mark sanford
Mark Sanford Briefly Relevant Again For Last Time In His Life
What would you think of Mark Sanford if we told you he was a philandering simpleton with the impulse control of an autistic starfish? If you are more than half of voters in yesterday’s South Carolina 1st Congressional District special election, the bidding starts at “He ain’t the ‘bortion lady, right?” Mr. Sanford has defeated [...]
Jenny Sanford’s 2010 Book Suggests Mark Sanford Maybe A Bit Of A Dick
There’s this exciting special election happening in South Carolina today between a comedian’s sister and a hiking aficionado. This being South Carolina, the slime machine has been running at high RPMs, with nasty push polls making anonymous slurs against Elizabeth Colbert-Busch, and over the weekend, the Stupidest Man on the Internet ran — twice — [...]
Is Elizabeth Colbert Busch A Deadbeat ‘Bortion-Having Crime-Doer? We Are Just Asking
Oh, South Carolina, you are so very special, the way you keep the Confederate flag handy because the South is sooooo gonna rise again, y’all, and the way you voted for Newt Gingrich to be your Republican presidential nominee, and the way you just looooooooooove to believe the most shocking of rumors when some mysterious [...]
Mark Sanford Not Allowed To Fly Airplanes At His Children Anymore
When Mark Sanford — the disgraced former governor of South Carolina, wannabe-but-not-gonna-be congressman from the state’s 1st Congressional District, and the world’s most enthusiastic trail-hiker EVER — isn’t losing a debate to a cardboard cut-out of Nancy Pelosi, or losing a debate to his actual opponent Elizabeth Colbert Busch, or violating the terms of his [...]
In Space Mark Sanford Cannot Hear You Scream
Biggest Victim of Last Week Was Mark Sanford, Says Mark Sanford
Sad sex monster Mark Sanford took out a full-page ad in the Charleston Post & Courier on Sunday just to tell America: Mark Sanford knows that “it’s been a rough week.” It was a confusing time, these past days, and how about this media coverage last week, right? “The media does all of us a [...]
Mark Sanford Just Can’t Stop Doing Stupid Things In Public, Trespassing Edition
Oh, Mark Sanford, your personal life is really an unending delight. There was the disappearance mid-governorship, which gave us a delightful euphemism for sexytime that we can use now and forever more. There was the divorce. There was the soulmate. There were the emails of wooing that we hope never to read again. There was [...]
Disgraced Republican Horndog Mark Sanford Wins Thing
A few years ago Mark Sanford was enjoying his time in the national spotlight as one of those Republicans whose “nice” demeanor appealed to dull Politico reporters, and whose constant desire to kick the poors in the balls gave David Brooks tingly feelings in his swimsuit region. However within months of having his name being [...]
Mark Sanford To Admit Affair With 2014 Election
Remember Mark Sanford? He ran off with a lady friend while Governor of South Carolina and thereby graciously gave the world the phrase “hiking the Appalachian trail” as a euphemism for illicit sexytime. (If you are a person of a younger persuasion and do not remember this, just think of him like Anthony Weiner, but [...]
Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!
Oh happy day! We awake to the joyous tidings that former governor Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail) and his lady love, that chick he was flying off to South America to bang, have sealed their passions with an engagement! It’s like a fairy tale, you guys! The [Argentine] paper [Clarin] said Sanford arrived early at the [...]
Michelle Obama Cramps America’s Style With Her ‘Sharia-Couture’
Michelle Antoinette’s fashion atrocities continue to destroy lives overseas, but worry not, the fashion police are hot on her Allah-chic heels. [Michelle Obama's Mirror] Give the gift of jar-fetus to all the loved ones this Christmas with a Planned Parenthood buy-one get-one-free abortion coupon. [Now Public] Obviously you can’t water the Tree of Liberty with [...]
Man-Whore Mark Sanford Takes Obama’s Dirty Money, Like A Prostitute
March of 2009 was so very long ago that when you click this link you will be surprised that everyone in the story isn’t wearing chain mail and calling each other “thee” and “thou,” but back then South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was a guy with a future in politics, and if there’s one thing [...]
Mark Sanford Disappears, Returns, Makes Out With Ex-Wife
Yesterday The State, which is the New York Times of Columbia, S.C., asked one of the pertinent and perpetually relevant political questions of our time: Yo where Mark Sanford at? The question– which sparked a bloggin’ frenzy — for it was a sparking thing — arose after America’s Governor of Sexting failed to tell the [...]
Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too
Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, [...]
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