And what would a 9/11 anniversary be without mentioning celebrated British gay Catholic conservative liberal American male white adult pundit Andrew Sullivan! But this story has nothing to do with his particular archive of 2001 to 2003 insanity. It is about marijuana. He was caught smoking the marijuana by a Forest Ranger in Provincetown, Massachusetts this summer! Even though pot possession has been decriminalized in that state, silly Andrew was caught in a National Park, with its superseding laws, so that was kind of a terrible idea, to smoke drugs there. MORE »

Famous liberal Barney Frank has aligned with famous Internet character Ron Paul and three other congresspeople to make the Marijuana legal, finally, in America! The bill is called the “Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults,” which sounds very responsible, and would make it federally legal to possess up to 100 grams of weed, for smoking or cooking or however you like to get high. But wingnut states can continue to have crazy laws against the Mexican Loco Weed, because of Ron Paul’s state rights! MORE »

• Fancy newspaper columnist Edmund Andrews wrote a book about why you should buy his book so the proceeds of his book can go to paying off his subprime mortgage. AIG gave it a AAA rating, which is why the entire universe has already pre-ordered on Amazon. [Matt Taibbi]
• Back when Money Czar Henry Paulson ran things, you weren’t allowed to leave a “working dinner” until you finished the box of Franzia Merlot that was duct-taped to your stomach. And then there was Timmy Geithner, the prude. [Politico]
• Barack Obama has a secret caging list he keeps on his BlackBerry, which is used to disenfranchise Dodge Durangos and other Chrysler products. [RedState]
• A pharmaceutical company has fulfilled an ancient Aztec prophesy — and a more recent Bill Kristol prediction — by tragically “sterilizing” marijuana in the form of a not-cool oral spray. [Slate]
• John Yoo, the microphallus who wrote Abu Ghraib fan fiction for the Bush Administration, has mercilessly broadsided Sonia-Maria Sotomayor with his creative grammar: “credentials do not an excellent justice make.” You should be expecting that royalty check in the mail any day now, Yoda. [The Enterprise Blog]

Barry Obama promised to answer the most popular user-submitted Internet questions during his ongoing “Online Town Hall” today, which is simply a feed of a regular real-life town hall — NO ROBOTS AT ALL. Anyway, since all anyone on the Internet wanted to know was whether he would let them smoke marijuana without getting arrested, he had to respond in some kind of dismissive, rapid, jokey way — because marijuana is so awkward and wacky, fucking stoners, ha ha ha! — and that’s precisely what he did. Good to know that he takes these gimmicky online ideas so seriously. MORE »

Larry King’s a crazy lady now! Watch “her” guests, Ron Paul and the super-crazy Baldwin brother, get shouty about, um, Michael Phelps, teevee’s “The Aquaman,” because Phelps sat poolside with teevee’s Matt Lauer one time to talk about “celebrating” (getting high). Did you know Lauer was nearly killed by a deer today? [YouTube]

WHAT DOES ORGANIC MEAN, ANYWAY? “In the decades before my generation, America was all about hard work and being tough. We — or they, I should say — did not plant marijuana in the White House garden. First of all, only the Roosevelts lived at the White House. The rest lived in other places, mostly hovels and ‘hobo jungles.’ But we, or they, had great dignity. You did not hear about them going to see Jay Leno, not at all.” [AOL Political Machine]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ha ha, another week gone, another week in which our economy and the posh lifestyle it has afforded us continues to circle the drain, leading us inevitably towards despair! This has of course led to much finger-pointing, recrimination, etc. Should Tim Geithner be in charge of the Treasury? Should the entire class of jackholes who ran the financial services industry for the last decade be purged? And if so, who should we replace them with? Oh, sure, you liberals will be all like “Trained government bureaucrats!” But is that really “outside the box” enough for our current predicament? What if instead we turned to the animal kingdom? They could do all the work, while we relaxed and lived like kings! MORE »

• WHY MICHAEL PHELPS IS THE WORST PERSON EVER: Did you hear about this Phelps character, an elite swimmer who was photographed smoking the evil gateway drug marijuana? “It doesn’t matter that ‘everybody else is doing it,’ because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children.” Next we will find out that Michael Phelps didn’t pay his taxes, and then his political career is OVER. [Washington Post]

Kenyan freedom fighter George Hussein Obama, savagely arrested over the weekend for either possessing a single joint or owning all marijuana ever, and fighting the cops over it, has been released. All charges dropped! The Kenyan police now say it was all, heh heh, a misunderstanding. MORE »

OBAMA BRO BUSTED FOR ONE JOINT! Oh noes, one of Barack Obama’s million half-brothers somewhere got arrested, for having a single joint. Where does this dude live, Oklahoma? No, the slums of Kenya! So the cops are just going to fuck with anyone named “Obama” for the next eight years. [Gawker/Telegraph]

See, “S. Man?” Just like we told you yesterday. Why does Obama hate the Left? [Change.gov]