Wonkette

Oh hey look it’s the one human with a soul who ever worked on the McCain campaign, and he quit, a million years ago. Here he is at that Politico/Annenberg Skool panel talking about the time Al Gore’s BlackBerry nearly stole the election in 2000 by calling for a RECOUNT, which is the word you can’t hear at the end of this clip because our video editor (NEWELL) likes to keep things mysterious. [YouTube]

Whoa, someone on the McCain campaign — lead media strategist Mark McKinnon — isn’t a complete liar! And all it took to prove this was his resignation. McKinnon — who worked on both Bush Jr. campaigns before selling his soul to WALNUTS! — has been saying for a freaking year that if Obama were the Democratic nominee, he would quit the McCain team, because he thinks Obama’s too good a guy to smear. (He has issues, and he wears a cowboy hat). Lo and behold, McKinnon confirmed this afternoon that he is “transitioning, shifting position from linebacker to head cheerleader,” meaning he is a homosexual. Just know this, Mark: when Muslim Obama captures the White House and uses it to send nukes into West Virginia, the blood will be on your hands. [The Fix/Washington Post]

Texas Monthly has an interview with two of the strangest Republican consultants out there: Matthew Dowd, the mega-strategist behind George W. Bush’s two elections (who has since denounced Bush), and Mark McKinnon, McCain’s media strategist who has promised to quit the campaign if Obama is the Democratic nominee, because Obama is too nice to smear. How existentially tortured these two are! Why don’t we just make life simpler for Mark McKinnon, at least, and nominate Hillary. When asked if he’d feel comfortable smearing her instead of Obama, McKinnon responded, “Absolutely. I’d do it in a minute. I’d burn my house down to do it.” Hmm… maybe if he promises to go through with that WITH THE ADDITIONAL REQUIREMENT that Mitt Romney be inside the house, then… that would still not be funny enough to support Hillary Clinton right now. [Texas Monthly]

Mark McKinnon is Old Man McCain’s most beloved media adviser. When you’re running for president, it’s important to have the kind of loyal top staffers who will support you at all costs. That’s why McKinnon is telling the media that he’ll quit McCain’s campaign if Obama is the Democratic nominee. Wait, what? MORE »

Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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From yesterday’s Note: MORE »

* White House shake-up is directed at the midterm elections; Bolten is following a five-point plan that includes an “extremely visible enforcement crackdown at the Mexican border.” Bush advisor: “If we don’t keep Congress, there won’t be a legacy.” [Time]
* Osama Bin Laden releases new audio tape; analyst says intention is to provide a global posture for al Qaeda: “Bin Laden is a master craftsman at recognizing issues and knowing how to exploit these issues for his own purposes. He’s trying to enlarge the global conflict and is trying to incite and anger the Muslim world against the West.” [WP]
* Eight American troops have been killed over the past two days in Iraq; April will likely be the deadliest month this year. [AP]
* West Wing is said to feel “really weird right now” because “people are worried about their jobs,” says a senior official; aides “are on edge.” Mark McKinnon: “Karl has more bandwidth than anyone on the planet, but with the elections coming up, we have to make sure he has the time to concentrate on the big message.” Nicole Wallace on Bolten: “It was nice to cut right to the chase. He set a very honest and direct tone. It was kind of, ‘We’re going to get through all this together, and we need to step it up.’” [Newsweek, NYT]
* White turnout in the New Orleans mayoral election was double the norm; Lt. Gov. Mitch Landrieu could be the city’s first white mayor in nearly three decades. [NYT, WP]
* CIA is cracking down on leaks by subjecting dozens of employees to polygraph tests; top Democrats suggest a double standard exists about leaking for political purposes. [NYT, WP]
* Los Angeles Times editorial board calls for Bush to boot Cheney: “Having changed his tune, the president should also think about changing the company he keeps — big time, as Dick Cheney would say.” [LAT]

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* Reliable Source: Mark McKinnon compiles the Gang of 500’s favorite music. . . CBS considers a drama about Washington lawyers. [WP]
* Inside the Beltway: Sen. Robert Byrd welcomes spring: “Lovely, lovely spring. It takes a cold heart indeed not to love the springtime.” [WT]