mark halperin
Mitt Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned from Firing People
I like to learn a fun fact every day, and today I learned TWO fun facts! One is that people still actually read Time, and two is that Romneybot 6000 doesn’t have a scripted response to questions about what he learned from Bain or how Bain in any way qualifies him to be the president [...]
Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses
Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, “He Speaks,” which is also Jesus-talk for “God said something important.” Interesting information! Does Mark Halperin have something to “reveal?” Is Rick Perry God? Does He maybe have [...]
Palin, Romney Get In First Cat Fight of 2012 Election
Apparently everyone decided yesterday was the start of the 2012 presidential election, and Mark Halperin of Time (or as Politico calls it, “Time” magazine, snarkily) reported that a “Romney intimate” (GROSS!) does not believe Sarah Palin is a “‘serious human being,” correctly. So Politico called up a Palin intimate (ALSO GROSS), and that person does [...]
Harry Reid Can Stay, FOR NOW, Says Powerless Mitch McConnell, Who Doesn’t Care
Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has said a brave “the fuck I care” to his friends, Some Republicans, who are demanding that McConnell order Mark Halperin’s PR rep. Harry Reid to step down as Senate Majority Leader. “‘I think that is an issue for the Democratic conference,’ McConnell said at morning press conference at the Capitol. [...]
Sarah Palin Was Sent By God To Annoy Steve Schmidt!
Oh man this is what we get for not watching the sexy news show for old people, 60 Minutes. They had a JUICY SEGMENT last night about the hilariously awful McCain presidential campaign of 2008, with lots of scoopy revelations from top McCain adviser Steve Schmidt and also Washington’s reigning divas of snark, John Heilemann [...]
Mark Halperin Currently Making Out With Copy Of ‘Going Rogue’
Ooh la la! TIME magazine’s president of sadness, Mark Halperin, appears to be having the whack of his life right now, reading Sarah Palin’s book. Or at least someone Photoshopped to look like Mark Halperin is! (Fred Thompson??) What is the fake masturbating Mark Halperin/Fred Thompson computer robot discovering?
Mark Halperin Criticizes Other Media Figures And Judges Other Humans
Time magazine chief clownsack Mark Halperin, the reporter who modernized “bullshit” for the post-Cold War era, is cold goin’ nuts in this, the most anticipated edition of HALPERIN’S TAKE in 350 years. He actually produces some trenchant TAKES within his ten TAKES, but we all know that this is what’s really getting him all riled [...]
Halperin: Everyone Not Named ‘Sean Hannity’ Is WRONG About Palin
TIME magazine’s chief political sociopath Mark Halperin, who is right about most things, in politics, is urging readers of his The Page website to memorize Sean Hannity’s interpretation of Sarah Palin’s steamy resignation, oh boy. Sean Hannity says not to trust the media! Since such parameters would ostensibly include Mark Halperin, we agree with Sean [...]
LET’S JUST FUEL THIS MEGHAN MCCAIN/ANN COULTER FEUD FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES AND THEN KILL OURSELVES: Speaking of death, have you heard about this thing where Ann Coulter and Bill Maher are on a “debate tour” with Mark Halperin serving as moderator? Does one actually pay to attend this? In any event, Halperin asked [...]
HALPERIN: MCCAIN HAS UNFORTUNATELY TIMED ERECTION
Oh sure it’s an old joke, mispronouncing House minority leader John Boehner’s last name (it’s really pronounced “Choire”). But still: ha ha, “penis.” Halperin YOU SCALAWAG, you totally had this in mind. [The Page]
Mark Halperin Hasn’t Gotten Veep Scoop Yet Because He’s Too Busy Being Annoying
Hey you know who has been douchier than usual in the last couple of days is that Mark Halperin, the famous political reporter who thinks he knows everything but is always wrong. His website has all sorts of useful information — campaign press releases, teevee schedules, etc. — but also a constantly updated cycle of [...]
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