Wonkette

Hillary Clinton is going to have to dig a little deeper in her coterie of supporters if she’s going to weed out all the fat creeps who secretly love free Colombian trade. The latest snake in the grass: her husband, former President Bill Clinton. Where is that mythical bus, so that she can throw him under it? MORE »

We usually save the political cartoons for Fridays, but Jeff Danziger himself sent us this one today, and we are going to have terrible, terrible nightmares about Mark Penn tonight, again. [Danziger Cartoons]

Granted, there are no flattering representations of Mark Penn to be found anywhere in this space-time dimension, because Mark Penn has an unflattering face. However, the dot-jockey at the WSJ may have gone a little overboard with this one. Expose children to this image and they’ll be bed wetters for life. [WSJ]

In a conference call today with his PR firm’s managing directors, Hillary Clinton’s disgraced Colombian-loving rapacious Janus-faced lardbot Svengali and most despised chief strategist Mark Penn revealed that he isn’t really going anywhere. He will still be “very much involved” with the Clinton campaign but he won’t be called a chief strategist anymore. MORE »

You know who’s happy about Mark Penn finally quitting/getting fired from the Clinton campaign? Everyone except Barack Obama, who considered Penn his ace in the hole for winning this whole endless election. But now that we won’t have that old unctuous creep to kick around anymore, let’s see what the rest of the Internetosphere is saying about the Numbers Swami Who Fell To Earth. MORE »

Hillary Clinton’s chief strategist, Mark “Bowser” Penn, is relinquishing his position for the campaign and will soon return to his fiery lair in the sewers of Colombia, to eat. He was “pushed out” by campaign manager Maggie “Don’t give me no guff” Williams after consulting with the Colombians to forge a free trade agreement that Hillary opposes. Now he’s just another fat bum spewing fireballs out of his mouth. Why does everyone hate Mark Penn, you ask? Because he’s just kind of a dingus. [ABC News]

For a few sad weeks in March, beloved Clinton advisor Mark Penn mysteriously disappeared. We expected Hillary was loaning herself another $5 million to keep Penn chained up someplace quiet with a large collection of porn and snack foods. But in fact new reports tell us he has been meeting with the Colombian ambassador to discuss a bilateral free-trade agreement … which his boss Hillary Clinton opposes. Next thing you know he will be meeting with the CANADIANS to talk about how much he secretly loves Nafta. MORE »

In response to this post, which was magically linked from the front page of AOL.com. When the Apocalypse comes, will Mark Penn save us or them?