A shrimp and some crab soup tried to MURDER Marion Barry! A futile assassination attempt. Marion Barry is not afraid of sea creatures, cooked or otherwise. [Washington Times] MORE »

You know you are scraping the bottom of the barrel, wonk-wise, when the most famous person on your “spotted around DC” list is Wolf Blitzer. Such is the state we find ourselves in this mid-July. But let’s check out the roster and see who was nearly run over in a parking garage, who was seen joking about his ex-wives, and who stumbled upon a hidden squad of lesbians in Alexandria! MORE »

It had been a while since Marion Barry’s name cropped up in the Police Blotter, and frankly we were beginning to get worried — worried that he was dead in a dumpster somewhere, and that we’d never again have such easy material. But, hooray (?), America’s Mayor is alive and well. He was, of course, charged with Stalking over the July 4 weekend. And now the Washington City Paper has some super-gross vulgar audio recordings to share with everyone! MORE »

Fancy dancer, kidney transplant recipient, and “America’s Mayor” Marion Barry was arrested for allegedly stalking an ex-ladyfriend. But then the ex said that he hadn’t been stalking her at all, or something? Basically, he met up with this gal for lunch (says Barry’s spokeswoman) and then he ran into her later on in the day, and that is when the cops intervened. MORE »

• Here is FBI footage of Marion Barry at what is obviously a Victor Uwaifo concert, and look, Marion is dancing the Crip Walk! — which unfortunately for him is a massive violation of his parole. Will Barry do time for dabbling in a little harmless inverted heel-toe, or will he manage to beat the charges? [Flickr]
• Oh hey it’s Iran’s favorite squirt gun salesman Oliver North, the American Hero who wore necklaces made of human skulls during his 100 voluntary tours in Vietnam. And he’s teaming up with a few zany Congressloons to bring you: Judeo-Christian Sovereignty Force, which is a new and very humorous cartoon on Adult Swim. [TPM]
• State Rep. Cynthia Davis (R-MO) hates how Big Government gives “food handouts” to impoverished children, because God knows they probably just spend all that food on alcohol and even if they don’t, “Hunger can be a positive motivator.” [Think Progress]
• Why is New York Times journalist David Rohde safe when our military is in infinite peril? So typical, especially because we all know who threatens our National Security: yes you, David Rohde, and all the other blabbermouth journalists! [Michelle Malkin]
• Aspiring Florida Senator Marco Rubio has been fantasizing on Twitter about how great it would be if everyone in Iran had a gun, because guns have prevented suspicious elections in Florida many many times, more times than we could count without having to recount just to make sure we counted correctly. [HuffPost]

SEND YOUR LOVE & FLOWERS TO MARION BARRY: Former D.C. MAYOR FOR LIFE and current Ward 8 council member Marion Barry was scheduled to undergo his kidney transplant surgery at 2:30 this afternoon, so that’s… well he’s probably under the knife right now! Barry’s body has taken some abuse over his 72 years, so we hope that his new kidney serves him well in prison, where he may soon go for never paying his income taxes. [DCist, Washington Post]

A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. MORE »

DC council member Marion “America’s Politician” Barry will endorse frisky, young upstart Barack Obama later this week, because Barack helps us forget the past. What’s so bad about the past, Mayor Crackhead? Nevertheless, hooray! MORE »

Former four-time DC Mayor and current Ward 8 Council Member Marion Barry is itching for some action these days — a rush of blood, a big PR bomb, maybe some crack. His chief of staff, Keith Andrew Perry, is willing to satisfy these urges and has selected as his target the DC Examiner, that veritable wellspring of editorial controversy. MORE »

Yeah it might’ve just been worth it to go to the Madame Tussaud’s museum opening just to hang a hilarious speech bubble above wax Marion Barry’s head. Thankfully someone else did it for them! And then BYT tried to interview the real Marion Barry, which went about as well as that has been going for them in general this week. [BYT]

“He may be homeless, wandering, carting around three school-aged kids, but Michael Jackson has a new friend: former imprisoned crack addict and Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry. And that’s good in a way, because he is being sued by an old friend, Prince Abdullah of Bahrain.” [FoxNews]