Tag Archives: marion county

  greetings from america’s limp penis!

It Was A Bad Week To Go To The Grocery Store: Your Florida Roundup

Florida, for all of its many demerits, has one thing going for it: Publix, a chain of truly excellent grocery stores that stretches throughout the Southeast (Protip: There is no sub quite like a Publix deli sub). But every so often, the reality of Florida creeps in to this paradise of sundries. Exhibit A: The above fight in an Orlando Publix aisle, over, well, very Florida things: Read more on It Was A Bad Week To Go To The Grocery Store: Your Florida Roundup…
  oh come on even south carolina figured this out

Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars

Save yo Confederate money, boys, the South gon’ rise ’gain.
Perhaps you remember that unfortunate incident in South Carolina last month — you know, when that racist, Confederate-flag-waving shit-for-brains kid shot up a black church for being so very black and stealing the women he couldn’t get and whatever — and the world was like, hey, maybe having a century-old symbol of sedition and treason and slavery flying proudly above our state capitol maybe sends the wrong message? Sure you do. Even South Carolina, which, along with Alabama and Mississippi and, shit, the rest of the Deep South, rivals Florida for stupidity (rivals, not beats out), has figured this out. Read more on Dumb Florida Rednecks Don’t Give A Sh*t, Gonna Hoist Them Stars And Bars…
  Read The Return Policy Very Carefully

Alabama Town Now Owned By God. God To Flip It To Ganesh, Make Bank.

These foreign pictures just don't appeal much to us. Too many subtitles.
In a real estate deal of questionable legality, the City Council of Winfield, Alabama, recently passed a resolution declaring that Winfield is a “City Under God,” a necessary step because, as Mayor Randy Price said, the state and country are in “an awful condition.” The Marion County Journal Record expressed its approval in an editorial — it’s behind a paywall, but Hemant Mehta helpfully provides a screenshot: Read more on Alabama Town Now Owned By God. God To Flip It To Ganesh, Make Bank….
  Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay

Indiana Is Your New Gayest State Today! Hooray!

There are so many gay states in the union, but today Indiana is the gayest of all! That’s because a federal judge struck down Indiana’s same-sex marriage ban. And the Hoosiergays (this is their name) have ALREADY STARTED MARRYING! Read more on Indiana Is Your New Gayest State Today! Hooray!…
  trailer park superhero: the methturbator

Oregon Meth Binge Generates 2013’s Greatest Headline

We didn’t think that any story could possibly top the November 2012 headline from Scott Lake, Washington: Two Alligators, A Pole Dancer And Pot At Olympia Area Shooting Scene. And yet we knew it was at least theoretically possible, however unlikely. And now, dear readers, we may finally have a winner — we’ll let you decide. From aggregation site PoliceOne.com, we present the new challenger: Oregon man on meth fights off 12 cops while masturbating in bar. Whaddya think, sirs and mesdames? Read more on Oregon Meth Binge Generates 2013’s Greatest Headline…
  'doodle'

Let’s Decompress With A Sweet Story About A Mini-Donkey And The Boy Who Loves Her

In all seriousness, Wonkette people, today has been awful when it comes to The News. America’s every-other-day massacre was particularly horrible and heartwrenching today, as news came out that twenty-seven people, mostly kids, were gunned down in an elementary school in Connecticut. Gun rights enthusiasts are, of course, screaming TOO SOON and THE BODIES ARE STILL WARM and WON’T YOU ALL PLEASE THINK OF THE (dead) CHILDREN, because in trigger-happy America, they know that by the time it’s not too soon and the bodies are not warm and stuff, there will be a new TOO SOON, etc. But anyway, it is Friday afternoon, and this day sucks, so let’s all warm our collective hearts with a sweet story about a donkey named “Doodle” and the boy, Carlos, who loves her just so much: A Florida man accused of having sex with a miniature donkey named Doodle is protected by the United States Constitution, his lawyers say. Oh fucking hell, this is not a sweet story at all, and our hearts go out to the family and friends of “a miniature donkey named Doodle.” It is, of course, TOO SOON to talk about reforming our man-mini-donkey sex laws to make sure that people like this get the treatment/therapy they need while also protecting the sanctity of Doodle’s diddleparts, SO DON’T EVEN START, commenters. Read more on Let’s Decompress With A Sweet Story About A Mini-Donkey And The Boy Who Loves Her…