Wonkette

Mark Warner is a stud, especially from the Upper Deck of a Denver arena! What was he talking about, Change We Need? Changing energy? Saving the middle class? No: Changing the middle class. Yes We Can show those toothless gypsy whiners how to make a goddamn dollar every once in a while. MORE »

Here is a picture of handsome Mark Warner in the alternate reality computer game for dorks, Second Life. What amazing things will Mark Warner have to say tonight? Perhaps, “Please do not confuse me with the fellow who was married to Liz Taylor.” Or, “I am a human who has no lower jaw, only teeth.” But first, some other people… like Lilly Ledbetter from Alabama. MORE »

WARNER TO DELIVER FANCY KEYNOTE SPEECH: The Democrats have tapped former Virginia Governor Mark Warner to deliver the keynote speech at their little convention. Mark Warner’s great! He didn’t run for president this year, but he does have huge teeth, and he’s also going to win a U.S. Senate election this fall by like 30 points — in a slave state to boot! [AP]

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. MORE »

Remember when Jim Gilmore was running for President? No? That’s ok. It was only for like 2 seconds and he barely raised any money and then dropped out. But he was just using that as a springboard, because today he announced his intention to lose the race for the Senate seat being vacated by John Warner. Mr. Crazy Old Man Eyebrows (the picture doesn’t do them justice) will be running against the suave and well-coiffed Mark Warner, who is rich, pretty and likeable (and thus dogged by rumors of either being a womanizer or a gay). May the best hair win! [Jim Gilmore for Senate, Mark Warner for Senate 2008]

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Former Virginia governor and weird-looking multi-millionaire Democrat Mark Warner — apparently no relation to retiring 80-year-old Republican Senator John Warner — is announcing his run for the Senate maybe today. ([Hampton Roads]

This week, you guys spotted Iman, Mark Warner and Condoleezza Rice Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

John Warner is set to announce his retirement from the Senate in a minute or two (and probably will have announced it by the time we get this post up), setting up a total free-for-all in Virginia, where it was basically a given that he would continue being their Senator until the end of time. But one day someone noticed that John wasn’t actually raising any reelection money or setting up a campaign, and now Republicans are going to desperately try to hold on to a seat that, a couple years ago, woulda been a total given. Let’s take a look at some of the likely candidates: MORE »

* Nancy Pelosi’s mothering powers are so great she can excrete children at will. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Media coverage of Anna Nicole as lop-sided as she was. [Think Progress]
* Jack Cafferty takes a hack dig at Wolf, who by now has surely come up with something witty he could have said. [Passport]
* Cheney’s office now exists as a “super branch” outside the Governmental space-time continuum. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Marky Mark Warner won’t gun for Johnny John Warner’s Senate seat, may go for VA governor spot, again. [Vivian Paige]
* Lots more Republican scandals on the way, don’t change that URL! [The Blotter]

There is no coat in the land to protect you from the douche chills that will travel down your spine upon reading Anthony Weiner waxing eloquent about himself to his famous-for-DC-fucking dinner companion. Wary of being caught in a similar scene, Harold Ford Jr. takes his game to the more fertile dating fields of California. Others living up to their reputations this week: Dennis Hastert bangs down some bangers and mash, Joe Lieberman man-dates through Georgetown, and Barack Obama’s teeth throw off the white balance on cameras all over town. All these plus the last two people you’d ever want to see in an emergency, after you cross the police line.

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