh stink-palm, behind the curtain.

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• Mark Warner gives up his presidential run. Why? Warner says, “I’m going to dodge those questions.” [WP, NYT]

• Republicans place North Korean nukes on the “Clinton’s fault” list, Democrats mention last 6 years. [WSJ]
• Panel questions capability of Iraqi leadership, will tell you the other things they question after the election. [WP]
• Republicans won’t “stay the course” with hopeless candidates, plan to “cut and run,” redistribute funding to closer races. [WP]
• Senate investigators release report re-confirming the Abramoff/non-profit payola brouhaha. [WP, NYT]
• Bush stumps for Hastert in Illinois, refers to him as, “the future speaker of the House.” [WP, NYT]
• Proof nothing was learned from the ’60s: ACLU is horrified to learn the Government monitors anti-war groups, sometimes calling them potential terrorist organizations. [NYT]
• Muhammad Yunus, Bangladeshi economist who pioneered micro-credit loans, wins the Nobel peace price. Bono continues hanging out with President Bush for some reason. [WP]

This morning, we asked why former Virginia Governor Mark Warner withdrew from apparently underway 2008 presidential campaign. Your suggestions mostly involved James McGreevey, for some reason. But there were a couple more options. So we’re putting it to a vote:

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Polls close tomorrow some time. MORE »

This man, former Virginia governor Mark Warner, is expected to, uh, preemptively drop out of the race for President at 11 today, according to Hotline (and now the AP). MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: The new issue of GQ features an obviously doctored photo of Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)… House Speaker Dennis Hastert is encouraging a boycott of Miller Brewing Company after they sponsored pro-immigration rallies in his district… Senator Chuck Schumer grew a beard and went to Paris on vacation. [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: The House’s new anti-Horse slaughter bill is being considered partly due to the influence of horse-lover Bo Derek… Chief Justice John Roberts’ six-year-old son: “Let me explain the government to you. There’s God, then there’s the president and then there’s my father.” [Examiner]
• D.C. Confidential: Karl Rove’s stepdad: gay. [Radar]
• Under the Dome: Pink magazine says nine women have a “good shot” at the presidency. [The Hill]
• Page Six: The following people are in New York seeking money for a presidential run: John Edwards, Mark Warner, Joe Biden, Evan Bayh, and John Kerry. [NYP]

It’s a very gay week in Wonk’d. Cher was at the Capitol, Andre Leon Talley was shopping for make-up in Dupont, and Jenna Bush was enjoying some musical theater. Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd gets man-handled at a Hill bar, and Wolf Blitzer is dropping some pounds and dressing sassy. Some bold-facers defy stereotypes though, like Wizards player Donell Taylor, shopping sans entourage, and Mark Shields, driving the way liberal pundits shouldn’t. At least you can always count on Wonk’d — and Katherine Harris’s taste in outfits.

Sooner or later everyone comes to Washington. When they do, it’s your duty as citizens of this fair city to make sure they get spotted and end up in these pages, er, screens. Whatever; just email us, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line, and the name of the sightee. You, the sighter, will remain anonymous — at least until your big break, when people start sending in sightings of you!

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