Tag: mark sanford

In Which My Husband Takes Vicious, Belated Pleasure In General Sherman’s March To The Sea

There was a methy, crunchy-faced man in the gas station, glaring fire at us. My husband let his testosterone rise, ready to strike like a viper, should the need arise, at the man he contemptuously described as "what all...
She's sort of photogenic.

A Special Message From Me, Your Editrix, Writin’ At Ya!

Hey you guys it is me and Mark Sanford! Is it a PRETTY picture of me? No. You can pretend it is though! We ran into Mark Sanford (AND HIS MISTRESS AND SHE WAS GORGEOUS!!!!) out at brunch in...
Not sure if this is the judge or not, we just found it on the internet.

Arkansas Judge Invited Hot White Felon Boys Over For Sexytime. Totally Normal.

Judging is real tough because sometimes you're just going about your day and saying "GUILTY!" and "IT'S SLAMMER TIME, MAURICE," but then you get distracted by all the OMG CUTE WHITE GUY BUTTOCKS that came through your courtroom for...
Wonder if they have this book?

Sexy Republican Lawmakers Sorry For ‘Exchanging Documents’ In Each Other’s Pants

Did you hear about these two crazy kids in Minnesota? They are Republican state Reps. Tim Kelly and Tara Mack, and they are married, but not to each other. They were caught doing normal Republican legislator stuff to each other...
Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you.

Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!

Oh no, Josh Duggar has strayed from his Christian marriage by getting on the internet to find strange hoo-ha to dip his Duggar Stick into, and the Family Research Council, AKA the Southern Poverty Law Center-designated "family values" hate group where...
So long, farewell...

Sexting Missouri House Speaker Resigns, For Sexting, KTHXBAI!

Well, that was pretty darn quick! Just a day after his sexxytime texts with a college freshman intern became public, Republican Missouri Speaker of the House John Diehl is stepping down from both the speakership and his seat in...

Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)

So according to the World Of Cable Chatter, Alison Lundergan Grimes has completely destroyed her chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate because she didn't answer the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board's question about whether she voted for Barry Bamz...
Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Using Nerd Words Like ‘Wonkette’

We have been down to sump out the comments queue, and man, what a mess. We have quite the assortment, and let's get right to it with this brief note from "Vfunct," who was not impressed with our headline...
thinking ... thinking ... thinking ...

Mark Sanford So Sorry To Have Created All This Drama All By Himself

In case you missed it, which is impossible because no one missed it, Rep. Mark Sanford (R-Tragicville) felt compelled on Friday to share all of his personal turmoil on his Facebook page. All 2000-plus words of it, which we...
Nice "game"

Dead Children And A Deadbeat Dad: Mark Sanford’s Sad, Sleazy Divorce Hearing Transcript (EXCLUSIVE, FOR REAL)

In a post-divorce family court hearing transcript obtained by Wonkette, we learn even more sordid details about South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford and his divorce from ex-wife Jenny, including: That Mark was a deadbeat dad who was found in contempt...

Mark Sanford Leaves The Appalachian Trail; Also, That Chick He Was Banging

Here's a great way to round out the week: A trillion-word Ode To My Sorrowful Self by our favorite trail-hiking-enthusiast-slash-lovah, the dishonorable Rep. Mark Sanford (R-"Appalachia"). I apologize for the length of this post, but given the gravity of the...

Lovelorn Hiking Enthusiast Mark Sanford Can’t Believe His Ex-Wife Thinks He’s A Crazy Alcoholic

We don’t believe in an actual hell here at Wonkette, because nothing the Dark Lord Satan, Ruler of the Underworld, could dream up for our eternal torment can top the trauma in our life aboveground when we occasionally fire...

Wonkette After Dark: Your Politician Sex Scandal Choose Your Own Word-Lib!

Is it just us, or has it been a long time since we had a really revolting sex scandal? What was the last one, Bob Filner? That was a "good" one. We are trying to remember before that but...

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man...

Mark Sanford Briefly Relevant Again For Last Time In His Life

What would you think of Mark Sanford if we told you he was a philandering simpleton with the impulse control of an autistic starfish? If you are more than half of voters in yesterday’s South Carolina 1st Congressional District...

Jenny Sanford’s 2010 Book Suggests Mark Sanford Maybe A Bit Of A Dick

There's this exciting special election happening in South Carolina today between a comedian's sister and a hiking aficionado. This being South Carolina, the slime machine has been running at high RPMs, with nasty push polls making anonymous slurs against...