Tag: mark halperin

Kellyanne Conway Losing Sh*t Over Sexist ‘Morning Joe’ Saying Daddy Trump Is Mad At Her

Look at these incompetent loons. Just look at them!

Dear Media: HI! GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Thanks a lot, media, for literally helping turn the world's greatest democracy over to a fucking tyrant.

‘Journalist’ Mark Halperin Has World’s Most Adorable Crush On Donald Trump

Halperin makes Chuck Todd look like a hard-hitting journalist.

What Is A Lie? A Philosophical Search For Epistemological Truth Starring This Trump Campaign Idiot

What is a lie? It is a thing Donald Trump cannot do, according to campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, because first he would have to know a thing.
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Donald Trump Exposes Lying Crooked Hillary’s Lies About BENGHAZI!!!!!1!!!!!!!!1111!!!1!

Trump has debuted LyingCrookedHillary.com, and it is a GAME CHANGER. (No it isn't.)

Fourth-Most-Famous David French, Bristol Palin’s Ghostblogger’s Husband, Running For President. Neat!

Who is David French? A weirdo scary man control monster freak. David French for president, yayyyyyy!

Hey Hillary Clinton Could You Pick Sarah Palin For Veep? That’d Be Great, Thanks

Idiot goes on TV, says Hillary Clinton will pick a female Republican to be her VP. We put this idea right where it belongs.

Wonkette Babby Wins All-Important New Hampshire ‘Morning Joe’ Primary

ALL HAIL WONKETTE BABY! You already know that, because you "all hail" her all the time. But if you were doing your normal routine Tuesday, which is obsessively staring at the respective Twitter feeds of Joe Scarborough and Mika...
Me is the president I have been waiting for!

Jeb! Bush Poised For Triumphant Comeback Literally Any Moment Now

Life sure sucks free-range rooster cock if you are Jeb Bush. But it also sucks if you work on Jeb's flailing presidential campaign, a term we are using very loosely at this point. If you're part of the Iowa ground...
Gross. Both of them.

Esteemed Teevee Journalist Would Like Ted Cruz To Say A Spanish, For Journalism

Mark Halperin is a hack whom everybody hates, who does hacky "journalism" and somehow, because the world is not fair, makes more money than yr Wonkette. Ted Cruz is an obnoxious, entitled asshole whom everyone hates, who has always...

Get Ready: Another White Dude News Explainer Website Coming At Ya

This weekend Bloomberg Media decided to double down on its political coverage with a game change of an announcement: the company has hired veteran stenographers John Heilemann and Mark Halperin to launch a new website that will cover America’s...

‘Double Down’ Campaign Book: Mitt Romney Made Fun Of Chris Christie For Being Big Gross Fatty

There's a new book out about the 2012 election that made Barack Obama dictator for life (again) and exiled Mitt Romney to the wolf-stalked beaches of Southern California. It's called "Double Down," probably after the KFC bacon and cheese...

Mitt Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned from Firing People

I like to learn a fun fact every day, and today I learned TWO fun facts! One is that people still actually read Time, and two is that Romneybot 6000 doesn’t have a scripted response to questions about what...

Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses

Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, "He Speaks," which is also Jesus-talk for "God said something important." Interesting...

Unliked Pundit Mark Halperin Is Suspended From TV, World Happy Now

Mark Halperin is that guy nobody likes who writes/jabbers about politics and Washington. In this way, he is also every pundit jabbering about Washington and politics on the cable news, but he is also especially awful. So the world...

Palin, Romney Get In First Cat Fight of 2012 Election

Apparently everyone decided yesterday was the start of the 2012 presidential election, and Mark Halperin of Time (or as Politico calls it, "Time" magazine, snarkily) reported that a "Romney intimate" (GROSS!) does not believe Sarah Palin is a...